


I found you

by J_Antebellum



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, Cute, Depression, F/F, Fluff, Love, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 47,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23283391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Antebellum/pseuds/J_Antebellum
Summary: Ashlyn Harris has had it rough in her life. She's had everything taken away from her until there's nothing left to hold onto. And then those brown tiger eyes appear, and suddenly, she feels like life may be worth fighting for after all.
Relationships: Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger
Comments: 59
Kudos: 98





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> Hoping you're all taking good care of yourselves with this Covid madness. I've ran out of the UK, where I've been living for a few months now, and returned to my hometown to support my family through these difficult times. Now I'm in lockdown ;)
> 
> Even though you probably hate me if you've been following my other fics and seen I've barely updated in the past year, I'm happy to finally announce I wrote ten fanfics, all Krashlyn, in the past year. One of them even has a part 2, so it's actually eleven fanfics. So anyway, now that we have these hard times I think all of us in lockdown locked in our flats for minimum a month will appreciate having stuff to read and get entertained, even if it's just fics, so I think it's the best moment to bring all the stories at once. Enjoy!
> 
> Also if you want to talk with me, ask when the next chapter pops or whatever, I'm jantebellum in Tumblr, so feel free to message me or send some anon over there!
> 
> Much love xx

You would think it was the apocalypse. For how sunny Florida always was, suddenly instead of sun, that day of summer 2012 was all rain, cold, wind... it was the definition of unpleasant in capital letters, and it was something that the young former footballer standing alone in front of the little, humble, just-made grave, wasn't used to.

The tears falling down her perfectly sculpted, prominent cheeks mixed with the rain against the pale skin, dripping off a fine jaw, and the dyed blonde woman, who had tightened her hair into a bun that was now soaked, hugged herself harder, doing her best not to crumble while her eyes read the name in the just-made gravestone;

'Amanda Jolie Harris

December 23rd 1986 – June 1st 2012

 _You live on in the hearts of your wife and son, who will always love you._ '

A baby cry pierced the air and the young woman's attention drifted to the little baby carriage near her, entirely covered with protective waterproof material to keep the newborn safe and warm.

“I'm coming TJ,” the woman said, her voice quivering with emotion. She took a deep breath and angrily brushed her eyes before attempting and failing to keep the hoodie of her raincoat off without it being blown back by the wind.

Then, she rushed to the baby carriage and quickly wheeled it away through the muddy walkway, hurrying outside the cemetery. It took several buses and a expensive taxi ride, which was why Ashlyn wasn't planning on going there often, but at last, three hours later, the woman and the baby made it to a small, poor-looking, gaunt apartment building in one of the poorest areas of Miami in Florida after having visited the Space Coast Cemetery. Days before the woman and the baby had been forced out of Satellite Beach because of lack of housing opportunities in the small town, landing where they lived now just outside Miami. The woman hurriedly opened the door and pushed the baby carriage inside, this time without a baby crying, because she had somehow managed to calm him down during the bus trips.

“It's okay sweet boy. Mama's here,” the woman took off her raincoat, hung it in a cheap rack by the door, used her jumper to dry her hair, and rushed to the carriage, taking the sleeping baby from it and holding him close. “You're okay, Mama's going to get you some food.” Just as she was about to make it into the kitchen, her anguished hazel eyes already wandering around for the box of milk powder, the doorbell rang, and she cursed, but went to it, because she knew otherwise they would wake TJ up. “Coming, coming...” she opened the door to a mostly bald, tired-looking, big milky-white man. “George...”

“Where's my money Ashlyn? Let me guess, next week?”

“Uh, oh...” Ashlyn looked around, nervously. “George, please, just one more week, I beg you, I had to pay for funeral expenses, I...”

“Six months ago it was Amanda being sick. That was your excuse for the following six months of lack of payment, delays, or only paying partially. Then the boy was born, then Amanda died... Ashlyn, I feel sorry for you, really, your life is just going downhill right now and I truly don't want to be the bastard to kick out a woman with a newborn, but look at me, okay? I live in my Mum's flat just upstairs, not much better than this one. I work eight hours a day in the cleaning service for a shit pay, I was hoping to get some extra money out of renting this place, to live, to take care of my elderly mother... I cannot keep taking care of you guys. I cannot give you more time. I need the money on my table tomorrow morning, or you're out Ashlyn. I'm very, very sorry,” he insisted as Ashlyn began to sob and plead for mercy. “I would help you if I could, God knows I would, but I am in debt just like you, Ash. I cannot pay this place anymore if you don't pay. Don't you see? Either I kick you out and get someone who can pay, or I will lose this flat anyway and you'll be in the street either way! Look...” he gave her a piece of paper. “I wrote down for you the social services number. You can call them, get the baby in a good foster home, and here's the address and number of the nearest shelter for the homeless, you can live there. You'll have time to recover, save up some money with your job, get the boy back. But now... I need you out of here by next Monday. Next Monday Ash, I'm coming with the guys who clean up, whatever you've left here, they'll throw it away, so please, I'm serious you have to go or they'll take this place away from the both of us, with the police.”

“George, come on man, please, by Monday I can have some more money for you, come on...” Ashlyn cried, filled with anxiety and anguish. “You can't kick us out! Look at TJ! Where are we going to go? Do you want me to lose him too, George? I have nobody! No one!” Tears seemed to just keep streaming from her eyes without a break.

“Ashlyn, don't you understand? I am not kicking you out. I'm not in a much better situation than you, I cannot afford to keep you here. I'll lose the flat, and you'll be out either way!” he shook his head sadly and left, unable to bear her misery.

Ashlyn closed the door, sobbing, and hugging the baby to her chest. She had never felt so miserable, so alone, so helpless, so anxious, and so anguished in her life, but she had no choice. Looking down on the sleeping baby, she took a deep breath and did her best to calm herself.

“I am so, so sorry Theodore James. I fucked it, this is all my fault,” Ashlyn said between sobs, sitting on the only chair in the flat looking down at the baby. “I can't take care of you... I can't provide enough for you... I can't give you what you deserve... but I promise you will not go through the system hell I've gone through. I will find you something better. I love you. I will get you a home.” She pressed her lips against his forehead as a tear fell onto his skin, and felt her heart shatter in pieces. She couldn't bear to let her son go, but, what choice did she have?

The ultimate decision was made several days letter. Ashlyn worked as a freelance book illustrator for home, a job that hardly paid the bills but that, combined with her savings from being a former soccer player, and the salary of her former lawyer of a wife, had given them a good life for a few years. But now, somehow, Ashlyn was sinking in debt, she was hardly getting hired to do any jobs, she was really struggling to stay afloat. She did all the numbers she could to see how she could pay George enough for him to keep the flat, and her there; maybe trying with only eating once a week? Maybe selling the laptop? But whichever thing she could think of, wasn't enough in the long term. She could, at most, buy herself a couple days more, and for what?

So a few days after George's eviction notice, Ashlyn took her baby boy to the social services centre she had been recommended. After nervously waiting for her turn, she was called by a kind-looking brunette middle-aged woman with a generous smile and a sweet, soft voice.

“Ashlyn Harris,” she said, and Ashlyn rushed to her desk. “Hello, please take a seat. Can I offer you some water?”

“Hi... Yes, please,” Ashlyn sat anxiously holding the baby close to her chest. She had recently sold the baby carriage to buy some food, but now the baby was grounding. His sweet brown eyes looked at her as if pleading her not to do this, but she had no choice. “So, I—,”

“What a cute little mister!” the woman, whose blouse tag indicated her name was D. Alongi, had noticed TJ and was grinning sweetly at him. “He's so handsome! What's his name?”

“Uh... Theodore James. TJ,” Ashlyn explained, “although his mummy called him Teddy.”

“Sorry, I thought he was yours...”

“Oh, no, he is, he's... I'm his Mama. His Mummy passed away,” Ashlyn clarified. The woman, Mrs Alongi judging by the diamond in her hand, looked saddened and sighed.

“I'm so sorry to hear. Well, TJ looks like a very sweet boy,” she passed her the water. “How old is he?”

“He's just two months old,” Ashlyn replied, smiling sadly at him. Then she noticed a framed picture of Mrs Alongi with two young brunettes, a boy and a girl probably in their thirties, on the desk. “Oh my God. You're Ali Krieger's mother.”

“Ah, yes,” Mrs Alongi looked down at the picture and grinned. “They're my biggest pride, my kids. This is Kyle, poor thing is not so famous, and my sweet Ali. She plays in Orlando now. Are you a fan?”

“I uh... I used to play,” Ashlyn shrugged. “I was a World Cup Champion at nineteen. I was captain of the national team once...” she added, to the woman's surprised face. “I played goalkeeper, I was good... I went to North Carolina to continue studying and go professional as a goalkeeper, but then I got some injuries and well, it ended my career. Now I'm a book illustrator.”

“That sounds really nice. You must've played with Ali, she was in the national team very young too!”

“I think we never coincided... age difference, I suppose. I'm three years younger,” Ashlyn explained. “She was probably in the U-19 when I was U-16, and in the U-20 afterwards, and pro.”

“You're right... what a pity. You would love her,” Mrs Alongi smiled. The woman in front of her looked like she hadn't slept properly in weeks, her eyes were full of anguish and sadness, her hair was cheaply bleached, half of it already a natural darker colour, and in a mess of a bun, she was extremely underweight, and her clothes seemed old, cheap, with some little holes. “So, Ashlyn, how can I help you?”

“Yes uhm... I'm having some economic issues and I was wondering... is there any help you can offer me? Maybe loan some money? The bank will not accept anything anymore but... look, I really need help. I just want to keep a rooftop over his head that's all.” Ashlyn couldn't help that her voice broke in despair and her eyes filled with tears, and she dissimulated having some water. She didn't want to elicit pity. She hated pity.

“I understand. Do you have housing at the moment?”

“I'm being evicted, I can't pay. I'm not getting any clients,” Ashlyn gulped, holding TJ tighter. “I'll be in the street soon. I already requested you guys help, months ago, to a much less nice colleague of your... but what they offered wasn't enough. I can't keep getting loans I can't pay, I'm no longer eligible for the energy discounts and the affordable housing program is a joke, I can't afford the flat you guys got me... I don't know what to do Mrs Alongi, but now I have my baby, and I can't have him living in the street. And he can't go into the system,” she sniffled, shaking her head. “I've been there. It sucks, he'll be traumatized forever, he'll be abused and mistreated and... I... I can't... I'm his Mum, I'm everything he has, I have a duty...”

“All right, deep breaths Ashlyn, and please just call me Debbie,” Debbie moved to sit on the chair next to her and offered her a tissue while soothingly rubbing her back. “It really sucks right now, doesn't it?” Ashlyn drowned a sob and nodded, looking down to her baby. “It will get better. You're not going to the streets, I'll find you something, okay? There are shelters, I can find some relative...”

“My family's dead,” Ashlyn sighed. “You cannot find them. And I promised his Mummy I'd be good to him, I'd keep him safe... she came from the system, like me, we had nobody, just us... I promised her he wouldn't end-up there, I can't...”

“The system is not as bad as it maybe was, it's actually really nice now. We can place TJ with a loving foster family, foster, Ashlyn, means temporary. Meanwhile we can help you improve your situation, get a better job... then you can take him back. I'll help you.”

“I won't abandon him, I can't—,”

“You won't, think of it as babysitting, until you're in a better place.”

“When, Debbie?” Ashlyn retorted anguished. “I got affordable housing assistance, now I'm equally being evicted. I can't work in anything else but art, is all I know, and it doesn't pay the bills. I'm no longer eligible for any of the programs in your online list... I... I came hoping you had some, I don't know, some way to help...”

“I do. Here,” Debbie returned to her desk, got a folder full of papers, and handed it to Ashlyn. The younger woman had a full arm sleeve tattoo, may look like some drug addict, but Debbie sensed she was a good person worth of every bit of help. “Take it home, read it calmly. There are options. I bet you're eligible for something, you surely have to be.”

“But I don't have time. I need money now. I need a home now. I'm being evicted, I don't have time for your slow programs... I... come on Debbie!”

“Please Ashlyn,” Debbie insisted kindly. “Just check this out. For your boy. I'll be here tomorrow, okay? Read this today, tomorrow I'll have something for you.”

Debbie hugged her before she left, and Ashlyn almost crumbled at the first hug she had received in she didn't even know how long. But when she returned home and explored her options, it only became clear she had one option left, and it broke her heart.

Before being evicted, she wrote a letter, packed a suitcase with the baby's things, and sold absolutely everything she owned, save for what she had on herself. Her phone, her laptop, everything that was worth anything went away. She put the money in an envelope in the suitcase, and the baby in her arms wrapped up in blankets and an old coat of hers that Amanda had loved to borrow for years, and she walked for the longest time in the middle of the night to reach the house of D. Alongi. She had googled her through her daughter, before selling her laptop, and had somehow found out she lived in a beautiful house in one of Miami's best neighbourhoods, with her husband, Ali and Kyle's step-father, who had a company.

“Look at that TJ,” Ashlyn held him close with one arm, looking at the house from her hidden spot between bushes in the dark. It was freezing, but she kept TJ warm with her body. “That's your new house. Isn't it gorgeous buddy? You're going to be so happy here,” tears came to her eyes again. Lately it felt like she cried every living moment of her life. “These people love sports. They'll raise you proper. And it'll just be like a holiday, okay? I'll be back before you know it and you'll never remember this mess. I promise you, I'll come back to you. I love you, and you're my son, no matter what.”

She kissed him one last time and pulled another envelope from her jacket pocket, putting it in the baby's blanket. He was sleeping calmly, and she did her best not to disturb him before rushing over to the house's main door and setting the suitcase there, with the baby on top tucked with her coat and blankets.

“Good luck sunshine. Take care, I love you,” Ashlyn kissed him just once more and sniffling, she stood up, ready to run, and pressed the doorbell a dozen times before sprinting down the street, and never looking back.

The Alongis only received Ashlyn's second letter, in TJ's blanket, as an explanation.

_Dear Debbie Alongi,_

_I'm Ashlyn Michelle Harris, and we met in your office recently. This is my son, Theodore James Harris, if you remember him. He was born on April 17 th 2012, and now he's your foster son. I'm sorry about doing this to you; you have no obligation to take him, but I beg you, with all of me, that you do. You're the only person I know who can afford to have him, and who will care for him properly. You did good with Ali and Kyle, so... I just want TJ to be okay. I'm in the streets now, but I swear, I will return and fetch him, once I'm okay. Just please, please... I beg you, look after him for a while. I'm sure he's a good boy and he'll be good to you._

_I love my son more than anything. More than myself. He's the best I ever had, my only family and my only friend left. I never had much money, I only went to Uni because I got a scholarship with sports, but then that's all... and my wife, my beautiful Amanda, we married with cheap rings and she was a nurse, she was well-paid... but she was raped, hence TJ's arrival, and still we chose to have him, love him, make him a good man and not like the rapist... but after that, Amanda got very, very ill, and died two weeks ago. We already sank in debts with her treatments, let alone after having a baby, and the last I had went on giving her a decent funeral. All I had to give, I gave it to my family. We aren't drug addicts. We aren't alcoholics. Please, never let my boy think his family ruined itself. We've just been terribly unlucky... and now all the luck I could possibly have, I leave it to him. All I had, is his. I've sold everything and the money is in an envelope inside this suitcase, to compensate you somehow, and there are also all sorts of baby things, clothes, everything._

_Please don't hate me for this. You just seemed like a really kind person, I can't have him in the street with me, he could die, and I can't have him be in the system. It will ruin him... besides, here... I'll always know how to find him again._

_I've attached a photograph from my wedding, so if it takes me long to return, he doesn't forget how I look like. And in the reverse of this letter, I made a drawing of him, as a newborn, because we couldn't get any pictures of him... but he deserves one, don't you think?_

_Thank you, and sorry again._

_All my love,_

_Ashlyn._

  
  



	2. On a winter's night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER:
> 
> All of this is FICTION. Even when there are characters named after and inspired on real people, and even when there might be real locations and historical events. It's still a FICTIONAL story, and it's not meant to detriment, insult or hurt anyone, but only with the purpose of entertainment.
> 
> I think we can all use some entertainment in our lives through these difficult times. I don't know you, but I've lost nearly everything over Covid. I no longer have a job, a career, and all my professional plans for this year are, as for now, cancelled. I can't even make any future professional plans as for now. I literally had to pack my bags, leave my first house since I moved out from my childhood home, and leave my friends there, my life there, everything, for God knows how long, so I could return home and take care of my elderly mother less than a week ago. And now I'm fighting to stay healthy so I can keep her healthy and take care of her, while we live on our savings, that's all we have left. And writing brings me a little bit of joy and for what I see, reading brings you a bit of joy too, and I think we can all use as much joy now as we can get. So that's the only purpose of fanfiction for me, nothing else, and certainly, nothing moved by some "white saviour complex" or a desire to deprecate anyone or anything.
> 
> Thank you all for your support and your comments. We will get through this, I don't know how, I don't know when, but we will. Trust me on this.

**Chapter 2: On a winter's night.**

It was cold. It was so freaking cold Ashlyn was freezing, shaking uncontrollably under a road bridge in Orlando, trying to protect herself from the freezing wind. She had emigrated North trying to get rid of Miami's Athlantic winds, as it had ocean in three sides, while the big city had none, and after her shoes had ripped apart, she had managed just enough money through sexual favours to get herself some second-hand tennis shoes, but she didn't have winter clothes. Just that year Florida had decided to snow and, since when did it ever snow in Florida? But it had happened, and she was freezing, her eyes purple, her shrunken features paler and paler as she shook more violently. She was in her bones, her hair ripped short with scissors for a few dollars, she had nothing more to shield herself from the cold.

Ashlyn's mind was cloudier and cloudier and at last, she only thought one thing.

Teddy.

Teddy.

Teddy.

“...T-T...”

“What did she say?”

“Did she actually say something?”

“Ted...dy...”

“Kyle, shush, I can't hear...”

“...T-T-Teddy...”

“Sweetie, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?”

The voice was kind and warm, slightly raspy, and as Ashlyn's brain seemed less foggy, she made an effort to open her eyes. Their eyelids felt heavy as bricks, so it took her several attempts, but at last, her eyes opened and she was met with beautiful brown, tiger eyes and a beaming smile.

“There she is,” another voice said.

“You had us worried sick,” the woman who owned the brown eyes chuckled, warmly caressing Ashlyn's cheek. “Here, take a sip. It's warm water with lemon and honey, will be good for your cold and throat.” A straw was pushed between her peeled lips and Ashlyn made an effort to obey the nice lady and take a long sip, humming at the warmth travelling down her insides.

Only then did she realize she was wrapped up in hot blankets and sheets, cosy in a hospital bed, in a hospital room, and there was a brunette man nearby, and both of them were so familiar, those smiles so similar to...

“Shit,” Ashlyn suddenly realized. “You're Debbie's...”

“Debbie?” the man, who Ashlyn knew was named Kyle Krieger, seemed amused. “Look at that sis, for once someone recognizes us for our mother and not for you!”

“You know our Mum?” Ali inquired, looking kindly at Ashlyn, sitting on the edge of her bed. Ashlyn was too petrified and confused, and she could only nod. Then Ali's face illuminated in realization. “Oh my God Kyle, of course! Look at her. Add a few pounds more, long platinum hair... you're Ashlyn, aren't you?”

Ashlyn nodded again.

“Ashlyn? Who...?” then Kyle's eyes widened as he too, realized. “The Ashlyn. Well Mum will be happy to know she's not dead somewhere.”

“By the luck of coming into our way,” Ali stressed, and smiled small at Ashlyn. “We've been looking for you. We have your son. He's huge now, you know? We tell her about you, I think he misses you... he'll be happy to see you.”

“Teddy?” Ashlyn looked at her in disbelief, her eyes becoming glassy. “Debbie kept him?”

“She kept him, gave him my old clothes, his own room...” Kyle commented jokingly. “He loves him more than us!”

“Don't listen to him, he's the least good of us,” Ali joked playfully. “But he's right; Teddy is well loved. TJ, right?”

“TJ,” Ashlyn nodded, anxious. “Can I... have you got a picture?”

“Better,” Ali pulled her phone and showed her a video. “He just started crawling last week. Look.”

TJ came to the screen as a handsome, all grown, eight-month brunette boy with brown eyes and the sweetest face. While Ali's voice encouraged him, he giggled and grinned in the cutest way, and crawled to the phone, and Ashlyn couldn't help but to start crying _again_.

“My boy... he's so big! He's so handsome! Oh god...”

“Wait till you hold him, he's all chubby rolls,” Ali put the phone away and smiled sadly. “Kyle, go call Mum. She has to know.”

“Yeah... and I'll send the doctor over to check on her.”

The door opened and close and Ashlyn took a deep breath, calming herself.

“What happened? I can't stay here... I can't afford a hospital...”

“Don't worry about that. Oh, by the way, I'm Ali, and that jackass is my brother Kyle,” Ali adjusted the blankets around her to keep her warm. “We found you unconscious under a road bridge, by the side of the road, last night. Initially we thought you were just sleeping, but... you weren't moving, and you looked so pale, we worried. Luckily, I know CPR, because you needed it, and Kyle phoned 911. We'll take care of the expenses, don't you worry,” she reassured her. “Do you have anyone we can call?”

“No,” Ashlyn shook her head. “Shit... this wasn't how I was going to come back to TJ. I was supposed to be better, have a nice job, a house...”

“If you had stayed and listened to my Mum, she would've told you it's unlikely you ever get out of poverty without help. She would've taught you how to be homeless, and helped you every day. She would've guided you,” Ali chastised tenderly. “But you didn't listen. You were too anxious to listen... and that's okay. We got you now, and I promise you, Ashlyn, you have nothing to worry about anymore. We will take care of everything.”

“But I have no money. I have nothing to offer you...”

“For now, you'll make us happy by getting better. You have one hell of a fever with that cold, you have to put up some weight because of your severe malnutrition, and God knows what you had to do sweetie, but you've got an infection down there we need to take care of. And when you heal up...” she sat thoughtful for a moment, then nodded for herself, satisfied. “I have a room in my house, here in Orlando, and a few artsy jobs for an artist in the house. Well paid. Mum will bring TJ.”

Ashlyn stared at her in disbelief, both grateful and concerned about how the hell she was going to repay the family she was so deeply in debt with, but in the end exhaustion from her weakness won, and she yawned loudly.

“I'm sorry,” Ashlyn murmured. “I'm so thankful, but I'm so...”

“Drained. I understand,” Ali squeezed her arm gently. “You have some sleep, I'll be right here.”

Ashlyn could only nod slowly as her eyelids felt heavy and closed before she could help it. She slept for another few hours, and in that time, Ali remained there, only leaving for coffee when the nurses or doctors came to check on the patient, and Kyle also spent there a long time. When Debbie arrived with baby TJ, Kyle had already left so Ali took the baby outside and let her mother speak with Ashlyn, who had just woken up and was being checked by the doctor once more.

At last, the doctor left and Debbie came in, grinning at Ashlyn, who sat up in bed.

“Debbie,” Ashlyn said staring at her in awe, keeping a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. “Oh Debbie, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry...”

“You had no choice, I suppose,” Debbie sat on the edge of the bed and to her surprise, hugged her close. “How are you sweetie? I'm so glad to finally find you.”

“I'm okay,” Ashlyn shrugged. “Been worse. Debbie, thank you so much. Thank you. Ali told me about how good you've been to TJ, and I don't have words, I'm just... infinitely grateful. Thank you.”

“I'm happy to take care of him, he's a sweet little dude. But Ashlyn, there are some things we need to discuss now, speaking to you not as your friend, but now as a social worker. When you left Theo and despite your lovely letter, I had to do things right and take him to social services. Luckily, the judge let me keep him, but it's not always like that. Anyway, since I happen to be registered in the system as a foster mother, I was given his custody by the judge, while police has been looking for you, rather clumsily for what I see. So right now, TJ's custody is solely mine. Not yours. Do you know what that means?”

Ashlyn scowled deeply.

“It means I've lost him.”

“Not really. I put a good word for you, I showed the judge your letter, made her understand that I knew you and knew you were in a tough situation and that you had done what you did not with intention to harm your child but on the contrary, to protect him in a loving, maternal way and give him what was best for him, and that your intention to return clearly indicates you didn't plan to abandon him. So the judge is willing to not prosecute you and to simply reinstate your rights, as long as you prove you're capable of handling TJ. That's where my family comes into the game. We are going to do everything we can do to help you get an affordable residence for your family, a proper job, and get your life back together so you can get him back. And in the meantime, I'll be more than happy to let him stay with you and my daughter, who has graciously agreed, for a month when you are discharged, with me visiting in the weekends, when I don't work. The judge doesn't have to know,” she winked playfully. “Although my hopes are that we need less time than that to get your life in put back together.”

“That's... that's very kind of you, Debbie, I do appreciate it, but there's no point. I have nothing to offer TJ, by this point I'm sure he has no idea who I am anymore, he's only known you guys, you're his family...” Ashlyn felt her heart break by the truth she knew her words had. Her own son couldn't possibly remember her. She was just a stranger to him, and homeless. “Maybe he'll be better off without me. I'm just a failure and a disappointment, he doesn't have to know he has this kind of mother.”

Debbie looked sternly at her, the affection of a moment ago vanished, and shook her head.

“Don't say that. You are depressed Ashlyn, that's all. But you know as well as I do that a child's best option is always their biological family, if they love him, and you do. You love him so much you gave him everything you had in the most literal sense of the word I've ever seen, you love him so much you left him to protect him. You've earned to have him back, you deserve him back, you need him... and he needs you. Okay, he might not know who you are now, but it'll come back to him, you guys you have to know each other all over again, bond... and it'll be okay again. You're not a failure Ashlyn, but if you leave him now, you'll fall as low as you possibly can and I guarantee, I don't help someone who disappoints me that much. Stay, fight for him, be who we expect you to be. Don't make my family's efforts and kindness be in vain.”

The younger woman stared at her in shame, and eventually she nodded, deciding she had to try. She owed it to Debbie and her children.

“I promise I'll try my best. Can I... maybe I can see him a little bit?”

“You sure can, I left him in the cafeteria with Ali... I'm warning you he's on the move now, starting to crawl!” Debbie grinned, her expression loving again, and squeezed Ashlyn's cheek, or the little she could grab of it. “And I'll tell the nurse she can bring you dinner now. You need to eat. One moment.”

She texted her daughter and then smiled at Ashlyn and retired to fetch the nurse. In a matter of minutes Ashlyn was having some delicious warm pasta soup and then, Ali entered with a baby sitting against her hip that Ashlyn didn't immediately recognize. Her son had grown so much, and he had a short thick mane of dark waves, honey brown eyes, dimples, and long legs.

“I'm sorry I was late, I had to convince security to let him come,” Ali rolled eyes and grinned, bouncing TJ happily. Ashlyn put her food away on the bedside table and stared at her son in awe, speechless. “Mum, want to do the honours?”

“Absolutely!”

  
  


  
  



	3. Family

**Chapter 3: Family.**

Debbie chuckled at TJ, who held onto her as if they were actually related, and then sat on the edge of the bed. “TJ, there's someone very important who wants to meet you. Remember Mama? Look! Mama.”

“Hi sweetie,” Ashlyn looked at him with a sad smile, tentatively extending a hand to his belly. He was wearing such nice, soft clothes, and his hair was brushed, and his face was clean. He was so lucky. “Hi TJ. Remember me? We used to chat a lot.” He observed her curiously, looking around the room as well, probably wondering what was going on.

“Remember the jumper you packed with him? It still calms him down when he's upset, although he doesn't get upset easily,” Debbie commented. “He eats a lot, and he likes the Baby Shark song, and the one of the Lion Sleeps Tonight.”

“Still?” Ashlyn grinned tearfully. “I used to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight all the time, it's the only children's song I've ever known... It was his bedtime song. I should've put it in the letter, I forgot...”

“It's okay, don't worry,” Debbie sat the boy a bit closer to Ashlyn, on the bed, holding him sitting up with her hands. “You know, babies can recognize their mother's scent. Right now it'll be clouded by hospital smell, but eventually... he'll remember.”

“Hopefully,” Ashlyn nodded, and caressed the boy's cheek. “Hi TJ. You're as beautiful as your Mummy, you know? You're perfect.” He did some baby noises and gripped her finger tight, which made her grin at him. “God you guys have taken such good care of him... look how big and how healthy he looks, I'll never be able to repay you.”

“I'll consider myself repaid when you two get the life together you deserve,” said Ali smiling at the two.

“Same,” Debbie agreed with her daughter. “He cried for days when you left, so... I don't want anymore brusque farewells. I'll go for a few hours and leave you two, and bring him again tomorrow.”

“Thank you Debbie,” Ashlyn nodded gratefully.

“I'll stay,” Ali announced. “Just in case you need any help, Ash. I can do nappies!” she added, holding up the baby bag. Ashlyn chuckled and nodded as Debbie left.

“Thanks Ali. Well buddy, what's up?” Ashlyn was holding TJ steady with her hands, smiling at him, while he drooled and looked around. “I really missed you, you know? Not an hour has gone by that I wouldn't think of you.” And pray you were okay. And miss you. And daydream of seeing you again.

“You can hold him, you know?” Ali commented sitting near them on a chair. “He lets pretty much everyone hold him.”

“I don't want to scare him...”

“Don't worry, you won't.”

With Ali's encouraging gaze, Ashlyn pulled TJ into her arms, sitting him on his lap and cuddling him with her blanket. She kissed his forehead and nuzzled against him, humming in delight.

“Oh, he smells the same way! My sweet baby,” Ashlyn beamed tearfully at him, emotional, wrapping her arms around him. “I love you Teddy bear. I'm so sorry I left... Mama's very sorry. Mama won't do it again,” she kissed his cheek soundly. “In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight...”

Ali sat as quietly as possible trying not to get emotional as, for over an hour, Ashlyn sang to the baby, coddled him, played with him, and held him tight, and then afterwards when he had fallen asleep. He had just let it happen, sometimes making little noises or funny faces, without complaining, and Ali had a feeling that somehow he felt Ashlyn was his Mama. Ali just felt like it was such a special moment she didn't want to disturb it, not even to pull her phone for pictures, so she just did her best to blend with the walls.

Eventually, Ashlyn had lied down snuggling TJ close while he slept, just contemplating him, holding him close. It was so bizarre to think this was the same baby she had given away, when it was a quarter of this size, but at the same time there were things that hadn't changed in TJ. His eyes, his noises, the dimples... it was all familiar, it was all _family_.

“Merry Christmas, Ashlyn,” Ali realized suddenly. Ashlyn looked utterly surprised.

“Is it Christmas today?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh...” Ashlyn smiled, nodding. “Merry Christmas. You should go home then, be with the family... it's okay, I understand you can't leave him here, you can take him.”

“I see my family every week,” Ali shrugged. “For what I have understood, you haven't seen yours in months, and if he's all you've got left... I'm not going to be the Grinch and take him.”

“Thanks Ali,” Ashlyn looked appreciatively at her. She was propelled up on pillows, comfortable and warm, and suddenly felt like she could talk. “I hope you're not pitying me, uh?” she said in a light tone, teasing Ali, who smiled sadly.

“I'm not pitying you, I just feel compassion... and sad and anger towards the fact that there are so many people in yours or TJ's situations, and worse, just because the system that should protect them doesn't do its job. Could I ask... you were such a good goalkeeper Ashlyn, I saw videos... what happened?”

“That as great as I was, it wasn't healing my ripped heart,” Ashlyn answered simply. “I've no family, Ali. I don't know anything about my biological family, I don't even know if they left me, why, what happened... but I was in the system within the first year of my life. It's all I've known. Foster family to foster family, no one wanted to keep me, I wasn't good enough for anyone... eventually at sixteen I ran away,” she continued. “You can imagine what that kind of childhood does to you. I don't really have any happy memories of it, save for skating and surfing... I was good at making friends, and I was growing up in the Space Coast, in Satellite Beach, where I was eventually able to afford a surfboard and a skateboard, but before I used any old ones people would throw away. I love the beach. And then I got into soccer, I was so good at it, I found a family for once, in the team... and yet, I became addicted to Adderall, which I took so I could focus better, because with my bad mental health I could hardly concentrate on anything. But I abused it, and it backfired, made my bones really fragile... so when I started having a ton of fractures at once, I knew what it was, I stopped using it, but the damage was done. I kept needing surgeries, it ended my career. I tried to kill myself then,” she sighed, shaking her head. “I didn't want to live. I was losing all the money I had made with physiotherapy and all... I had done art, became an illustrator, met Amanda, my wife... she also came from the system, and the love we had, it seemed to heal us both. We got amazing lives together, we were each other's first ever best friend, it was such a dream...” Ashlyn shook her head at the memory. “Long story short, my business wasn't going well, so we mostly depended on her salary. Then she was raped, and the rape made her so sick... medical bills accumulated more and more as she got more and more ill, and eventually I lost our home. We knew she was pregnant, and we had wanted to have him somehow, but with her deteriorating health we had to provoke the birth... she got two months with him, that's all. Then she died, and I got more in debt to pay the funeral. Then the guy who rented me a small flat could no longer afford to keep me, when I could hardly pay him, if ever. So I was in the streets and obviously, I wasn't going to let my son hang out with me, exposed to the dreadful summer heat and the rains of the autumn and the plummeting temperatures of the winter...” she shook her head again, frowning. “Your Mum is the only person I could think of that would kindly look after him, and be capable of resolving any possible legal issues that might come up. But I'm not a bad mother and I did not abandon my child.”

“I know,” Ali nodded, serious. “You don't strike me as a bad person. Just an unfortunate one, at least partially.”

Ashlyn shrugged, looking at her child.

“When you're homeless everyone looks at you like they're better than you. The same people who wear expensive jewellery, leave Church and look at you as if you were some dirt on their shoes, people think you're a drug addict, that you did this to yourself, that you had it coming and you deserve your misery, they think they're ones to judge,” Ashlyn sighed in disapproval. “I was homeless when I was a teen too, so I'm not a newbie. You know what got me off the streets when I was younger? Football. Working my bloody ass off at it. I'd make balls with anything I could find, paper from the trash or whatever, and I'd use winter gloves people would sometimes throw away. Bloody best goalkeeper my coach in the National Team had seen, he said it. But now... I'm not a goalkeeper anymore. I'm a good artist, but I was stupid enough to pick studies for a job that doesn't precisely make people rich.”

Ali pursed her lips in thought.

“It doesn't make people rich... _yet._ ”

  
  



	4. Home

**Chapter 4: Home.**

When Ashlyn was finally discharged and sent home, Ali was so kind to drive her to her house. To Ashlyn's surprise, the Kriegers had gone and bought her some clothes to wear from the hospital to the house, as the clothes she had been found with were ragged and shabby from the streets, and now she had a nice new shirt and jeans, smelled nicely after a good shower in the hospital, and although still far too skinny and on medication to fully heal, she was okay enough to continue recovering at home.

“We've arrived,” Ali announced parking in the driveway in a street full of really fancy houses. Ashlyn's eyes widened timidly looking at the house. Ali's house was two storeys, modern, fashionable, clean-cut, with very clean design and colours, a neat front garden with perfectly done bushes, and it looked very expensive. “Oh, don't get startled, I forgot to mention I have a dog.”

“A dog? I love dogs.”

“I'm so glad! Her name is Logan, she's... a bit of a horse. So careful if she salutes you with too much strength, she's just a baby learning to control herself...”

A baby was what waited for them at the house, and it wasn't Logan, a hundred pound mastiff cane corso who could eat them both if she had wanted. But Ashlyn adored the big animal no matter what, and made sure to pet her nicely, while looking around at the beautiful, cosy, homey place. It was so tidy and clean Ashlyn had no doubt Ali hired someone for that, and it was tastefully decorated and very aesthetically pleasing.

“Welcome home,” Ali grinned at Ashlyn, taking her jacket and hanging it on the rack. “Mum is with TJ in the living room, just this way.”

“Thank you.”

Ashlyn followed her into a large, stunning room divided between dining area and lounge area, and surely she could hear TJ's gurgles and giggles as Debbie bounced him on her knee.

“There you are! Welcome,” Debbie grinned, getting up and handing the baby to Ashlyn. TJ frowned for a moment at the change, but then looked curiously at Ashlyn and seemed to accept the change. “What do you think?”

“This place is...” Ashlyn chuckled in disbelief, looking around. “Really incredible.”

“Want a drink or shall we do a house tour first?” Ali asked excitedly, her long dark hair loose and beautifully cascading in waves framing her tanned, stunning features.

“I think we could do a tour, yes,” Ashlyn nodded, holding her son close. “What do you think Teddy? Shall we get to know our new temporary home? Yeah...”

“Right so this is where big meals happen and well, sofa, TV, the control is there somewhere...” Ali gestured around. “That's the door to the garden and there's a toilet over here by the kitchen. Anything you want, you can have it. Books, fridge, cooking if you cook... anything, make yourself at home. And if you need anything we don't have, I keep a list on the fridge for the shopping, or you can just ask me. Although I'm not home too much,” Ali added while she showed her where everything in the kitchen was, “due to work... Only rules I have are, downstairs windows and doors need to all be fully locked before going to sleep, and be careful with burning stuff or leaving some upstairs window wide open for robbers while you're not in the room. As for the rest we have heating, air conditioner, fans, whatever you need. Also borrow my clothes if you want, anything, really.”

“You're very kind and generous,” Ashlyn complimented appreciatively.

“I have more stuff than I need,” Ali said humbly. “So you're free to share my stuff. And here, upstairs, this way, I'll show you your room, of course.”

“My room?”

“Sure, we prepared a room for you,” Debbie said matter-of-factly. “We did some Googling to find out the kind of stuff you like, since you were a bit famous, right? But you're free to change anything you want.”

“Absolutely, no hard feelings,” Ali guided them through an upstairs hall with sofas and bookshelves to a beautiful room in the corner of the house, with two sides with windows, a huge bed, en suite luxurious bathroom, en suite huge closet to be filled, chest of drawers, desk with a chair, a laptop and a mobile phone on them, a couple empty bookcases, some en suite shelves, an armchair next to a foot lamp, and then two bedside tables with a little lamp on each and an alarm clock on one of them and a plant on the other. The walls had tasteful paintings of the kind of stuff Ashlyn indeed liked, like the beach or simply symbolic stuff, and a big HQ photograph of the sunset in the Space Coast beach, Ashlyn recognized, occupied a large part of one wall. The curtains were greyish-blue with palm trees on them, there was a large rug occupying most of the carpeted bedroom and to Ashlyn's surprise, there was a new surfboard next to a new skateboard standing aside, supported on the wall. Both had gift laces.

“Is this all... for me?” Ashlyn muttered in disbelief, looking around.

“Of course,” replied Ali, beaming proudly. “I hope we bought the right surfboard and skateboard... I had no idea there were so many types, Kyle taught me a bit but... anyway, we're from Dumfries, Virginia, we haven't surfed in our lives. So just tell me if I need to change them. And the laptop and phone are new ones, Mum told me you sold everything you had for TJ, so... I figured you'd need it. And also, I almost forgot!” Ali went to the en suite huge closet and opened it, pulling out a giant easel and a big unopened box. “I didn't have time to set these up... but I went to this professional art shop, told them I needed every essential for an artist, and they made this box up. I've no idea if it's the right stuff, but I tried.”

“Ashlyn, you okay honey?” Debbie noticed Ashlyn's lip was quivering and her eyes were full of tears. The short-haired woman was holding TJ tight, so she couldn't cover her face, but she couldn't stop a sob from escaping her lips.

“Hey, it's okay,” Ali rushed to her, wrapping an arm around her warmly and sitting her on the bed. “Mum, why don't you bring some hot chocolate? That always makes everybody feel better.”

“Good idea,” Debbie squeezed Ashlyn's shoulder affectionately and left them alone. Ashlyn started openly crying and Ali soothingly stroke her back and her hair, while TJ looked at odds with his new companion.

“I'm so sorry,” Ashlyn managed to say, sitting TJ on her knee and using her free hand to wipe the tears away. “I'm so sorry...”

“Stop apologizing, you have no reason for it,” Ali dared to press her lips against her temple on impulse and went to the bedside tables. In one of the drawers she had foreseen the need for tissues and put a few packages, so she handed one to Ashlyn. “Here, deep breaths...”

Ashlyn managed to calm herself and thanked her, dabbing at her eyes with the tissues.

“I'm back. Turns out you had already made it, just had to warm it up,” Debbie looked sympathetically at Ashlyn and passed her a warm cup.

“Oh my God, thank you,” Ashlyn smiled through the tears and sipped, humming in delight. “Thank you, I promise it's nothing bad, it's just... I've never had all of this... it's just so nice, and I... I'm thankful. Thank you. I just can't believe this. I've done nothing to deserve this, I ought to pay you—,”

“You have me over two thousand pounds out of your stuff that you had to sell because the system abandoned you,” Debbie argued. “Never say you don't deserve the good you get. In my book, good people, and especially good mothers, deserve every good thing they get.”

“And if others won't give it, we ought to,” Ali added, earning an approving nod from her mother. “So if you ever even try to pay us, I'm kicking you out.” She said with fake seriousness. “This is your room and your stuff now, to do with it as you please. You can invite people over too, whenever you want. We'll go through the keys later though, because they're so many and you look depressed enough as it is.”

Ashlyn giggled-cried and sniffled, nodding.

“This means the world to us, seriously,” Ashlyn told them when she felt calmer. “I knew I left my boy with good people, but damn I could've never imagined this much good... so thank you, truly. I don't know what to say... all of this is perfect, I would've been happy with a mattress on the floor or something like that.”

“Do let me know if the duvet is warm enough though, I'm absolutely not having you get more ill,” Ali said squeezing her gently with one arm. “Mattress on the floor... never. Oh, we should show her TJ's room. He has a room here,” she added, “I forgot to move his cot here so he can spend the night with you, but we'll do it today. Look, all his things are over here...”

They walked out of the room, Ashlyn still sipping her chocolate, and into a room in front. The closed door had a sharks poster with big letters spelling 'Teddy', which Ashlyn loved, and when they went inside her jaw dropped. The entire room was ocean themed, with wall paper resembling a sunrise in one side, and a fluffy blue rug. The room did not only contain all the baby essentials, necessary furniture and decoration, but also had family pictures, Ashlyn's drawing framed next to the picture of her and her wife, a colourful mobile over the crib, and a whole trunk of a variety of toys, plus a small bookcase with children books.

“You guys...” Ashlyn grinned, shaking her head in disbelief. “This is impressive. This is all I ever wanted for my boy.”

Ali and Debbie exchanged a proud smile, satisfied with themselves. TJ had fallen asleep against Ashlyn's shoulder, so Ali suggested he and Ashlyn went for a nap and she and Debbie would cook some dinner.

After a lovely evening together, when Ashlyn felt the happiest she had ever felt, even despite her illness and how she was still feverish and weak, she went to bed early with TJ, who after having his baby bottle on Debbie's lap seemed okay with going back to Ashlyn. That night, Ashlyn slept the best she remembered sleeping in months, and she almost didn't hear TJ crying once during the night due to a dirty nappy.

Then in the morning, she woke up feeling like an entirely new person and stretched, grinning as she looked up at the ceiling and relaxed her muscles. Remembering TJ was there, she jumped off the bed and rushed to the baby cot by her bedside, beaming at the baby that was just now stretching and yawning, his little eyes starting to open.

“Good morning handsome, how did you sleep my love?” Ashlyn carefully took him in her arms and held him tight against her naked chest, kissing the top of his head. “Hello... hi... I love you baby. Mama loves you.”

It was then that she started to hear some loud voices from downstairs, voices she identified as Ali and some man, arguing.

“...I should be earning at least half of what this house—!!!”

“This is my house!!! If you think I'll sell it for your pride—,”

“You know as well as I do Ali, that you're going to have to pay me much more for a divorce settlement, you better start getting used to the idea of losing this place!”

“Get out! This is for our lawyers do discuss, you shouldn't even be here, I'm not giving you a dollar more! You're the one who should be paying!”

“It's not my fault I married a whore!”

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME JEREMIAH?! DARE SAY THAT AGAIN!”

“A WHORE! AND THAT'S THE LEAST OF THE THINGS I COULD CALL YOU!”

Frowning, Ashlyn put Teddy back in the crib as the fight seemed to be escalating. She rushed to put on a t-shirt aside from her pyjama trousers, as luckily Ali had gotten her some pyjamas, and ran downstairs as the screaming intensified. For what Ashlyn could understand, Ali and her soon to be ex-husband (she didn't even know she was married before) were having a big fight about money settlement of the divorce, that had moved into insulting each other, and now she was trying to kick him out and he was degrading her verbally quite offensively.

Until Ashlyn had enough. At the eighth major insult towards Ali she heard him say, Ashlyn stormed into the living room, from where the voices came, and the former couple was caught off guard and looked surprised at her. Ali looked livid, and the man a few metres from her, two heads taller and quite broader, looked furious.

“Get out,” Ashlyn said as calmly as she could looking at the man. He snorted a laugh and shook his head, ignoring her to look at Ali.

“Your new lover or what? You're such an irremediable whore,” he said mockingly. Ali was about to protest when Ashlyn gave two large steps forward and slammed her fist on the man's nose so hard the crack of the nose reverberated in the room. Before he could fall to the ground, Ashlyn grabbed a strong fistful of his neck pulling up until only the tips of his feet touched the floor and he was wide-eyed staring at her in fear, trying to breathe while trying to undo her grip, his face covered in blood.

“Ashlyn!” Ali got alarmed. “Please put him down!”

“That's the last time you say some ugly word about this woman,” Ashlyn said very calmly and clearly, but very firmly and seriously as well, locking eyes with the man. “Now you're going to leave and you're never going to bother her again or to come here, because if you do, I,” she squeezed his throat just a bit, “will make porridge with your remains. And that _is_ a threat. Crystal clear buddy?”

“Ashlyn, please—,”

“Forgive me sweetie,” Ashlyn looked at her briefly, using a sweet voice for a moment, “it'll just be a moment. You,” she snapped back at him, “did you hear me?!” he immediately nodded, scared. “Are you going to vanish now?” he nodded firmly. “Good. You better.” She let him go and he fell on his ass, a few drops of blood falling to the carpeted floor as he made a run for the main door and left. “Shit uh... I will clean this mess, I'm sorry.”

“Ashlyn,” Ali didn't seem to care about the floor, she was just staring in concern and disbelief, “you punched my ex. You broke his nose. Ashlyn, what if he sues you now? We need to make you look good for the judge!”

Ashlyn sighed and shrugged slightly, walking over to her and placing careful hands on her shoulders, gently moving her a little to check her out.

“Are you all right? Did he hit you?”

“No, Ash, didn't you—,”

“I heard you,” Ashlyn smiled softly. “Ali, we must remember that as much as I love my son, and as much as I want his custody, the worst that can happen to him is that he remains Debbie's, which wouldn't be a tragedy. Besides, men like that, they're too proud to admit a girl broke their nose. Don't worry about it.”

Ali looked at her in awe and smiled small, shaking her head disapprovingly.

“Still, you shouldn't go around hitting people. Not even to defend me, I can take care of myself.”

“Oh I wasn't defending you. My ears were hurting from hearing so much crap,” Ashlyn joked, making her laugh.

Coming down from her laughter, that made Ashlyn smile, Ali took Ashlyn's hand to check breaking Jeremiah's nose hadn't injured her.

“Does it hurt?”

“I'm all right,” Ashlyn brushed it off. “So, nasty ex, uh?”

“Yeah...” Ali sighed deeply. “We separated over a year ago, after he, in his jealousy, kept mistrusting me and saying I'm... what you heard. Sleeping around, cheating... I never did neither, but his jealousy and eventual aggressiveness made me realize he wasn't the one for me. So I left him, got his house... he wasn't supposed to know the address, we were only talking through lawyers after I asked for the divorce a few months ago. He just threats with not signing the divorce settlement unless I pay him a load of money. Never going to happen, but he'll be forced to sign. Sorry we woke you up, if TJ okay?”

“He's fine. He's pure Zen,” said Ashlyn. “So you're okay? Is there anything I could do? I know I don't have much to offer but... I still have two ears to listen and arms to hug you if you need it.”

Ali gave her the most tender of smiles, her hands travelling from Ashlyn's to her shoulders before wrapping her in a tight hug that took Ashlyn's breath away. Their bodies just fit effortlessly.

“Believe me Ashlyn, you've got so much to offer.”

The murmur in her ear made Ashlyn grin against Ali's neck and she squeezed her a little tighter, feeling that her luck had really taken a good turn for the better.

  
  



	5. The past is the present

**Chapter 5: The past is the present.**

It was freezing cold, the last day of the year, and as Ali was in the off season she had decided against training that day to instead spend the day warmly tucked at home with the fireplace on and blankets. Ashlyn had been quickly catching up with maternal duties and with the new needs, likes and dislikes of her son, soon learning his new clothes sizes, his new weight, size and medical information, and that he had already grown two teeth and they were transitioning him into soft foods. He was eight, nearly nine months old, premature, but quickly catching up with his development after having been born at thirty-seven weeks.

“Hi there,” Ali arrived from doing some grocery shopping in the morning and smiled at the sight. Ashlyn was tucked in the sofa with a blanket, baby sleeping against her chest and Ali's dog Logan snoring at her feet.

“Hey,” Ashlyn smiled weakly. “Did you have breakfast?”

Ali ignored the question when she noticed how ill Ashlyn looked. She had been recovering well, but she was still weak and they were still cautious with her.

“Are you feeling all right?”

“It's fine, don't worry...”

But Ali wasn't having it. She rushed to the downstairs bathroom for the first-aid kit, took a thermometer and rushed to Ashlyn, wordlessly pressing her hand against her forehead.

“Don't worry? You're burning up,” Ali pointed out, moving her blanket to access Ashlyn's armpit and shove in the thermometer. “Did you wake up like this?”

“I... yeah. I'm just a little weak, that's all. I promise nothing hurts.”

“I'm taking you to the doctor. You're recovering from quite the infection, if the treatment is not working then it should be corrected as soon as possible.”

They had managed some shopping trips to get Ashlyn clothes, shoes, everything she could need, so at least she was wearing her own clothes and better prepared for a hospital trip. Still, Ashlyn grimaced.

“I appreciate your concern, Ali, but I'm fine here. I just need to lie down.”

“Ashlyn...”

“Please. The idea of sitting on a chair in a busy waiting room for an hour until a doctor can see me is just... not good right now. I'm not strong enough.”

Ali sighed but nodded, agreeing.

“At least I'll call your doctor. You stay here then, and sleep. Give me TJ though.”

“I can't give him chlamydia!”

“I know,” Ali smiled small affectionately caressing her warm cheek. “But you need to sleep comfortably. Don't worry, I'll put him on the electrical bouncer right here.”

“Okay...” Ashlyn kissed the top of his head and passed him on, closing her eyes and snuggling better afterwards.

Since her doctor only advised to rest and up the dose of antibiotics, they did just that and Ali sat at the feet of the sofa, by Logan's side, reading a book and absently massaging Ashlyn's feet, that she was okay with having on her lap. Ashlyn slept for a little while, but then felt too feverish even for that, and instead stared at Ali. She found the woman so beautiful it made her knees weak.

“Ali...” she murmured after a while. “Tell me about Jeremiah?”

“Now?”

“Help me think of something other than this infection, please.”

Her little child tone, her ill face, and her weak voice were enough to have Ali agree to anything she wanted. So she put her book down and softly smiled at the younger woman, nodding.

“I met him eight years ago, when I studied in Penn State University,” Ali's story began. “I was playing football for their team, the Nittany Lions, and studying Advertisement and Public Relationships then., and he was studying Economics.”

“Advertisement? Woah. Though you're a good PR.”

“Thank you! Anyway, he was handsome, funny and kind, plus very intelligent and supportive, it was easy to fall for him. He asked me on a date, I said yes... long story short, we got engaged four years later, married after a six-month engagement, in the off-season, and were very happy for a while. But eventually we drifted apart, I suppose. To me work has always been crazy important. Winning gold in Olympics and World Cups with the USWNT has been my dream for years, I've always been workoholic... and for a long time Jeremiah was supportive of it, found my ambition and determination attractive, but then, we wanted to have kids and I kept giving excuses, we started to fight and distance... it was always this or that about my professional life, and then his sometimes as well. We stopped wanting the same things. He wanted to stay in our then DC home, I wanted to come play for the Pride, he hated the beach, I loved it, he wanted children already, I wanted them later, I wanted a dog, he wanted no pets, I wanted for him to work with a more established schedule because it was just crazy, he wanted me to retire... then we'd fight about how much money each brought into the table, who was more important, this, that... the love vanished and it only left pain and anger. So once I made up my mind, and although it broke my heart, I packed my stuff during one of his business trips and left him.”

“Do you still love him?”

“No. I care deeply, and so he still has power over me to hurt me and worry me, sometimes I miss our old times... but we grew up to be different people, and people change a lot in their twenties. We both deserve to live without constant fighting and bickering, to find joy and love again, and for me the divorce ended-up being a heartbreaking but very liberating decision. However, his pride got very hurt and now he likes to bully me into accepting whatever conditions he has, which I won't do.”

“It's good to be stubborn sometimes.”

“Yeah...”

“So what are you going to do about it? You can't just let him bully you into anything.”

“Oh, I won't,” Ali shrugged, thoughtful. “My lawyer is taking care of it. We have threatened that if he attempts to contact me directly, I will get him prosecuted for harassment.”

“That's my girl,” Ashlyn smirked proudly, despite her obvious tiredness, and Ali felt some unexplainable warmth inside at the words 'my girl'.

After a moment of thought, Ali decided maybe it was okay to ask something that had been intriguing her.

“How did you met Amanda? I mean... you mentioned you tried to kill yourself, but next you said was that you married her. What happened in between?”

“Oh, right,” Ashlyn nodded in realization.

“I mean you don't have to tell me anything—,”

“It's fine, Ali,” the younger woman smiled small. “It was kinda romantic, actually. Amanda had had better luck than me in the system. Not the best, but her foster parents were okay and provided a good education for her. She had really good grades, so she got a scholarship that paid all her medicine studies and became a nurse. So when I tried to kill myself, I had hung myself from a pier using a rope from the boats and—,”

“You met in hospital,” Ali got so suddenly excited about the happy accident that she couldn't help interrupting. Ashlyn nodded with a sad smile.

“She was the sweetest angel I've ever met. She took a glance at my ripped clothes and shoes, my bruised throat... and there was no judgement. I will never forget waking up from the haze to see her beautiful dark green eyes looking at me with so much worry, the only person I had ever met at that point that had worried so much about me and cared so much. And I could hardly speak because I had damaged my throat inside, but she held my hand, sat on the bed with me, introduced herself, and told me a fishermen had seen me jump from the pier with the rope around my neck and had rushed to rescue me and take me to the hospital.”

“What a lucky thing!”

“Isn't it?” Ashlyn nodded. “Amanda said she had seen in my papers I had no insurance or anything, but promised I wouldn't have to worry about money, that they'd take care of me. Turns out she got them to treat me pro bono.”

“Woah.”

“Yeah, that's just who she was. Pure kindness. So she'd come every day, spend her breaks with me too, even sometimes stay after her shift was over or come before her shift started to have some time with me. And even though I couldn't speak, she'd tell me about her day, her life, interpreted my gestures and tiny sounds, and laughed so much with me, and made me laugh too. She was all I looked forward for the couple weeks I was in hospital, when she had gotten them to not discharge me in three days, convincing them that as a homeless, they could only guarantee I'd recover if they kept me there. That way I could always have a warm bed to sleep in, and three full meals a day. I hadn't had any of that in nearly a decade by then.”

“What a shame she passed away... sounds like an incredible human being.”

“I can only hope TJ is everything she was. Even on the days I was sad and crying or in pain... she'd just hold me and squeeze my hand and she promised over and over everything would be okay. I didn't want to be discharged, I was so scared I'd fake to get worse at times... but then she said I shouldn't be afraid, because I could go home with her if I wanted. By then I could talk just a little bit, very weakly, and I remember telling her I didn't want to be a bother. And she held my face and kissed my forehead, she hugged me tight, and she swore to me that I'd never be a bother to her. That I could ask her anything, I could stay all I wanted, and she wouldn't say no. That I had a friend in her. First friend I ever had, as a matter of fact. And then we were in North Carolina, because I had studied in Uni there, and then afterwards had just stayed there, and Amanda lived there. So we moved in together, we became the best friends in the world, she helped me start my business, gifted me my first painting equipment, so fancy I could never get rid of it, even when it got old, until I sold it for TJ. It was my most valuable possession, sentimentally.”

“Aw... so sad you had to sell it.”

“Yeah... but Amanda never asked me to contribute more at home, she always insisted I did plenty. I did cook, clean, iron... all the things she hated and she hardly had time to do. And then she'd just ask me to do art. She said I made her world prettier, when she saw so much bad at work. So I painted and painted for her... and she's the only person I've ever painted, well, she and TJ. One day she asked me to paint her naked,” Ashlyn snorted a laugh, rubbing her eyes with one finger, and Ali smiled amused.

“Please tell me you didn't just paint her.”

“Damn right I didn't just do that. I stared at her. God, I couldn't help it, but I wasn't lusting, I just... it was like looking at an art piece. I couldn't stop looking, amazed at her beauty. She had this wavy brown hair, dark, and these curves... and she must've noticed, because next thing I knew she was kissing me, and then you know, we made love. I truly believed we were already in love then, somehow. She just... she made me believe the world could be a beautiful place. She made me have faith, hope, stay positive... she was all the rocks I could possibly need, and all the love and tenderness I had never known.” Her voice broke and she took a deep breath to calm herself, her glassy eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean...”

“Don't worry. As long as I can keep her alive, she won't fully be dead,” Ashlyn forced a sad smile. “I was just thinking she swore, when she fell so ill, that no matter what she'd always take care of Teddy and I. And then she was gone and... your family came. But I'm not religious.”

“You don't have to be. I'm not and I still believe that sometimes the ones who love us, always find a way to make sure we can go on just fine after they're gone. She kept you alive all these months. She brought you back to us. She guided us to you.”

“Yeah... maybe...” Ashlyn took a deep breath. “She loved the beach and, when she heard I had grown up in Satellite Beach, she asked me whether I'd be okay with going back. She could work anywhere, after all. So we returned, and this time it became actual home. We married, we had this lovely house by the beach... very cheap, very humble, but all we ever needed. Our little nest, now it belongs to a bank, they seized it when I couldn't pay anymore. Then Amanda was raped one night returning from work late... it was incredibly hard and traumatizing and I would've never expected her to carry on with the pregnancy once we found out about it, even less after we found she was so ill, but she kept saying nothing would make her feel better than have this awful person help her create a wonderful man without being able to stop her. So we got Teddy. When it became clear Amanda was going to die... she said at least she'd have Teddy. And she had left us some good money, but...” Ashlyn shrugged. “It wasn't that much, and I had to pay funeral, baby stuff... I ran out of it incredibly fast. Lost it all.”

They fell into silence as the tragedy of it all weighted on them, and after a long pause, Ali squeezed her foot gently before talking again.

“Would you have killed yourself then, if you hadn't had Teddy?”

“Sure,” Ashlyn then frowned and shook her head. “No... She wouldn't have let me. I wanted to kill myself when we knew she was going to die and medicine, to which she had devoted her life, was failing her. I felt so powerless, so unable to protect my family, so afraid of going back to this shit life of a homeless, to losing everything... it was the worst feeling in the world. The thought of not seeing her ever again, playing soccer with her again because she was also a player in Uni, not holding her or hearing her voice again... that was the hardest. And the powerlessness. But I kept thinking I had this child to look after, a child that looked a bit like her, a child that was all I could keep from her. And I promised Amy I'd live. For us. That now I knew what I could aspire to have, if I could remember it... I could get it again. A happy life, a home. She promised me it didn't have to be so horrible again. She promised me I could do it. She never ever broke a promise so...” she shrugged. “I think she was worried sick her death would mean ours as well, or something worse.”

Ali looked thoughtful for a long moment, as if suddenly stuck with a big thought, and suddenly she rushed to her phone, searched for a moment, and then handed it to Ashlyn, who was surprised to find a picture of Amanda in a soccer team. Ali, weirdly, was posing just a few persons next to her.

“What the...?”

“I only just realized. Back in University we played other teams, of course, and I don't ever remember playing against you because we probably never coincided... but I suddenly remembered Amanda. I played against her... once I believe. And a few of us got together from one group picture to celebrate new friendships. I was graduating that month so, never saw her again. I barely remember her anymore but... she seemed really nice.”

“Woah. The world is an oyster,” Ashlyn smiled small, returning the phone. “Who knows. Maybe she already knew you were who I needed now.”

Ali smiled, and looked at her tattooed arm. The tattoos were complex and artistic and Ali had no doubt she designed them herself. They were extremely unique and full of talent.

“Ash, what do your tattoos mean?”

Ashlyn smiled sleepy, yawned and her eyes closed, heavy. “That'll be a story for another day, Ali. I think I'm going to nap for a little while Ali...”

“That's okay,” Ali smiled warmly, cuddling Theo close and rubbing the lower part of Ashlyn's leg, closest to her. “You have sweet dreams... you can still have Amanda there.”

Ashlyn smiled sleepily at the thought and soon her face relaxed and she was deep asleep. Ali contemplated her with a mixture of deep sadness and hope. All she wanted to do was to bring this woman happiness again.

  
  



	6. To the one that was always mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
> I am updating some stories now, I'll slowly update more and more the next few days. I'm very sorry for the delay, I've just been writing stuff, relaxing, reconnecting with my mother as I didn't live in my hometown since last Autumn, and well, with myself.  
> So first things first, thanks everyone for all your comments and support, always. I think I've responded all comments and also I've been talking with some of you in my Tumblr Jantebellum, which has been really nice so if you've never left a comment or chatted with me in Tumblr come say hi, I don't bite :) also I wanted to invite you all to read this post I wrote https://jantebellum.tumblr.com/post/616297711696822272/my-take-on-ao3-and-fanfics it's a bit long but in it I'm talking about my writing process with fanfics, about my beliefs in fanfiction and about Archive of our Own, so you might find it interesting. And I know you're shy and I'm shy but PLEASE hit me up with any sort of conversation. Now that we're all so isolated, I really want to reach out to all of you, make sure you're all doing okay, bring my support and encouragement to you and hey, it's going to be okay, uh? This is just those dramatic ten chapters I always write but remember, the story always ends okay, even when you think there's no way. And if you feel lonely or anything, I'm here.  
> Much love everyone.  
> J.

**Chapter 6: To the one that was always mine.**

A month later, they had settled into a happy routine. Ashlyn was healthy again, although a little underweight still, but recovering smoothly, and her bond with TJ seemed now closer than ever, after in such little time TJ seemed to have reconnected fully with her. They'd go together to Universal Orlando's Park, go to the park, the beach... and Ashlyn started doing art again. She'd fix things here and there in the house, paint where needed, and Ali asked her to do a few art pieces, however she wanted, for her living room. A couple weeks later Ashlyn had two large paintings ready, one of the sunset in the beach, and another done with engraving techniques and in an abstract way. Ali loved them both and immediately had them hung on the walls, posting pictures of them in her social media to do publicity for Ashlyn.

“You know what, Ash?” Ali said just days after that, as they enjoyed lunch together. “I know a bunch of people who are asking from artwork from you. They will pay.”

“Really?” Ashlyn looked excitedly.

“I think,” said Ali, “that we should set a website for you, with Copyright. You can post pictures of your artwork there, and we can block it so no one can steal them, put a watermark in the pictures too, and people could use it to order artwork. Put the price you want, it'll sell.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“I'm sure. My brother Kyle knows someone who could set it up for you for free, happily. He's dating an IT guy.”

A smile appeared in Ashlyn's face, suddenly excited.

“Yeah... yeah, let's try, why not?”

Turns out it was a success. Ali would talk about Ashlyn to everyone she knew, social media, everywhere. So her fans, her friends, her teammates and her family all started to order artwork and Ashlyn was always busy. But the rules were simple; each piece would cost a minimum of fifty dollars, plus sending expenses, as it was no secret that Ashlyn came from the streets and had no other way to survive. Most of Ali's friends and family were rich or fans that already spent a lot on merchandise, so knowing it was for a good cause only encouraged them further, and money wasn't a problem. And then, each piece went into a queue of production, that Ashlyn could update in the website so everyone knew if their piece was on the works, in which stage, how many orders were ahead, or how many days would approximately take to finish. Ashlyn aimed to finish each piece within a month from it being ordered, but sometimes when she had a hundred orders a week, it wasn't so easy.

So a month after that heart-to-heart in the sofa with Ali, Ashlyn was doing very well, and making some money. The day she made her fist ten thousand pounds, only a few weeks after opening her business, she was so happy she invited Ali and her family out for dinner to celebrate, as Ali had also finally signed her divorce and they had plenty to celebrate.

“Cheers,” Ashlyn said happily, standing by the table in her brand new suit, a Christmas present from the Kriegers. “To you, the best gang I'll ever meet. None of this would be possible without you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You saved my son and I and... I can never be grateful enough. I love you, thank you.”

“Aw...” Ali beamed, standing to hug her close, “you deserve it all. Good bloody job, artist.”

“To the artist!” Kyle announced proudly, lifting his glass to Ashlyn.

“To the artist!”

They had fun, and it was followed by lighter and happier few weeks, with Ali going back to her soccer season and Ashlyn taking the baby to the games while her lawyer, provided by the Kriegers, dealt with recovering TJ's custody. And then finally, when Ashlyn had been living with Ali for nearly four months, it came time to end the long procedure to get the custody back.

As they woke up on a Wednesday, they had to get ready quickly because Ashlyn had a hearing in court where the judge would decide if, after having seen Debbie's recommendation, Social Services' recommendation, and evaluated the case, Ashlyn got TJ's custody back. All that was left to do was for Ashlyn to talk to the judge herself, lawyers aside.

“It'll be just fine,” Ali reassured Ashlyn, all dressed-up with a skirt suit and smart looks, while she adjusted Ashlyn's tie. The day before she had convinced Ashlyn to go to the hairdresser and get her hair trimmed a little, looking smart. She had also gotten Ashlyn into a very nice dentist just months ago so the former homeless could recover the white in her teeth and get rid of the little spots that had appeared during her homelessness. “You _are_ Teddy's mother. All you have to do, is tell them. The love you have for him shows on its own, effortlessly, just let it happen.”

Ashlyn nodded, nervous.

“I can do this, right?”

“Of course,” Ali kissed her cheek. “You're a good person. You've just been unlucky, not a criminal, you deserve him.”

To Ashlyn's surprise, even though only she and TJ's foster family could attend the hearing, she found there was a ton of support waiting for them just outside the hearing room, in the corridor. Ashlyn had been hanging out, through Ali, with Ali's friends and teammates, and now they came to support her, which was a huge surprise.

“Kick some ass dude,” Megan Rapinoe, a striker for the Orlando Pride -which was Ali's club-, who had become very close with Ashlyn, hugged her tight.

“It's gonna be fine,” Abby Wambach, an old friend from Ali who had played with her in the National Team before retiring, also hugged her.

“Thanks guys,” Ashlyn smiled, touched. “Woah, you didn't have to come...”

“We wanted to,” Sydney Leroux, who had a son a bit older than TJ and played alongside Ali and Megan smiled warmly at her before hugging her as well. “Just deep breaths, okay? They only want the best for TJ, just like you do.”

The hearing started simple, with a review of the case so everybody could remember what had been said and done. And then, the judge started interviewing Ashlyn.

“What have you done to improve your situation and earn your child's custody back?” was one of the judge's many questions.

Ashlyn shifted nervously in her seat, but looked at Ali and her little nod and wink were enough to fill her with confidence again.

“I've been going to therapy twice a week, as recommended by Social Services,” explained Ashlyn. “I've updated all my vaccines, ensured my health is perfectly good, I've started a new business that's going really well, my economic situation has improved greatly so I'm looking at a new place to live just Teddy and I, and I've done everything I was told I had to do. I look after Teddy on my own most of the time under Mrs Alongi's close watch, I follow Social Services' guidance, I've rebuilt a bond with my son, I cook, I do everything a mother should do. I've even just gotten a life insurance and...” she scratched her head in thought. “I'm saving a lot of money up in case my business fails again, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. I receive about ten new orders for artwork every week, I've never had so much work in my life and yet, since I work home, I can perfectly well mother Teddy at the same time, make art for him, take care of him and give him my undivided attention... I only work when he's either sleeping, or playing with someone else, often Mrs Alongi or the Kriegers, who I want to keep a close part of his and my life forever.”

The judge made some notes and then looked severely at Ashlyn.

“You abandoned your child in a stranger's doorstep. How do you justify yourself?”

Ashlyn gulped at the severe tone, and sighed.

“I don't,” she simply replied. “Leaving a child is unjustifiable, and it's by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But, Your Honour, I don't consider I abandoned him with a stranger.”

“You don't?”

“Debbie Alongi might not have been someone I knew well, but I knew she was a good person and a good mother, because I was familiar with who her children were and the fact that they were good people, which told me she was a good mother, and I had met Mrs Alongi at the Social Services offices and always was treated with the utmost kindness and respect by her. She always made me feel like I actually mattered, and I knew she was financially well off, that her husband had a good company... I knew if my child was with them, chances were he would end up just as well and Ali and Kyle Krieger, Mrs Alongi's own children,” Ashlyn explained. “The way I see it, Sir, and it's only my personal opinion, I was between the sword and the wall and my only options were either letting some stranger in foster care take care of my child, or picking myself a seemingly good family to be his foster family, as in no case could I bring Teddy along into the streets,” her lawyer had advised her to call her son Teddy for the judge, because it sounded more personal and maternal than TJ. “I knew Mrs Alongi and her family better than I could know anyone the system placed my child with, after all, so I left my son with them for what I considered a very limited amount of time, as my priority was always to improve my situation and get him back as fast as I possibly could, not to let some other family, whoever they are, raise my child.”

“You could've visited. You could've sought Mrs Alongi's advise from the start and followed it. You could've worked with her, instead of leaving her to fix your mess, Mrs Harris.”

“Visit? For what, Sir? Why spend my time bothering a good family with my presence, that for all I knew could not be welcomed, when I should be investing my every drop of energy on finding a job and improving my situation? And I did listen to her advice, I sought it, I wanted to do the right thing... but as I said, I didn't really have options. Unfortunately Mrs Alongi's possibilities with me were very limited, because the system doesn't offer so much. And besides... I knew my son and his foster family wouldn't get a chance to really bond and do their lives peacefully if I was constantly around, and I'm not some pity case, I never was going to be, I refused to make a good family feel enough pity to help me, I wasn't going to be a weight on their shoulders.”

“And yet they're the ones rescuing you from the streets, isn't it?”

“They...” Ashlyn fell speechless for a moment, feeling cornered. “Well, Your Honour, I always intended to not need anybody's help, to make it on my own, and I do intend to return every penny I've been given to their family. I've only accepted their help because in the beginning of my homelessness, I had hope and confidence that I could do it on my own, but after I almost died in the street, and after Mrs Alongi found me and showed me my son again... I realized that my method wasn't working and that the next responsible thing was to avoid any pride and just accept the help I was offered, because it's the best for my son. I believe every child should be with their biological family whenever they want them, they love them, and they want to be the right family for them. And I believe that refusing the help I was offered three months ago wouldn't have done my son any favours. I would've unnecessarily deprived him from his only parent left alive and all for what? Pride? No... when you're a mother you do whatever it takes for your baby, even if it means getting a huge debt, begging for help, accepting any kindness anyone has left to give you.”

The Judge contemplated then her words, straightening in his seat and fixing his eyes on her so intently she felt it hard to hold his gaze without seeming defiant.

“I want to know what you will do if your situation fell on the rocks again, to keep Teddy.”

Ashlyn looked back at the supporting foster family for a moment before returning her gaze to the judge, the answer in her lips.

“Sir, I was alone before, but I'm not anymore. My son and I no longer get to say we have no family or friends, because now, thanks to the Kriegers and the Alongis, we do. I'll spend my life trying to repay them for all they've done for us... but were my situation to go down again, I know I can simply ask them for help once more. I know the moment my business stops going so well, they will aid me to find a job that provides more financial stability, and I'm already saving money for Teddy's education... I know I can handle this. And I can swear that no matter what, I won't separate from Teddy again. I will bite my pride as many times as required if I have to, to ask help as often as I need to, even though my aim is to not need it, I'll do whatever it takes to ensure Teddy always has a home with me, always has warm food on the table, proper education and a proper future far better than I ever had. He will be happy, he will be loved, and he will be in the best possible hands. I guarantee it.”

In the back, Debbie and Ali exchanged a proud smile, getting a little emotional of happiness.

“All right,” the judge pursed his lips and nodded. “I see you've got quite a few tattoos. How did you afford those but not your son's maintenance?”

The question made Ashlyn furious, but she took a deep breath and answered simply.

“Your Honour, every tattoo I have I got it before my wife was even pregnant, back when we enjoyed a good economical situation and good health, back when we could even afford a nice house and a nice wedding, and back when we maintained some friends, in North Carolina where we lived through our best years, some of whom were tattoo artists and offered discounts.”

“Okay then. I only have one more question for you, Mrs Harris. When your son was born nearly a year ago, you and your wife had an estimated worth, in property and savings, of about twenty thousand dollars, correct?”

“Correct.”

“And when two months later your wife passed away, you were out in the street within days. How did you spend twenty thousand dollars, plus an inheritance of five thousand dollars, in about a couple months?”

“Sir, my wife and I had a humble insurance that didn't cover the full extend of her medical care so that when she died I was given the receipt and I had to pay about seven months worth of medical care and surgeries, not to mention tests, plus all the medical care required for the pregnancy and birth of my son. That was more than fifteen thousand dollars in one day, Sir,” Ashlyn informed him. Ali felt her words like a punch in the stomach. How could things be so horrible with the American health? “Next, I had to pay for my son's newborn care. Clothing, nappies, vaccines... The first couple months of his life cost me about five hundred dollars. My wife's health had deteriorated so that by the time our son was born she hadn't worked in five months, and my freelance artist business, which never particularly sailed, had fully sunk by the time she was four months pregnant, so when our son was born no money was coming in. I had taxes to pay, rent, one car that I ended-up selling... and then my wife's funeral, the cheapest possible one, was three thousand dollars. The little else that remained went on food and home costs... and whatever else I had wasn't enough to stay afloat, so I gave it to Mrs Alongi along with my son, and all the money I could get from selling all I had, including my wife's belongings,” her tone hid some anger for her situation, and Ashlyn's fists clenched under the table. “You want to know how I ended up in the freaking streets, Your Honour? Ask that to the President, maybe. Ask him why I got a shit widow pension, I had to give to Internal Revenue a huge chunk of my very few earnings, I had huge taxes, unaffordable medical care for my wife and son, or why America is so freaking unaffordable in general. Ask him, Sir, because I guarantee I did not end up in the streets because I was spending my money on whores, alcohol, drugs and partying. I spent my every penny on trying to survive, and I starved myself to give more to my son, and we managed to stay afloat for quite a surprising amount of time before we finally lost everything, only because I was willing to sacrifice everything to stay afloat. I don't even conserve my wedding ring anymore, because its worth was enough to buy several weeks of food,” she waved her empty hand. “I gave everything, Your Honour, for Teddy. Everything.”

As they waited outside for the judge to make a decision, Ali felt like throwing up, not just from the nerves, but because Ashlyn's story made her sick to her stomach, and furious. But as she turned and saw Ashlyn smiling as she blew raspberries on her growing baby's tummy, and he giggled, she took a deep breath and relaxed. They would be okay, no matter what.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's anything in particular you'd like to read about, I always accept suggestions and petitions, by the way. I'm always writing, and ideas are always welcomed.


	7. The waves will drag you in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I must warn you this chapter broke my heart to write, it's very sad... but please don't kill me ;)

**Chapter 7: The waves will drag you in.**

That night, the party was hard to stop. But at one point Ali realized the queen and king of the party were gone, and finally found Ashlyn in the nursery, where they had been putting Teddy to sleep ever since he got too big for his cot and just the right size for his crib a few weeks before. Ali didn't interrupt them, but through the crooked door saw there was only a lamp on, and Ashlyn was in the rocking chair, softly rocking a sleeping Theodore who in only a month, would have his first birthday.

Ali realized then Ashlyn was speaking very softly to him.

“You are loved, you are wanted, and you have an angel in Heaven, and several down here, who will always be there for you,” Ashlyn was saying, peppering kisses over his face. “I love you, my boy... and I swear that from now on, everything will be better for us. I'm going to get my shit together, I'm going to get our old house back, and you will grow up flying kites around the beach and doing artwork with me, surfing on the weekends and having bed time stories and songs every night... and we will frequently visit Auntie Ali, Uncle Kyle, and Auntie Debbie, and have lunch or dinner with them, and you'll play with them and always call them family. And you'll go to a good school, make countless of friends, we will have a puppy maybe, go to the aquarium and the zoo on the weekends, and enjoy a bright future,” Ali smiled warmly at the thought, praying inwardly that they could give TJ all of that and more. “And Teddy, I will tell you all about your Mummy every day. How she loved you more than anything, how beautiful of a person she was, and how she will always be your Guardian Angel, so you'll never have anything to fear. Life is going to be absolutely wonderful, my boy. Sweet dreams.” She kissed his cheek soundly and put him in his crib, and Ali hid a little, not wanting to be seen. A part of her wanted to go and respect Ashlyn's privacy, but she found herself glued to the other woman, unable to get her eyes off her sweetness and loving nature. The former goalkeeper was taking the picture of her and her wife by the crib, and kissed her wife's face. “Goodnight my love. Thank you for putting Debbie and Ali in our lives... I think we're going to be okay now. You were right, as always... good things come to those who deserve them. I should've known you weren't about to leave us alone. You never would.” Her voice had gotten a bit emotional, and this time Ali did separate and return downstairs, leaving her friend some privacy.

Ali only returned back upstairs hours later, when everybody emptied the house from partying and they all went to sleep. Ashlyn had been in bed for hours, so Ali did a quick detour to her room, looking sweetly at the woman sprawled on the bed, probably exhausted, sleeping soundly. She had a paint stain on her nose, dry, and Ali noticed she had been painting a bit before bedtime, as her sketch pad was open by the feet of the bed, a pencil still on it. Ali gently placed them on her desk and leaned over the bed, kissing Ashlyn's forehead on impulse as a wave of affection took over.

“Sleep well, beautiful. Better times are just around the corner.”

In the few months spent together, both women had grown quite close together. Ashlyn had a dark, infectious humour, Ali adored, and was hard-woking, quite the good chef, caring and always looked after Ali, making her feel always cared for and appreciated. Playing together with TJ and seeing him being to roll over and crawl had become some of Ali's favourite activities through the day, and she found that spending time with Ashlyn, even when they were just sitting together quietly, felt incredibly right and comfortable for her. She'd rather do that, than going out to clubs without her.

Next stop was TJ's room. It was nearly two in the morning, so Ali wasn't surprised by how deeply asleep he was, his tiny belly raising now and then and his body stretched just like his Mum's, with the tiny pacifier in his mouth. Ali grinned and kissed his sweet, warm face.

“Dream fun things sweetheart,” Ali stood staring at him for a while, until she could will herself to go back to her room. The boy was just too cute.

Sleep, however, was cut sharply by panicked screams that had Ali jumping off her bed before six in the morning.

“HELP! HELP! WAKE UP TJ, WAKE UP!”

Ali ran with her heart pumping hard in adrenaline, and found Ashlyn in the baby room, with him lying motionless on the changing table as she tried to perform infant CPR and panicked.

“Ash, Ash, what's wrong?” Ali rushed to them and when she realized Teddy was white as a sheet and seemingly deep asleep, with no movement or sound, her heart fell straight to the ground. “No... no... what happened?”

“I don't know!” Ashlyn had tears running down her cheeks as she, full of anguish, tried to save her son. “I woke up at the same hour he always wakes us up for breakfast, but he wasn't crying so I came,” she rambled, anguished, “and he wasn't breathing! Call someone! Get help! He can't die Ali he can't die!”

**. . .**

There was no consolation possible.

They called it Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, or SIDS, and it was more likely to happen to boys rather than girls, to premature babies, and to babies whose biological mothers had had health issues during their pregnancy. There were of course many other risk factors, but those were the only ones that applied to Teddy.

Ali would never forget the way Ashlyn howled in the most heartbreaking, Earth-shattering way, full of the most unimaginable, excruciating pain, when the paramedics finally declared, after an hour unsuccessfully trying to revive Theodore, that unfortunately there was nothing else they could do, that he was gone. Ashlyn had banged the walls, screamed full of pain, inconsolable, making the paramedics get emotional too, even more as she finally crumbled to the floor and cried holding her dead son to her chest.

Making her let go of him for the final time was excruciatingly painful too. Ali, who was nearly as heartbroken, took a leave off work due to death of a relative, and with her mother and step-father, handled the whole funeral preparations. Ashlyn couldn't. As a matter of fact, they regularly had to check she was still alive, because from the moment they left Theodore at the hospital for his remains to be taken care of and Ali physically dragged her back home, as she was the only one there at that moment, Ashlyn seemed dead alive. Her eyes were often open, her eyes were cried-out, but she was pale as a sheet, motionless, just sitting or lying wherever they put her, and if her eyes found any tear at any point, it'd just fall silently down her cheek. Even her heart seemed to start pumping oddly, as sometimes Ali and her family, once they got there as fast as they could, would notice Ashlyn suddenly gasp as if remembering to breathe, or do a bit of a choking sound. She refused food. She refused even water. She only moved to use the toilet. The police could hardly get any answers from her, as the investigation had to take place by law, but it wasn't necessary; Ali was the last one who saw Theodore, and he had been alive. There were security cameras in the house that showed the doors to their bedrooms, and Ashlyn hadn't left her room all night. No one had entered TJ's room and killed him.

“Just some water, sweetie. You need it, you must be dehydrated,” Debbie insisted on the morning of the funeral, two mornings after TJ's sudden death. She was heartbroken, sadness written all over her face, but did her best as a tough matriarch to look after who she considered now her youngest daughter, holding a glass of water to Ashlyn's lips. The youngest woman had been sitting on the same spot of the sofa, unmoving, for the past three and a half hours. She hadn't moved even to move her pupils, that remained lost in some point of the floor, her showing no signs of awareness. It was like seeing someone in coma with the eyes open. “Please Ashlyn, please, for me. Just a little bit of water.”

Ashlyn's lips were so dry they were breaking out, even when Ali had been regularly coating them with lip balm, but they finally quivered just enough to allow some water in. Initially she choked and Debbie had to make sure she wouldn't choke, get less water in her mouth at the time, but at last she managed to get half a glass into the woman.

“Thank God,” Mark, Debbie's second husband, stood nearby in his black suit, watching Ashlyn with eyes full of worry.

“It's time,” Ali appeared. Her voice sounded dead and empty of emotion, she was wearing all black with deep bags under her eyes and glassy eyes, and for the first time, there wasn't even a shadow of a smile in her face. She walked to Ashlyn and tenderly fixed her hair. She had dressed the younger woman in a dark suit with her mother's help, and had made sure she was presentable for the tragic day. “Let's go sweetie. It's time to take him to Amy.”

Ashlyn gulped and for the first time in days, her eyes moved, and landed on Ali, lacking all life behind the hazel pupils. When she spoke, her voice was so weak and hoarse it didn't sound like herself at all.

“What are they going to do to my baby? Are they going to put him six feet underground, all alone?”

“No,” Ali reassured her, caressing her cheek as somehow another tear appeared. “We're going to Satellite Beach, we're going to have him cremated, and his remains will be poured into a new, bigger urn, where Amy's ashes have already been moved into. That way they will be together. The plan was to put the urn where Amy's been all this time, but I guess we could take it home if you'd rather.”

Ashlyn sighed deeply, as if struggling with her breathing, and then shook her head, her face sunken and sullen.

“It's okay. They can stay there... they can hear the waves of the ocean from there.”

That was the last Ashlyn said all day. Their friends joined them at the funeral, that was the most heartbreaking, saddest of funerals, even more as they saw TJ's body for the last time before cremation, with Ashlyn getting final minutes with him, and they remained by the tomb, which had a new name added to the engraving, until the hole was fully refilled. Only then did they dare to encourage Ashlyn to go. They were planning on having some lunch at the beach, hoping it would help Ashlyn somehow.

At least, Ashlyn walked. Ali held onto her arm to somehow hold her steady and guide her, until suddenly Ashlyn stopped walking and Ali feared they'd have to carry her the rest of the way. But Ashlyn was just staring at a land where apparently a house had been taken down.

“What?” Ali asked, seeing Ashlyn's face sink a little further, when she hadn't thought it possible. “Ash?”

“That was my house. The dream house we had. The one I was going to buy to the bank for TJ and I's new chapter.”

Ali followed her eyes to the demolished property and her stomach sunk further than she thought possible. She heard herself mutter 'no' without being too conscious of it.

“They demolished it. Bastards...” Kyle whispered in realization.

“Maybe it's just a similar street... are you sure it's that one, sweetie?” Debbie asked tenderly.

Ashlyn nodded and pointed at the house still standing next to the hole.

“Those are the Hoxtons. They used to make biscuits for us on Sundays. They had chocolate chips and Amanda made the most luscious sounds eating them. And that,” Ashlyn pointed ahead to the beach in the other side of the land, “was our backyard. The bank took the house from our landlord, kicked me out with a newborn in one hand and the wife dying in hospital, and all just to... demolish it.”

They stared at it in anger and horror for a moment, and then Mark took control and wrapped an arm firmly around Ashlyn, dragging her away.

“Let's go. Let's just return to Orlando.”

But back home, Ali was ready to just set fire to what had been Teddy's room. Ashlyn couldn't enter it anymore either, so they closed it and made a silent agreement to pretend it didn't exist. And it took two weeks and many hours of therapy, but eventually Ali felt strong enough to walk outside and push Ashlyn forward, and Ashlyn was a bit more responsive.

“Let's just do grocery shopping,” Ali suggested, sensing they needed some air and nature and seeing their fridge empty, even though their friends had been bringing stuff. “We'll have a stroll to the little shop two streets away, get some pancakes.”

Ashlyn, who had been sitting on the floor of her room staring aimlessly at an unfinished painting she was behind with, nodded and made it to her feet, not without stumbling for a moment and making Ali rush to hold her steady.

“I'm fine,” the artist assured, finding her footing. “I'm good.”

“You're not,” Ali argued, helping her downstairs. “Come, we're not moving until you eat some. You cannot continue like this, Ashlyn, you're going to end up badly...”

“Why not?” Ashlyn grumbled. “It's not like I have any reason to stay alive. I don't have family that needs me, barely have friends, no one to take care of... death would be a welcome relief,” she flopped onto a kitchen stool looking grim, and lied her head on her arms outstretched over the kitchen island. “Just leave me alone, Ali.”

“You listen to me right now,” Ali was getting both upset and angry with that way of thinking, and her tone became severe, sitting on the stool next to her and pulling from Ashlyn's shoulder so she'd look up to her, which Ashlyn begrudgingly did. “You cannot continue like this,” she repeated more clearly and severely. “You can't, because I care about you. Because if I have to lose you too, I'll die of guilt and sorrow next, because you're my friend, because I would miss you, damn it! You can't just let yourself die like this, because your son was stolen his whole life, your wife was stolen the best years yet to have, and you don't get to decide to die just because life sucks, not when there are so many people who wanted to live so badly and didn't get to choose.”

Ashlyn scowled and showed her the most temper she had ever shown her, fulminating her with her eyes and straightening up in her seat. She didn't have strength in her voice, but the tone was enough to make it as severe and serious as it needed to be.

“You will not make me feel guilty for not wanting my life when other people don't get to decide. You won't. For you, maybe even for Amy, life is this treasure to protect at all costs, even when it means forcing miserable people to have it, but for me, Ali? You don't get to talk to me like this. Not to me. When, for fucks sakes, have I had any blessings in life to treasure? I had two, and look what happened!!! All life gives me is pain, is sorrow, is loneliness, is excruciating ache in my heart!” Ali separated a bit at her loudness, looking sadly at her. Ashlyn had tears in her eyes of both anger and sadness, and was looking at Ali in an unfamiliar way, as if Ali had disappointed her greatly. “I haven't gotten to choose anything! I've been dead alive for longer than I've had any happiness in this fucking world! I'm already dead...” her voice broke and she got up, tears falling down her eyes as she paced towards the window. “You wouldn't force a dying animal to keep living until their bodies collapsed, you'd have mercy, you'd help them go with dignity and spare them more unnecessary pain...” Ashlyn murmured. “Why can't you do that with me?” she sniffled and rubbed her face and Ali rushed to her, wrapping her arms around her waist from the side.

“Ashlyn sweetie...” Ali didn't know what to say. She held her close and put her chin on Ashlyn's shoulder, watching her full of sadness.

“I shouldn't have to be forced to live just to be life's boxing sack Ali. I'm a human being, I've never harmed a fly, I've always been a kind person, I've always helped others... and all I've gotten is... it feels like someone's actually stabbed my heart and ripped it to pieces, Ali,” Ashlyn sobbed out, leaning her forehead against the glass of the window. “I want to get to decide. I want to go somewhere where I can't suffer anymore. Somewhere where maybe, even if it's just the slimmest chance, I could be with my loved ones again. The only two I ever had to call family...”

“You have me now. I am family, Ash, family loves each other, family takes care of each other, family are always there... aren't we that?” Ali offered gently, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “I promise things will be better...”

“You don't get it. You can't possibly get it...”

“Then explain it to me.”

Ashlyn took a deep breath and looked down at her with so much pain Ali was initially taken aback.

“You'd die of guilt and sorrow, you'd miss me, you care. All those things you said? How else do you think I feel every day of my life, Ali?” Ashlyn said weakly. “Every day I surprise myself waking up again, all I can feel is guilt, unbelievable sadness, my insides ripped open. Every day I live and they don't? That was my family. I was supposed to take care of them. A son should never die before his mother... I was one of two heads of the family, and I couldn't do anything. Twice I saw the most important person in my life die before my eyes without being able to do anything to help, twice I get to be the survivor who doesn't deserve life more than they did,” she took a deep breath and it sounded flat, as if her heart was actually going to give in, which made Ali hold her tighter with her arms around her waist. “I don't want to get anything more good in life because the more you have, the more you had to lose. When I was a teenager... I had nothing, it was easier to keep living... I never dreamed of things I had never had, never missed them, was hardly envious of others... now I know how good it can be. Now I've had the best things in the universe and lost them, it can't possibly get any better than what I had... so I don't want to lose something so good again. I don't want to have it. I'd rather... honestly I just want my heart to stop beating. Stop forcing me to keep suffering.”

“I know,” Ali sighed, full of sadness for who she considered one of her best friends, and gently pushed her to sit on a chair at the small kitchen table, feeling like the stool might not be enough to hold her. She left Ashlyn there, where she could watch her doze off on the table, and quickly warmed up chicken soup leftovers for her and filled a glass of fresh water, all of which she set on the table before sitting next to her and gently waking her up. “Just open your mouth, I'll do the rest.”

Ashlyn was too emotionally drained to argue, and so she let her feed her, letting the warmth of the soup comfort her a little. Then, Ali helped her get outside to the small backyard and they sat together on Ali's bench swing, rocking back and forth gently while leaning against the cushioned back. Ali had wrapped an arm around Ashlyn and let her head lean on her shoulder.

“Ashlyn... I know our lives have been universes apart,” Ali began softly, when she could collect her thoughts, “and there is so much I can't possibly understand, no matter how much I want to. But... I still believe that you've just been awfully unlucky. That your birth family must've been unlucky and unable to keep you, and you ended up in the wrong foster care, the wrong adoptive families... I mean, who even gave you a name, uh?”

“The orphanage,” Ashlyn mumbled. “They have a list, first-come first-get basis. I got Ashlyn Michelle Gallie, but when I married I got my wife's Harris, which comes from her final adoptive parents, who were super nice. Unfortunately they were quite old and died before being grandparents, with us being young too.”

“Shit, so you just got whichever name was your turn to get?” Ali puffed. “Well that sucks. Like, okay, I get it, your life has been full of shit that really sucks. But you're living in the past, Ash. You focus mostly and most strongly on everything that was terrible, which is normal because your brain struggles more to process those memories and therefore focuses more on them in an attempt to process them, but there's still so much more.”

“Is this when you give me the motivational speech of all the beautiful things life has to offer and how I should go and seek them?”

“No,” Ali smiled sadly but slightly amused, shaking her head. “I'm just saying you should try and remember the good more often. The feeling of a good morning coffee, the sun in your skin while surfing, the salt in your lips, the hot sand beneath your feet, a good fillet, chocolate ice cream with chips, a bicycle ride across the countryside, lips on your lips... her laughter, her incredible love, the feeling of TJ's hand around your finger. I know there's sadness in good memories too because they're over, but I think that some things _are_ in your control, and that if we can remember the things we like, the things that make us feel good, and make it our daily goal to have more of those every day... then maybe the world doesn't have to suck so much.”

“I can't resuscitate the dead.”

“You can wake up, shower, get dressed in your favourite shirt. You can go have a bagel and a coffee, and do some art. You will still feel sad, you will still miss them and remember them and wish they were here, at first you'll still feel dead inside and without energy every day... but you be kind to yourself and give yourself some more good things each day, and over time, just time, it won't feel so bad. Over time, wounds heal, even if the scars remain forever. You're only what, twenty-six?”

“Twenty-seven,” Ashlyn clarified in a murmur. “My wife kept count of my birthdays. I never paid attention to them until she came around and chose a birthday for me, because I only know the year and month I was born. I was found in a skip.”

“Right... well then you're still very young, Ashlyn. Listen to this old fart,” Ali joked lightly, squeezing her gently. “This is just about two decades of your very long life. For all you know, you may be about to have the best sixty years of your life. For all you know, there may be something so good that makes all the pain so worth it... like, imagine if you had killed yourself as a teen, never gotten to fall in love and have TJ.” That got Ashlyn's attention, and she straightened and looked at her. “Trust me, give yourself some time to heal, to recover, to learn to think of them and smile because you were blessed to have them and not suffer so much because they were taken away... and then you'll see good stuff is right there for you. Your thriving business, plenty of friends who love you now, who will always support you, who you can't all lose, because we're quite a few... this is rock bottom, and it only gets better from here on.”

“Will you help me?”

“Of course,” Ali kissed her forehead, looking lovingly at her. “I'll do anything to help you.”

“And you won't leave me like everyone else?”

“I won't,” swore Ali, determined. “And even if something happened to me... I'll somehow still take care of you, with your wife next to me. And there'll be plenty of friends more, and my family... you're not alone anymore. We will never let you be.”

Ashlyn smiled sadly and nodded, leaning into her arms.

“Thank you Ali.”

“It's okay,” Ali hugged her tight, caressing her hair. “It'll be okay.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://jantebellum.tumblr.com/post/616566533139873792/thank-you


	8. And then I found the meaning

**Chapter 8: And then I found the meaning.**

It was a sunny April when Ashlyn surprised Ali by saying 'yes' to her thirtieth offer that week of making plans to go out. Ashlyn had just returned from a therapy appointment, and although she wasn't feeling too up for going out, she had lately been noticing how sad Ali looked and felt that if she could give her a little smile, she should. It was the very least she owed to Ali.

“I promise it'll be something calm,” Ali reassured her with an excited smile as she adjusted her lipstick while they grabbed their coats to go. “Just dinner with the girls.”

“All right,” Ashlyn forced a small smile and put her coat on. Her coat felt baggy now, after the weight she had lost, even though now she was eating a little once again.

She didn't ask questions as Ali drove, and again she didn't ask them as they walked inside a crowded pub. She didn't care where they were going, as long as Ali was happy. At last, the waitress, who evidently knew Ali, led her into a private balcony booth over the dance floor, where they found the rest of their friends gathered on a large 'u' shaped sofa around a squared table.

Up there they could still hear music from downstairs, but not so loudly, so it was easy to hold a normal conversation without straining your voice.

“My friends!” Megan jumped to them and hugged them both in a tight hug. “Lucky the eyes that see you!” she then gently took Ashlyn's face in her hands and her small and tender brown eyes scanned Ashlyn's hazel ones full of worry. “How are you doing Ash?”

“Meh,” Ashlyn shrugged. “Can I have a drink?”

“You can have all the drinks you want,” Tobin was there with her long brown hair back in a high ponytail, and hugged her. “We've missed you dude.”

“How was therapy today?” Christen, Tobin's girlfriend, came to hug her too, along with Sue, Megan's girlfriend, Abby and her wife Glennon. Alex and Sydney, Ashlyn had never asked how come almost all of Ali's close group of best friends were gay, but she wasn't.

“It brought me here...”

“Then we'll say it went well,” Abby exchanged a smile with Ali. “I'll go get you ladies some drinks. Same as always Ali?”

“Yes, thanks.”

“Ash?” Abby looked inquisitively at the younger woman.

“Whiskey on the rocks,” Ashlyn replied, sitting on the sofa with them.

It only took a few minutes for them all to be sitting with drinks, getting tipsy and talking animatedly. Ashlyn wasn't very concentrated on the conversation, but none of the friends minded; as long as she was going outside, it was all right. Then after a few minutes, Ashlyn noticed the waitress, who kept coming back and forth offering them drinks and food, kept glancing at her and when Ashlyn looked back, she smiled in a way Ashlyn, despite her rustiness in the flirting department, recognized as flirty. Then without minding being so obvious even the others noticed, the waitress leaned towards Ashlyn's ear to whisper.

“See you at the bar in two minutes? I've got something that could cheer you up.”

Ashlyn gulped but nodded slowly. She wasn't sure what to do. On the one hand, she had never had sex with anyone except her wife, she was in mourning and still feeling obligated to be faithful, but on the other hand, she had a lot of pent-up angry energy to discharge, Ali had told her to do everything that could bring her a little joy -and she supposed sexual pleasure counted- and she had drunk enough in an empty stomach for every absurd idea to seem absolutely logical. So when the woman disappeared, she got up.

“Where are you going?” Ali asked, watching her finish her second whisky on the rocks in one sitting.

“If I've understood things correctly,” said Ashlyn, “to have some good old bathroom sex with that sexy waitress. If not, I'll make a fool of myself and be back in five.” The waitress wasn't that sexy, certainly Ashlyn could think of quite a few women, Ali included, that were more desirable, but it was quite good still.

Ali frowned, but their friends seemed excited for her and there were some teasing whistles and giggles as Ashlyn rolled eyes, although smiled small, and walked out of the sofa. As she passed near Megan, she stopped her and pulled something from her wallet that she gave to Ashlyn; a small wrap.

“What's this?” inquired Ashlyn, confused.

“That's a mouth condom, my friend. If she goes around inviting clients randomly, you need to have your mouth protected.”

“Well thought, thanks.”

Ashlyn had understood perfectly well.

It took the waitress a minute to take her down to the staff bathrooms, put her against the wall and sink her tongue into Ashlyn's throat. It was a passionate, rushed and emotionless kiss, followed by an intense making out where they seemed uncoordinated, and Ashlyn felt the waitress moved her lips and mouth too fast, not giving her time to properly enjoy it. Then the waitress' lipstick was on her neck, her teeth gently biting and sucking Ashlyn's skin, opening her shirt and sliding hurried hands beneath her bra.

Ashlyn's nipples where then sucked a little too roughly, and far too desperate and clumsy fingers entered hard, while Ashlyn herself did her best to keep her companion satisfied, touching her and fondling her clit as they ended up lying on the floor over each other, clothes simply moving or opening enough to allow intercourse. However just as she was trying too hard to chase an orgasm, Ashlyn had a sudden strong deja vu of something bigger and more painful penetrating her hard, rougher hands clenching her breasts, something warm prodding her ass...

“Sorry,” Ashlyn suddenly rolled off her, buttoning up her shirt. “I have to go.”

“Wait, what? I was coming!”

“I'm sorry sexy, I'm not feeling all right,” Ashlyn adjusted her clothes, trying to cover the large hickeys on her neck. “Thanks for the help though.”

Ignoring her complaints, she rushed out of there and to the clients' bathroom to clean herself and wash her hands, and once she felt decent and like her raging heart had relaxed, she rushed back to her friends with a tray of tequila shots in her hand.

“Blessed the eyes that see you!” Sydney joked seeing the tequila. “TEQUILA!”

“I figured you'd need something stronger,” Ashlyn offered them all some shots, taking one herself with lime.

“You will surely need something stronger to cover that hickey! Did you have sex or fight a hyena?” teased Alex Morgan, elbowing her playfully. Ali looked serious and worried at Ashlyn across the table.

“I had shitty sex. She wasn't too good at it,” Ashlyn took another shot while hearing her friends' 'aww'. “Also,” she added casually, “I had somehow completely forgotten I was raped.”

“What?” Ali scowled. “Wait, what happened? We did know you were raped, you knew... what?”

Ashlyn sighed, realizing further explanation was needed now that her friends all looked quite worried, but she didn't want to make a big deal about it.

“I had forgotten most of the actual experience,” she clarified, “it got drowned in the ocean of other worries and problems. And anyway, this girl was fucking and... I got a very intense dejavu. I had to leave.”

“Shit, that sucks. Are you okay?” Abby reached across the table to hold her hand. “We're here if you need to talk.”

Ashlyn smiled small, appreciatively, and even in the dimly light of the room she looked tired as she shook her head.

“It's all right. I just want to go to sleep. I shouldn't take it too far on the first night out.”

“I'll take you home,” Ali was already getting up, but Ashlyn stopped her.

“Please, you stay, don't let me be a party popper. Besides you can hardly drive with those drinks, girls, please don't let her drive, you all are taking a taxi.”

“I'm coming Ash, if you think I'm going to leave you alone in the house...”

“Alex,” Ashlyn knelt in front of Ali and took her hands, locking eyes with her, “I swear I will not kill myself tonight. I swear I'll be fine when you get home. I just need to be by myself for a little bit, okay? Just a little. I'll walk home and go straight to bed, I promise.”

Ali frowned, uneasy and anxious, but at last she nodded.

“If you even try to hurt yourself I'm putting you in a mental hospital and I'm not joking.”

“I know,” Ashlyn kissed her cheek, leaving an extraordinary warmth there. “I will see you in the morning. Be safe ladies.”

“You too!”

“Wait, but are you going to walk around these streets alone at night? All the way home?” Ali was still not letting her off the hook.

“Ali, I'm a streets person, remember? I feel more at home out there than in the house. Don't worry, I know Orlando by heart, I'll be fine.”

Still, Ali made sure to go home not far behind her. She gave herself an hour without alcohol to drive later, and then rushed out to the street. The streets were mostly empty so she was going to quickly run to the other side of the road, but then suddenly, a car came out of nowhere and the next thing Ali knew, she was on the ground, aching all over, groaning in pain and unable to move.

Ashlyn ran into the Emergency Room with her heart beating so hard and so fast in adrenaline that she didn't know how she was still breathing. She rushed to the nurses' desk, saying she had received a call saying her housemate had been run over by a car, and for a moment she even forgot to say the name of such person. Eventually she was led into an adjacent small cubicle, where she found Ali sat up on a bed, reclined against many pillows, in a hospital gown, while a doctor gently spoke to her.

The sheets stopped Ashlyn from seeing much of Ali's wounds, but she could easily spot a wrist wrapped with an ice bag, fresh stitches on the edge of her forehead, a split lip and a bruised cheek.

“Ali!” Ashlyn rushed into the cubicle, and then towards her, leaning over her to kiss the top of her head. “Are you okay? What happened? I told you to grab a cab!” She was divided between intense worry, concern, and anger.

“Calm down,” Ali pleaded with a weak, tired voice. “I'm okay. I was just crossing the road, I didn't have time to get a cab... and Doctor Karev here was telling me I'm not so bad. She's Ashlyn, my housemate and best friend,” she added, looking back at the doctor.

“All right,” the brunette doctor smiled at Ashlyn politely. “As I was just saying, Ali will be all right. She has a minor concussion, but the MRI shows it'll heal on its own with rest, a twisted wrist we're icing before we can put some pomade on it and bandage it appropriately, a few bad contusions that can heal with time and be relieved with pomade, and a very small knee fracture that we're going to put in a cast and will heal with that and rehabilitation. Will be out of soccer for a couple months, but should be all right.”

“Thank God,” Ashlyn sighed in relief, and gently caressed Ali's cheek. “Can I get you anything?”

“I'm okay, I'll just chill here and let the nurses do their thing,” murmured Ali, smiling small to her. “Don't worry.”

“Can I stay here with her?” Ashlyn asked Doctor Karev. “I'm the closest thing she has to a family in this city.”

“Sure,” Dr Karev got up. “We have to take her for some X-Rays and to get bandaged-up though, it should be about an hour... we'll bring her here right when we finish. And she'll likely be discharged tomorrow.”

“Right, okay,” Ashlyn nodded, and looked back to Ali. “I'll be right here when you come back. Should I phone your Mum? Kyle?”

“No, just... phone the girls, they're probably worried I didn't text them to tell them I got home safely. And can you find out who has my personal belongings? Maybe at the desk...”

“Right, don't worry, I'll handle it,” Ashlyn kissed her cheek quickly. “I'll see you soon.”

“Thank you Ash.”

They next saw each other slightly over an hour later, when Ali was finally returned to the cubicle, all set to go to sleep, and smiled at Ashlyn when the younger woman showed her she had recovered a box of her belongings.

“How are you feeling?” Ashlyn asked sitting by her bed when they were finally left alone. “Does it hurt more?”

“They just gave me good painkillers, so I'm good to go,” replied Ali, touched by her care. “Did you call the girls?”

“Yes, and they made me swear I'd take care of you,” Ashlyn made her chuckle. “I'm sorry this happened. I should've let you come with me...”

“This isn't your fault,” Ali stopped her. “Ash, look at me. Bad things simply happen, just because it happens to occur to people you love it doesn't mean it's your fault.” Ashlyn sighed but nodded, taking her hand.

“I couldn't bear anything happening to you.”

“I know. But you're doing so well,” Ali squeezed her hand gently. “I'm getting sleepy...”

“That's okay, you just lie there and rest and I'll handle the rest.”

Ali didn't need to be told twice. In a moment, her eyes were closed and soon after, her deep breathing told Ashlyn she was deeply asleep. Only then did Ashlyn allow herself to lean back on her seat, take a deep breathe and relax, feeling the adrenaline go down and a state of calmness fill her. But her eyes remained fixed on Ali's sleeping figure, while she promised herself that she wouldn't lose Ali too. If the universe was so fixed on taking her loved ones away, she was going to make damn sure she wouldn't lose Ali, no matter how hard the world tried to take her.

  
  



	9. This could be love

**Chapter 9: This could be love.**

“I said I'm fine, please guys just relax,” Ali had only been home for two days, and she was already done with Ashlyn constantly hoovering over her to check she was okay, and their friends' constant watch, not to mention her Mum coming over for a whole day the day before just to make sure they had everything under control. With her leg on a cast, or at least part of it, Ali could not bend one of her legs and was retreated to her bed, to which Ashlyn carried her very carefully and with a remarkable show of strength that had surprised Ali.

“I'll get you some juice anyway, it's good for the body,” Ashlyn insisted, tucking her in bed for the third time in the past couple of hours and grabbing the now empty tray of food she had brought to Ali a while before. “Is the temperature all right? I could put on the fan...”

“Sweetie I swear I'm fine, thank you,” Ali smiled tiredly. She had the most patience with Ashlyn because she knew after all Ashlyn was going through, this was just normal.

“Awesome. Come on Logan, don't bother Mama, is time to nap and be calm uh?” she instructed the big dog, who had just jumped on the bed. “I'll be right back Ali.”

“Okay...”

Ali was bored but had plenty of TV and reading, and she was now collecting napkins where Ashlyn would doodle something for her every time she brought food upstairs. Ali joked she could no longer use the napkin, but loved the little gesture Ashlyn did to make her bed rest a bit nicer.

A few hours later, Ashlyn had gone to do some grocery shopping, and Ali heard her footsteps coming up the stairs again and then the gentle knocking on the door.

“Come in.”

Ashlyn's head peeked and she smiled at the brunette.

“Hi. Got you a little something.”

“Oh you shouldn't have both—,” Ali stopped mid sentence as Ashlyn came in with the most gorgeous, huge bouquet of colourful flowers, oranges, yellows, whites, reds and violets, all for her. “Woah, Ash! That's beautiful! Thank you.” She grinned sincerely, holding the bouquet.

“You like?” Ashlyn smiled shyly, hands on her pockets like a little kid.

“I love it, and gosh, they smell lovely! Thank you, really. Will you put them in a nice vase for me?”

“Sure,” Ashlyn took them back and Ali beamed at her, touched. It was enough to make Ashlyn feel her belly warm for the entire time she was trimming the flowers and accommodating them inside a large vase she brought to Ali's room.

“Wait a moment,” Ali stretched to grab her hand, having peeked what she thought was paint, and squealed when she confirmed dry blue paint in Ashlyn's hand. “You've been painting!”

It was a big deal when the former goalkeeper turned artist hadn't really painted since her son's death. The little doodles Ali had gotten were, as far as she knew, all the art she had done. Ashlyn was now blushing shyly, for some reason.

“It's nothing, just a little thing...”

“Is it one of your orders?”

“No, those are still on pause, it's... for the house.”

“You painted something for the house? Aw...”

“Well, uh... for... for your room, actually.”

Ashlyn had gotten so shy with her muttering that Ali was only more and more enthusiastic and curious.

“You painted something for me? Oh, Ash! Can I see? I promise I won't judge if it's not finished.”

“I did finish it today... I just didn't have time to frame it but... I guess it's all right. One moment.”

She went to her room and reappeared moments later with a big, square canvas. With ears red from shyness, she turned the painting around for Ali to see, and Ali's jaw dropped. The painting was about a metre high and a metre in width, and it was like being inside the Virginian forests of her hometown she had often told Ashlyn about. There were high thick trees against a blue sky, and thick bushes and fields, with deer, rabbits and, the more Ali looked, and the closely she did so, the more details she found all over the picture. An owl family up one tree, some little birds in another, a mole in one corner, a baby deer with a butterfly on the nose, the trail of a plane in the sky... there was so much detail Ali spent a couple minutes in silence, wanting to take every detail in, to keep discovering such a beautiful present. At last, she caught Ashlyn's signature, always 'A.M.H.' in a corner, together with the painting date.

“Ashlyn, this is the most incredible painting I've ever seen, and I'm a Friedricht nerd. Truly thank you, it looks like... like home!”

“I hoped so,” Ashlyn confessed to her. “I figured maybe you'd feel better with a piece of home here.”

“It definitely works! Oh, Ashlyn, this is the best present ever, I'm so grateful! Will you hang it right there so I can always look at it?” Ali pointed to a wall and Ashlyn nodded.

“I'll get the screws.” She grinned at Ali and set the painting down carefully before leaving.

They spent the rest of the day calmly. One dog walk the three together, with Ali on a wheelchair as her wrist was healing from being twisted awkwardly, and soon snuggles in Ali's bed eating pizza and watching TV. Ali felt quite clingy now that she was a bit unwell, and held onto Ashlyn's arm, leaning against her shoulder.

“Ali,” Ashlyn whispered as the TV went to publicity and she turned the volume of it down. “What are we going to do for TJ's birthday?”

Ali looked surprised at her, as she hadn't expected for Ashlyn to mention TJ, or to want to do anything for his birthday. Before he died they had a huge party planned, but afterwards...

“Do you want to do something?” Ashlyn nodded. “What do you want to do?” the younger woman shrugged.

“We could visit him, if your leg's better. Bring him some flowers... and we could donate his toys to charity so other children can celebrate their birthdays.”

“Sounds good,” Ali smiled sadly. “I miss him.”

“Yeah...” Ashlyn sighed, tightening the arm she had wrapped around her. “Yeah, me too.”

“Are you still moving out? 'Cause I like you here.” Before TJ's death, Ashlyn had been looking for a place for them both to move to.

“I guess not. Unless you want me out.”

“Didn't you just hear me? I'm going to kidnap you and keep you here forever.”

Ashlyn snorted a laugh.

“But you're letting me pay the rent of my room, though.”

“Uhm... a symbolic amount. A hundred a month and it's my final offer.”

“It's your only offer.”

“Excuse me for being a dictator,” Ali joked, and Ashlyn snorted a laugh, nodding.

“You're one of a kind, you know?”

They stared intently at each other for a moment, looking sweetly at one another, seemingly having a moment.

“I'm just an ordinary woman, you just look at me with very kind eyes.”

“In which other way am I supposed to look at the woman who made a room in her house for a baby that wasn't even hers? And then one for me?” Ashlyn wondered. “I wasn't a part of most of my son's life. You were. And you made every minute of it worth living, together with your family. Every time I think how he died alone in the middle of the night... I'm always consoled by the fact that he slept tenderly in the nice crib you picked for him, with the soft pyjama you bought for him, and the wonderful mobile he used to stare at for hours that you found for him. He was always okay because of you.”

Ali bit her lip and frowned.

“I'm not as good as you think.” She admitted fearfully.

“What do you mean?”

The defender looked a bit panicked, but Ashlyn reassured her with a gentle squeeze.

“The reason I had everything prepared here for TJ was because... I was going to adopt him,” Ashlyn's eyes widened, surprised. “When Mum got him, she didn't know what to do. She wanted to take care of him, but she has an age, she no longer has the energy for a baby... she became his foster mother, and the custody went to her, but the state still recognizes, for a year, that he has a birth mother that can come and try to regain his custody, until the birth parent's rights become more severed after the first year. So I had told my Mum that I'd do my paperwork and stuff to become an adoptive mother and... that I'd adopt him. Jeremiah didn't agree, which was the final push for our divorce to be completed, but... I really wanted to be a Mum and Ashlyn I'm thirty-one this year, single, my chances of having a child now are quite slim... I figured with my money and all, I could retire from soccer for a while to focus on TJ, bond with him, and then over time return to some professional activity once he could be in kindergarten or something. So when you came... in some way my dream shattered, I knew he was yours to keep, and I had come to really love him so... I consoled myself trying to keep him a part of my family somehow, making sure you'd be right for him... and I told Mum you could come to my house so I could keep an eye on you and figure out what kind of person you were, see if you were right for TJ. I even discontinued the process to become an adoptive mother so I could focus on you both.”

“I see,” Ashlyn nodded slowly. It was a lot of information to take at once, and for a moment she thought she should be pissed, but then she couldn't find the will to be angry. “Then, as I was saying... you loved him that much. You did everything for his well being. Everything. You were a mother, Ali. You behaved as such.”

“Didn't you hear me, Ash?” Ali was disconcerted by her lack of anger. “I wanted to take your child from you. I took you into my house, pretending to be super happy TJ had found his home, only to find any reason to tell social services you weren't right for him so I could keep him.”

“It's okay,” Ashlyn removed her arm from around Ali, but then held her hand and looked intently at her. “As I said, you became his mother too, somehow. You did everything I would have done. You distrusted me and wouldn't let him go without making sure you knew who he was going with. And deep inside, Ali, even if you don't see it... deep inside you wanted him to go back to his family. Because you helped me more than you needed to... you didn't just make sure I'd have a stable life for him, you made sure I was happy. You did a bloody good job, and there will never be hard feelings about it. But Ali, you should know... I never planned on taking him away. When I saw how you guys loved him... I could've never taken him away. I planned for you all to forever be his family for real. Make you his godmother or something.”

“Really?” Ali was visibly touched, and Ashlyn nodded.

“Who better than someone who was willing to sacrifice everything for him, uh?” Ashlyn smiled small. “Teddy was so lucky to earn such an amount of people who loved him and wanted to be his family. He might've been unlucky in many things... but not in that.”

“So we're good?”

“Ali, we're more than good. You're my best friend. I love you for it.” Ashlyn offered a warm smile and Ali felt relief wash over her, moving to hug Ashlyn.

“Thank you. And I love you too, for that matter,” Ali quickly added. “I'm so glad to have you.”

They were staring to intently at one another that Ali felt herself blush, even more so as, pulled by an invisible magnetism, their faces got closer and closer to each other. She could feel Ashlyn's breath on her lips, and seeing Ashlyn's eyes glued on Ali's lips, the brunette closed her eyes, relaxing her lips. She felt Ashlyn's breath closer and then unexpectedly, Ashlyn's lips on her cheek.

“I'm going to sleep. Call me if you need anything.”

“Uh? Right,” Ali blinked, startled, and saw Ashlyn getting up. “Sweet dreams Ash.”

“You too,” Ashlyn smirked at her. “Call me, uh? Don't try going to the bathroom alone.”

“I'll be a good girl, pinky promise.”

And with a last smile, Ashlyn disappeared, leaving Ali with a strange warmth and uneasiness in her stomach.


	10. I wanna know about these strangers like me

**Chapter 10: I wanna know about these strangers like me.**

There were good days and bad days, and soon they both learned that the important thing was not to expect to be happy continuously, but to push through every day no matter how it came. There were days any of them would spontaneously burst in tears, then days they might peek into Teddy's bedroom and feel okay, and days when it was better not to think about it at all.

They were both seeing a mental health professional, a different one each, in different amounts. Ashlyn needed it more, while Ali was more capable of going solo, because her mental health wasn't too bad. Instead, she'd spend more time rehabilitating her knee, because activity was her preferred coping mechanism and she needed her body back. And meanwhile, Ashlyn painted.

Her hair was short now, although still a bit of a mane, so Ali would often find her with a short half bun, paint stains, and her painting jumpsuit to avoid staining all her clothes.

“What are you working on now?” Ali inquired one day, using the crutches to walk into Ashlyn's room. She was bored to death most days now that she couldn't do exercise and work, and Ashlyn never minded her coming in, so it had become a routine for Ali to sometimes sit on Ashlyn's bed watching her work, many times silently, sometimes doing small talk. Now, the younger woman had a big canvas on the easel, and was sitting on a stool right in front, with a black charcoal, and no paint anywhere.

“A sketch,” Ashlyn answered. She sounded tired most of the time, but Ali knew she was happy to have her around. It was just that sleeping was hard, and sinking into work was easier. “I'm thinking of doing something for myself, since I managed to finish three orders this week.”

“All in one week? Woah, you really work hard,” Ali was impressed. “I guess it's time to put your services to yourself.”

Ashlyn then got up and let her see what she had been working on for the whole day, which she had previously covered while she sat in front. Ali's jaw then dropped and her eyes filled with tears. It was Teddy's beautiful big smile framed by chubby dimpled cheeks, in the arms of Amanda. The painting was small enough so it was only a portrait, and it looked like the baby was laughing towards the spectator stretching a small chubby hand towards it, while his mother attempted to hold him, kissing his cheek while a little smile could be seen through the kiss, and her eyes glanced at the spectator. And Ali knew the spectator was Ashlyn. Somehow, Ali imagined Ashlyn dreaming such a picture, seeing her family, the only one she had had, and waking up not wanting to forget it.

Now, the artist stood by the painting staring serious at it, meditative.

“Ash—,” Ali stopped to clear her throat, realizing her voice was coming raspy with emotion. “That's absolutely stunning. That's a masterpiece. It's perfect.”

“You don't think it needs colour?”

“No. Do you?”

Ashlyn shrugged.

“Not really. I actually never liked colouring. I liked sketching, growing up, always doing black and whites... I don't really know why. And looking at this... I think if I coloured, it'd lose part of the meaning. It'd feel like a happy scene, when there's actually a lot of tragedy about it.”

“Yeah...” Ali sighed, staring at Teddy's eyes. Even in black and white, she could almost see the colour. “Well done, Ash. I love it. It feels like... like he's actually here.”

“I really don't want to forget them,” Ashlyn murmured. Then, as if changing track of thought for herself, she walked towards Ali, turning her back on the painting, and puffed. “Okay so, something happened.”

Ali then turned to her, curious and intrigued.

“Good or...?”

“I don't know,” Ashlyn looked nervous. “Apparently being advertised by you and your teammates has brought a lot of general attention to me. And you know I get letters.”

“Yeah, some were very nice after Teddy... did one come you didn't like?”

“Is not that, is just... you have to see it yourself,” Ashlyn went to her bookshelf, where she kept a box with her favourite letters, and took one, handing it to Ali. “I need your opinion.”

They sat together on the bed and Ali read a very elegant, artistic handwriting, as if it was from an old person who had actually studied calligraphy. It reminded her of Ashlyn's own handwriting, that was very artistic.

' _Dear Ashlyn,_

_My name is Eunice Michelle Habovick and I'm an eighty-three year old former school art teacher from Satellite Beach, Florida. This might sound weird, but I need to tell you something._

_Early in 1985, my eldest son, then twenty-one year old gardener, Michael, had accidentally left his long-time girlfriend Tammye, who was a year younger and was studying to be an interior designer, pregnant. When Tammye became pregnant, her parents were very upset and took it badly; she was still economically dependent from them, and they couldn't really support a grandchild. They didn't have much money and had put the very little that was left on giving both of their children further studies, and they didn't like my son, who they considered a failure, because he dropped out of University. Therefore, they insisted Tammye had an abortion, as no one could really afford to take care of the child, or that they'd give the baby up for adoption._

_On the other hand, my husband Curt and I tried to find a way to keep the baby, but none of us was much better financially. Curt was a war veteran, retired for his mental health and with a bad pension, and my salary was quite humble, and I was already helping Mike, who wasn't paid much, and our daughter, who was studying. Therefore, we had to agree the baby had to be given up for adoption to a family that could afford it._

_Tammye and Mike were heartbroken. Tammye dropped out of her studies and got a job as a kindergarten teacher, and Mike got a second job fixing cars and bicycles to try and be able to live together, get a place to raise the child. However, Tammye developed health issues during the pregnancy, and she unexpectedly went into labour and birthed a baby girl on October 19_ _st_ _, a few weeks early._

_When the baby girl, being premature, needed to be kept in the NICU, Tammye's health was still going downhill, and further healthcare was needed for the both of them, and between all of us we were still struggling, we managed to convince them to give the baby for adoption so she could be with a family that would take care of her as she deserved, and be able to provide the right care for her. We believed in our hearts we'd be giving the child a good life._

_However, the adoption services took the baby abruptly, and we never knew about her again. We've been trying to find her – Mike and Tammye looked like crazy once she recovered. But no luck._

_Ashlyn, I saw your paintings, your photographs and... I think you might be that child._

_If you want to meet with me, my card is in the envelope, with my address on it._

_I might be wrong but... I don't think I am. In the envelope you'll find a picture of Mike and Tammye when they were about the age you now have. I think you look quite alike._

_Love,_

_Eunice._ '

Ali separated from the letter with wide eyes and Ashlyn handed her the picture. The happy couple was grinning at the camera, and the resemblance was striking. Mike had the same general face outline as Ashlyn, with the same one-sided dimple and the same nose, and his hair was dark brown, like Ashlyn's natural colour, coming out now that her hair was shorter. Tammye had Ashlyn's smile, ear lobes, hazel eyes, and prominent cheekbones, and her hair was wavy and beachy, like Ashlyn's, although hers was blonde.

“So?” Ashlyn inquired like an impatient child. “What's the verdict?”

“I think... I think we need to meet up with this woman. Now.”

“Now?”

“Well, do we really have anything better to do? Ashlyn, this could be your family. If it turns out you had a loving family who wanted you, who looked for you, who simply lost you in the same way you lost Teddy for a while, because of damn money... wouldn't you like to know?”

Ashlyn looked somewhat terrified.

“What if it's not them? Or what if they are but there's something bad about it? Ali, I cannot lose a family again...”

Understanding, the brunette reached out to hold her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Sweetie, big things require big risks, because the risks sometimes are so worth it. Trust me, you don't want to have this and don't meet Eunice. She's an art teacher, Ash... what if it goes in the family?”

The artist pursed her lips in thought and finally nodded.

“Fine. But I'm driving.”

. . .

Eunice and Curt Habovick lived in a humble yet beautiful, cosy house that looked quite old, in the suburbs of Satellite Beach. It was within walking distance from the beach, in a small narrow road with other humble houses, had a modest garden, and a small white church around the corner. A wreck of nerves, Ashlyn took several deep breaths before they left the car and walked to the main door, with Ali crutching behind.

Ashlyn's finger suspended in the air, it took a moment before she pressed the doorbell and after a moment more, they heard steps.

“One moment!” the door opened and they were face to face with an elderly woman, with short grey-white curly hair, brown eyes, a dimple, and a big smile. She had been doing gardening, and still had her gloves on and a muddy apron, all of which she was taking off while opening the door. “Oh, hi! You're Ashlyn! You got my letter! I'm Eunice.”

“Hi,” Ashlyn smiled nervously, not knowing what to say.

“I'm Ali,” the brunette offered a smile. “Her bestie. Can we talk?”

“Sure thing! Please come inside, it's so nice to have you here! I'll get you some biscuits, coffee?”

At last the two younger women sat in a vintage living room looking around while making themselves at home around a small, rectangular, brazier table with a glass surface and skirts, while Eunice got coffee and some snacks. Ali then saw in a nearby chest of drawers, several small framed pictures on top.

“Look,” Ali, whispered, taking one. “Isn't this you?” she handled the picture of a baby to Ashlyn.

“It cannot be,” Ashlyn replied, frowning at the sigh. That baby was just like her as a baby, or at least very alike.

“I see you found little Whitney,” Eunice arrive and smiled looking at them, holding a tray with cake and coffee she put on the table while the girls thanked her.

“Whitney?” Ali asked, returning the photo after Eunice sat with them.

“Yes, well, Mike and Tammye ended up breaking-up after the baby was taken.... both were too shaken. Suffering. And then Tammye went back and finished her studies, got a proper good job as an interior designer, well paid, and Mike became a civil servant and also started making a bit better money. Then they met again, they were both much better, reconnected... late in 1987 they had little Whitney, and this time, it was a baby they could keep. They bought a house, got married, Whitney was just a baby at the wedding... they were very happy. Kept trying to find the first baby but as I said in the letter, never good luck. The state claimed it had gone to a family and they weren't allowed to disclose details, Mike tried to find out more as a civil servant, but it was impossible. Eventually their therapists instructed them to try and move on, focus on the daughter they could have.”

“This first baby... what was her name?” Ashlyn asked, sipping the coffee, which tasted incredible.

“They didn't get to name her, but they planned on naming her Michelle, after me.”

“My name...” said Ashlyn. “My papers are very confusing, but the first name I have in the papers is Ashlyn Michelle Gallie. It's signed in late October 1985, by adoption services from this area. Many of my foster families were from the Space Coast, so I grew up around here... mostly in Satellite. My son and wife,” she added, more serious, “are buried here.”

Eunice looked sad and nodded.

“I do leave flowers in their graves often.”

“Do you?” Ashlyn and Ali both looked quite surprised.

“Well of course. I heard about them... it was a tragedy. And I knew Amanda.”

“What?” Ashlyn was more surprised by the minute.

“She was a nurse in the area and I'm an old woman, I was attended by her on occasion, she was by far the nicest, I was so heartbroken when I heard... back when she was pregnant she'd excitedly tell me all about it while getting my blood samples or whatever I needed. She told me she had a beautiful wife who was an artist, loved to gush about you, it was so obvious she was in love... her death was an absolute tragedy. Never saw you around much, you lived here?”

“I lived two blocks by, just by the sea, the house was demolished,” Ashlyn explained, suddenly excited, feeling this was going good. “But I worked from home or at the beach most of the time so... we mustn't have met.”

“Aw, what a pity,” Eunice sighed, but side smiled. “Whitney found you. She loves art, of course, takes it from her mother and myself. Mike was a very good doodler, but that was about it. Whitney and her husband were renovating her home, and she's a big soccer fan, follows the Pride team, so she heard about you and then was looking at her paintings and kept saying how incredible you were. She said your style reminded her of mine, I've got some art of my own,” she waved vaguely to the walls, and only then Ashlyn and Ali noticed landscapes with a level of detail and realism very similar to Ashlyn's. “Then she got me looking, and I was impressed. And then we saw a picture of you and... for a moment, Whitney thought you were her Mum. You look so much like them both, but those cheekbones are all like Tammye's. Of course it doesn't have to mean anything, but we had heard your story through the Pride and the website, the dates coincided, the resemblance was striking... we're just very desperate about finding out what happened to our girl. When you lose someone like that, without even getting a goodbye... you always wonder if they're okay. If you made all the right choices.” Ashlyn nodded slowly and Ali knew she was thinking of Teddy. “Sorry about your boy, by the way. Maybe it's not the best moment to talk about babies.”

“It's fine,” Ashlyn shrugged it off. “When you speak of Whitney's parents... where are they?” Eunice sighed deeply and they knew it wasn't good.

“They were very happy many years. Unfortunately just when Whitney was a teenager, Tammye got cancer. It runs in her side of the family. The first time she fought it and survived, but then she got it again and... she passed away on March 10th 2003\. She was nearly thirty-nine, so young... Mike became so depressed, they were so in love and depression runs in my husband's family. He got treated, but unfortunately once Whitney went off to University, he... he hung himself. That was on...” Eunice sighed deeply. “Jesus, nearly five years ago now. September 20th 2008\. He had only just turned forty-five.”

“Fuck... sorry,” Ali apologized. “It's just so sad.”

“Yeah... we're sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you honey,” Eunice smiled small. “But life goes on and we have to learn to keep smiling to it. I still have a daughter, my Tina, she has four healthy children all grown, doing well in life. And they're here frequently, and so is Whitney, who just got married last January. I helped a lot to raise her after her Mum passed and she's never forgotten, we're very close. She's a lawyer now, just got into a firm that's educating her more. And she does children's law, to ensure no more babies get taken like her big sister did.”

“What about your husband?” Ashlyn asked then.

“My poor Curt died too, a couple years ago. He developed some lung issues and it never really went away. Don't worry,” she added as the younger women were about to give condolences again, “it's okay. Death is part of life. We had some wonderful years together and now I have to keep thriving so I'm ready to join him when my time comes. I have a beautiful garden I love to look after, and I still paint, I volunteer at the kindergarten down the road sometimes to do some art classes for kids... keeps me active. And I've got quite the social life. No need to be sorry for me.”

“And you make fantastic cakes,” Ali added as a compliment, smiling as she pointed to her now empty plate. “Seriously jaw dropping.”

“Thanks sweetheart, you're so lovely,” Eunice beamed at her. “What happened to your knee?”

“Ah, minor accident, knee fracture,” Ali shrugged it off. “So you really think Ashlyn is... your granddaughter?”

Eunice looked over to Ashlyn and with a soft expression, nodded.

“You look so much like them, and you're so artistic too... but I don't want to give you false hopes. However... Whitney suggested doing a DNA test. If you're sisters, it should show. So she gave me this,” Eunice walked over to a drawer and pulled out a small envelope that she gave to Ashlyn. “It has some hair from her hairbrush, don't be horrified. She figured if you want to know, it should be up to you to find out. We only ask that if you decide to do it and it turns out it's not a match with your DNA, you tell us, so we don't get our hopes up. Although we do wish you find your family if you want to.”

“Thanks,” Ashlyn took it and, deciding to consider it later, shoved it in her pocket. “I know my family, my beautiful wife, my wonderful son... but they're all dead. And now... Eunice, I've spent my whole life thinking my birth family never wanted me. I don't know my actual birth day, just the month and year and my wife picked a random day for me. I don't know if I was born premature or when. I don't know anything about my biological family. I asked so many questions and never got answers, and it always seemed like there was some dirty business because my papers are so unclear, full of information holes... my wife was adopted. She went to three foster families before her adoptive family, a wonderful couple, took her, and when we met we compared papers and mine seem fake, hers actually look official and complete and full of information... she found out she came from a single mother who died giving birth, period. And I've learned to live with the lack of information, with no truth, accept the fact that maybe my parents didn't want to be found, but if there's the slightest chance that I did have a loving family that didn't want to give me up, but had no choice... I do admit it would feel pretty good right now.”

“Of course, it's understandable. I can't believe things were done so clumsily for you. It should've been better. The system should've been better. Can I ask... what happened to your son?”

Ashlyn nodded small.

“Sudden death. No idea.”

“He was sleeping, it was the middle of the night, we didn't realize,” Ali added, sadly. “We're housemates s—,”

“No,” Ashlyn interrupted her. “You're telling it wrong. She's telling the story wrong,” she added, looking at Eunice, who seemed amused. “She's got a phenomenal house, and I left my son with her mother months ago when I lost my resources. Ali here assumed the position of a foster mother with her, took care of my son, had a room for him at her house. So when she and her brother found me back in Christmas nearly dead from hypothermia in the streets, and they saved my life, Ali took me in her house, once discharged from hospital, so I could have my son back. We're not actually housemates, I'm just... you know, like the mosquito that won't leave. But she's happy with it because she fancies art, lucky me.” She added with a small chuckle to lighten the mood, playfully elbowing Ali, who snorted a laugh.

“And your back rubs. They're top class.”

They rejected a dinner offer to return home quickly and Ashlyn spent the night away staring at the envelope, considering what to do. But in the morning, she was off to get a DNA test. She had seen online somewhere where for a high price they would give her the results the next day, so she paid, gave them a blood sample of herself despite her hatred of needles, and returned home to focus on work and try to not think about it.

The next day she ran to the clinic to gather the results. It was an envelope and as she sat back in Ali's car with it, she took a deep breath and saw her hands were shaky. She couldn't open it.

  
  



	11. Time for knowledge

**Chapter 11: Time for knowledge.**

“Ashlyn...” Ali stared at the paper in her hands, that the artist had just brought running into her breakfast. “You share 54% of DNA with Whitney. You are full sisters.”

Ali looked up at Ashlyn and saw first shock and then, unexpectedly, anger.

“Do you know where can I get a Private Detective?”

“A Private Detective?”

“Ali... I need to know the truth. Enough is enough,” Ashlyn looked urgently at her. “The sadness from losing me and having me banish without ever knowing where I went or what happened followed my parents to the grave. And they loved me. And they did all they could afford to do to find me. I owe it to them, and to myself, to find the truth, make whoever has to pay, pay for it, and besides... cancer runs in one family, depression in another... I want to know myself like that too.”

“All right,” Ali nodded. “Hand me my phone. I can make a few calls, find someone for you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I've got contacts, I'll take care of everything. In the meantime, you should return to Satellite and talk to your family. Find out as much as you can. Besides, they will want to know all about you now,” Ali added with a small smile, sitting on her wheelchair with her leg propped up and her cereal bowl between her hands, in her pyjamas.

Ashlyn beamed excitedly at her, her anger dissipating.

“Thank you,” Ashlyn kissed her cheek and rushed to grab Ali's phone on the sofa, handing it to her. “I'll see you later. Take care of that leg.” She kissed her cheek again and pet Logan as she grabbed her coat.

“Go have fun!”

The drive to Satellite Beach seemed way shorter this time. Ashlyn was both excited and nervous, the DNA test results sitting on the copilot seat, music turned off as she wanted to be alone with her thoughts. She had been driving since her early twenties, when Amanda paid for her to get the license so she could drive around in the search for jobs, and still she hadn't had many chances to drive to her hometown, although this time she didn't get lost.

She arrived to Satellite Beach before it was even remotely close to lunch time, and exiting the car, she stopped and smiled to herself at the realization that this was, indeed, home. She had been born here, she had family here. She would've gone to the local school and high school, played in the beach with her little sister and cousins... life would've been incredible.

Ashlyn let herself walk around the streets mindlessly. She found herself in the cemetery, and sat to chat with Amanda and TJ for a while, managing not to cry too much for once and bringing flowers. Then she continued her stroll, getting to know her town better, until she found the place where her wife and hers own house had stood, and walked around it to the beach, which she had called her backyard, taking her shoes off to feel the sand and the water at the shore. She had asked Amy to marry her there. Standing looking into the ocean, she felt a breeze of wind and closed her eyes.

“You take care of our boy, baby. You were my first love, and I will always love you. Always,” she murmured under her breath, feeling the wind like a caress, messing her hair and bringing the smell of salt from the ocean into her nose. Then she opened her eyes to stare at the waves. The beach was empty now, being a school day. “Right, I have to go now. I'll find the rest of our family. And I'll live... for you. But without you.”

Eunice's house would've been one option, but at the last minute, Ashlyn decided the person she ought to find first was her sister. Whitney was a lawyer, so Ashlyn googled lawyers of Satellite Beach in her phone, and found the firm her sister was starting her professional career in. It took her a while to find the building down-town, but at last she made it.

She walked through a glass door into a grand hall and went straight to the receptionist.

“Hello,” Ashlyn smiled nervously. “I'm looking for my little sister. She works here, I believe.”

“Have you got an appointment?”

“Not really... it's a surprise. But maybe you could call her? Tell her I'm here? If she's busy I can wait for her here however long it takes...”

“All right, so what's her name?”

“Whitney uh... Habovick.”

“We don't have any Whitney Habovick here, sorry miss.”

Suddenly Ashlyn remembered Whitney was married. She must've lost her maiden surname recently, because in the website she was still written down as Whitney Habovick.

“Her name is as Whitney Habovick in your website,” Ashlyn explained. “I guess maybe she's changed her surname to her husband's recently... listen, I'll show you the picture I found in your website. I bet you've seen her, you probably know her...” Ashlyn searched in her phone for a moment and then handed it to the receptionist. The firm's website had a page with their lawyers' pictures and names, and Whitney was written down as junior attorney.

“Ah, Whitney, sure,” the receptionist smiled. “She did change her name, we should change it there... she's Engen now. How come you don't know?”

“We're kinda... stranded. I'm looking to fix that. Just call her, please, and tell her Ashlyn Harris is here looking for her. Please...”

The receptionist nodded and took the phone. After a moment, Ashlyn heard her talk to Whitney and then hang up.

“She's coming.”

The wait made Ashlyn very nervous, but at last Whitney appeared, looking smart in a black elegant jumpsuit without sleeves, and with high heels, and smiling warmly at Ashlyn, who smiled back at her nervously. She could see the resemblance. Whitney had a longer and narrower face than Ashlyn, with a longer nose, and didn't have dimples, but had small eyes the same brown colour as their father's, and a long dark blonde hair. Ashlyn could definitely see the shadow of their parents in her, as little as she had seen photographs of them.

“Hi there, what a surprise,” Whitney offered her hand and Ashlyn shook it. “Nana told me she spoke to you, can I help you with anything?”

“I actually just want to talk,” Ashlyn timidly showed her the envelope just enough for Whitney to see the logo from the laboratories. “Privately.”

Whitney glanced at the envelope and nodded, understanding.

“Sure. Come, we have a cafeteria. It's time I take you for a drink,” she half smiled at her and guided her to a nearly empty, elegant cafeteria with plant pots hung on the walls. “What would you like?”

“Uh... a beer is okay.”

“Good,” Whitney went to the bar to get two beers and they sat in a far corner table. They took a sip and Ashlyn passed her the envelope, watching intently Whitney's reaction as she read the results. Whitney then took a deep breath and nodded, smiling big at her. “So it's you. You're my big sister.”

“Your in training big sister. I have hardly any idea about how to be a sibling,” Ashlyn joked with half a smile, making her giggle.

“Nana is going to love this, does she know already?”

“No. I was going to her house but then... I realized you should know first. You're the one that found me, so... thank you, Whit. I'm not going to ask for anything, don't worry, I know the fact that we're family doesn't change the fact that we grew in separate ways, our families went different ways and I'm not going to take advantage now asking for money or for anything. I just want the truth. My friend Ali is in our shared house now finding a private detective who can tell us what happened to me and why Tam— Mum,” Ashlyn corrected herself, making Whitney smile small, “lost me so roughly. The only thing I want from you guys is information, Whitney, that's all, I promise. I don't know anything about the family medical history save from the little bits Nana told me, I hardly know stuff from our family, I never met Mum and Dad... I've got so many questions like... I don't know like, when did you even change your name? or... what's your favourite food? I mean you're my sister, right? I don't really have family left alive so... I'd like to know you.”

Whitney grinned and stretched a hand over the table to hold her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I know you've gone through a hell of a lot and I promise we will talk, I'll tell you everything I can,” said Whitney, with warm brown eyes fixed on hers. “We'll find the truth. But in the meantime...” she shrugged. “I love cod. What about you?”

Ashlyn chuckled.

“Mac n'cheese. God it's so good!”

“Mac n'cheese? Oh my god you have to try Nana's! She makes the best mac n'cheese in town, listen...”

For half an hour, they talked enthusiastically, but then Whitney had to go back to work, so they agreed Whitney and Eunice would come to Orlando for dinner, so they could meet in family and Ashlyn could show them some of her pieces. Besides, Ashlyn had explained how she didn't want to leave Ali alone for a long time with her leg hurt, so it worked best that way.

And so Ashlyn returned to Orlando, where unexpectedly, she found Ali crying sitting on the sofa, with Logan pouting nearby. Fearful, Ashlyn rushed to the woman and sat next to her, quickly wrapping her arms around her.

“What's wrong? Ali... talk to me...”

“TJ,” Ali gasped, sniffling and showing her what she was holding. It was one of TJ's little shoes. “Logan found it somewhere.” Ashlyn sighed deeply and took the small shoe, wrapping a strong arm around Ali and squeezing her gently.

“It's okay. Teddy's in a good place now. He has his Mum, and he's safe, he's fine.” Ashlyn tried to console her, kissing her temple.

“You sure?” Ali sighed deeply, leaning against her.

“All I'm sure of Ali, is that death means eternal rest. Whatever happens,” said Ashlyn full of tenderness, “it can't be painful or horrible.”

“Yeah...” Ali sniffled once more and rubbed her face. “I'm sorry... how did it go?”

“Don't apologize for this, it's fine,” Ashlyn kissed her cheek gently. “How are you feeling?”

“I'm...” sitting up, Ali turned to face Ashlyn and smiled, nodding and cleaning the tears off her cheeks. “I'll be fine. How are you? How did it go?” she insisted.

“It was fun,” Ashlyn took her hand between hers. “I found Whitney, she's great! She seems a bit uptight being an attorney, but we talked for half an hour before she had to return to work, and it was so much fun. We laughed, we bonded... I invited her and Nana for dinner, if that's okay. And with Nana, I mean Eunice. I'll cook.”

“Of course,” Ali grinned, happy for her. “God Ash that's so great! I'm so happy for you, come here...” she hugged her tightly. “Everything is going to go better from now on.”

“I truly think so,” Ashlyn hugged her back. “How about you? How did it go with the detective?”

“It went good. I hired someone, they're already on it. I gave them your phone for updates.”

“Fantastic. God, Ali!” Ashlyn squeaked, making her laugh. “It's time to be happy now, okay? Live the present.”

“Damn right. Come on, go cook me some lunch, I'm starved.”

“Yes ma'am...”

Ashlyn laughed as Ali teasingly slapped her ass when she got up, and went to cook.

They spent the day calmly chilling out, and later when Ashlyn was busy cooking dinner, her phone rang and she attended it to find out the detective already had one update.

“Hello Mrs Harris, it's Mr Martin McColls, I've got an update on your case,” the manly voice said.

“Wonderful, thank you. What is it?” Ashlyn turned the stove off just in case.

“I've got some files I sent you on an email. To summarize for you here, they basically say you were born in October 19st 1985, at 7.20 PM, daughter of Michael Christopher Habovick and Tammye Eleanor Smith, who would later become Habovick upon marriage. The hospital where you were born it's called 'Space Coast Memorial Hospital', and when I inquired with Social Services to find out about the adoption process, they weren't willing to talk, or at least talk much, and the information seems very confusing, so I'm still making enquiries there. But for what I've been able to figure out, it appears that your parents signed the papers to social services, naming you Michelle Habovick with full knowing that you'd be registered officially with a different name selected by social services, and that such first name was only used informally to refer to you between social services and your parents through the giving you for adoption process, but not registered anywhere officially.”

“So it was like a label, so everyone knew what 'the baby' meant.”

“Exactly. Social Services then sent an unknown third party, that I'm yet to track down, to pick you up and take you straight to a foster family, renaming you Ashlyn Michelle Gallie in the process, and in the papers. I couldn't find exactly how the process would be in the 80s, but nowadays your adoption process would be considered as fully irregular. Your parents should've contacted social services months before your birth, and they would've put your parents in contact with an adoption adviser to find an adoption agency that fit their needs. Then the agency would've provided insurance, full papers, everything to your parents, including a care plan for the labour and your parents would've had to choose open, closed or semi-open adoption. It would've been a long, complex procedure that would leave everything quite tied-up properly. Your parents would even have a right to choose which family got you.”

“That sounds more like what I've heard from other adopted people,” Ashlyn said thinking of her wife's story, that closely resembled that. “So what happened instead?”

“I'm still trying to figure it out, but so far I've noticed your parents contacted social services, who never contacted an adoption agency. Winston Erikson, who was the director of the social services office they contacted, however, received a suspicious amount of money the day after you were given up. I'm trying to find your first foster family, do you remember anything about them?”

“No, they only kept me a year.”

“I'll keep researching. I suspect they contacted an adoption agency saying they wanted a baby girl, and that maybe someone in the agency plotted with Erikson, and possibly someone in the hospital, to irregularly get a baby for a fortune, without having the lengthy process or anything. There are many cases worldwide of stolen babies, you could easily be one. I can tell you for sure your parents never had a choice, barely filled out any paperwork. Whoever took you, took you from the hospital without your parents knowing until later, or even seeing you. The fact that you retained the name Michelle, though, strikes me weird.”

“Yeah, it's odd... well, good job Martin, thank you.”

“You're welcome. Check your emails regularly, I'll be sending one daily, more if I get more info.”

“Thanks, I will. Have a good day.”

“You too, bye.”

Ashlyn hung up and stared with a thoughtful frown at the half cooked food on the stove. She had been making lasagne and now she was becoming angry. What had they done to her mother?

“What's wrong?” Ali appeared in her crutches, a thin layer of sweat on her forehead from the effort of moving with them. She had been setting the table.

“I was stolen from my parents. They skipped the entire adoption process, my adoption wasn't legitimate,” said Ashlyn. “Martin called.”

“Oh...” Ali had hired a former military policeman, who was very good, so she knew his name. “Shit, that bad uh?”

“I should check my emails, it's all there. Martin is still researching, but he's found out that much. No wonders my parents needed therapy to move on even two years later when Whitney was born, they must've been traumatized. I cannot imagine their pain.”

“Fuck... I'm so sorry Ashlyn.”

“Well at least now we know they loved me. The system just screwed us all.”

“Yeah...” Ali crutched to her and balancing on one leg, hugged her with one arm. “I wish they were alive to see you're back.”

“Maybe it's better they're dead,” murmured Ashlyn. “Imagine how they'd feel knowing they moved on without me, while my life was hell. At least this way, maybe with therapy they managed to believe I was happy and well, and it gave them some calm of mind.”

“Yeah...” Ali sighed, kissing her cheek. “Do you want to cancel tonight or...?”

“It's okay. Everything is done I just have to put the lasagne together and fit it in the oven. The oven is heating, the cheese is grated, sauce, pasta and filling made... I just have to put it together.”

“Okay, I'll do it, you check that email.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah. Go Ash, go!”

Ashlyn thanked her with a dimpled grin of those that made Ali blush, and rushed upstairs to get her laptop. It took her a while to read all the information but it was basically what Martin had told her on the phone. That said, she got excited when she saw her birth certificate for the first time, with her parents' signatures on it. The name listed was just Baby Habovick because it was temporary, but still, it meant a lot.

She heard the doorbell then, and had just enough time to change into a dress shirt and make sure she had no cooking or painting stains anywhere before she ran downstairs. Ashlyn immediately heard laughter down the stairs and distinguished Ali's voice proudly rambling about Ashlyn's skills as she likely was showing some of the many art pieces Ashlyn had filled the house with over the last few months. It wasn't just paintings; Ashlyn did some sculpturing too, with clay, and had an art book full of incredible black and white hyper realistic portraits made with pencil or charcoals.

“She's already boring you with the bragging?” Ashlyn joked as she caught them in the living room entrance downstairs. Ali needed both hands on her crutches, but Eunice was holding the art book with the portraits and looking impressed staring at it with Whitney, who also had left a huge box on the floor in front of her feet. Both had their coats off now.

“Are you kidding? We're picking our jaws up the floor,” Whitney grinned seeing her, and hugged her.

“These are so beautiful sweetie, I've never had this much talent,” Eunice complimented.

“Oh, you flatter me Nana,” both smiled at the nickname. “However we both know that's not true. So, can I offer you some drinks while the lasagne cooks in the oven?”

“Uh, lasagne!” Whitney seemed excited. “I'll have some wine if you have.”

“I've got plenty, come, you can choose yourself and we'll open a bottle,” Ali guided her away to the wines.

“Nana?” Ashlyn asked Eunice, who smiled warmly.

“I'll join them with the wine, whatever Whitney picks will be good. What are you having?”

“I think I may go for whiskey, with such an special occasion,” Ashlyn stepped forward and gently passed the pages of the book until she reached a beautiful portrait of a baby with only two teeth. “This is your late great-grandson. Teddy.”

Eunice looked at it and smiled sadly, caressing his face.

“He was so handsome.”

“He was,” Ashlyn nodded. “Nana... do tragedy and sadness just run in our family? Do they ever go away?”

Eunice looked curiously at her, suddenly serious in deep thought, and then nodded.

“Honey our family has suffered so much pain... your Dad was an addict when he was a teenager, your cousins David and Casey too, and there have been funerals and economical struggles, we all come from houses way humbler and lower class than this one... we all have usually just been really humble, middle-low class, and always kind, always good at heart. And that's all the good we have. We have the most wonderful love stories, we love each other so much, we take care of each other, we're a tribe and we lift each other up and no one's ever left behind. We always have each other, regardless... and we tend to have good friends too. So we're very lucky in other ways, you see?” the older woman affectionately squeezed Ashlyn's cheek. “Look at how lucky you are. Ali, who has loads of money and fame, puts it all in hold for you and your boy, when she had no reason to do so. And she gives you her house to call yours, and fills it with your art and you should've seen how her eyes shine when she points out how wonderful your art is. That woman adores you and friends like that? They are extremely hard to find. We must hold onto the good stuff we get.”

“I know, it's just... sometimes I feel really alone, and I wonder if it'll ever go away,” Ashlyn confessed shyly.

“It will, because you are so loved. Maybe you just need to think that a lot about what you feel is not really there.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when babies and children grow up neglected, or from family to family, things like that... it does something to your brain. It's like PTSD. It makes you feel things you no longer have a reason to feel, just because you felt them for so long.”

“But it's not real anymore.”

“Exactly.”

Ashlyn looked surprised and satisfied as she reached the realization.

“I see why you're a teacher.”

Eunice laughed and patted her back.

“Let's go inside before the ladies drink all the wine.”

  
  



	12. I see you

**Chapter 12: I see you.**

The four women laughed hard in front of the confused dog Logan as Whitney shared funny anecdotes from her husband or her work, doing the best imitations of judges and maniac clients and amusing them all. Ali told them about her professional life a little bit as well, because Whitney and Eunice turned out to be big fans of the Orlando Pride and went to most their games, so conversation was kept mostly light and fun at least for the first half of the dinner. Ashlyn and Whitney returned the empty lasagne plates to the kitchen and brought to the table dessert, which was some Belgian chocolate mousse Ali had bought the day before, along with more alcohol.

“So,” said Ashlyn at last, after she took a sip from her whiskey on the rocks, “Ali found a private detective who's now investigating whatever happened but so far, he's confirmed my adoption was irregular, there was nothing legal about it so technically, I wasn't given up for adoption, I was stolen, very likely sold for a high amount of money. Mum and Dad probably never knew, or found out years later, too late.”

“Right so if you weren't up for adoption... what happened to you?” inquired Whitney, with her lawyer-y need to find the truth.

“I don't really remember, but according to Martin, the detective, hours after being born I was taken to a foster family, presumably they weren't even accredited foster parents if everything was under the rocks... Martin is trying to find them, but since everything was illegal, no one is that willing to talk,” replied Ashlyn. “I was with them for a year or so, in Miami, before spending six months with a different foster family in Bay, North Florida, then ten months in St. Petersburg near Tampa, then a year and a half with a different family in Boston, by then I was nearly four...” Ashlyn tried to remember what she had read. “Then two years in New York City, and finally back in Satellite Beach, which is as early as I have any memories at all. I was then formally adopted and I lived with the Attenborough family for six years before they ended up giving me back to the system because we didn't really get along, and then I had about five or six families around Florida, and I ran out by the time I was sixteen and back in Satellite Beach.”

“You lived in the streets then?” Whitney asked with a frown.

“Yeah, I had some friends, had spent enough years there over the years,” replied Ashlyn in the same normal tone one would use for discussing the weather, and that always gave Ali chills. “I actually got into soccer then, I had played irregularly in clubs sometimes because some of my foster siblings over the years were in soccer clubs and their parents would find it easier for schedule to put all of us in, but once I was on my own I focused and I was a very good goalkeeper. Played in the National Team U-19 then. Won a World Cup.”

“That's my girl!” Eunice grinned, patting her back proudly. “Your father tried to become a footballer for American Footballer, but he lacked the discipline.”

“Yeah that sounds like Dad,” Whitney admitted with a half smile, and Ashlyn snorted a laugh.

“Well then I definitely didn't get mine after him. I got a scholarship to go to University in North Carolina, to study arts while playing soccer. And I made money after class by selling sketches and portraits in the streets. Then I got addicted to Adderall, and I was maybe, dunno, eighteen or so, it started to affect my body and make my bones fragile, and playing as a goalkeeper... ended up getting injuries very easily, by the time I graduated it was so bad I was losing soccer and money and stuff, surgery after surgery. So I couldn't go pro, all I had was art, and so I tried that out, but artists don't normally get paid shit.”

“One of the most ridiculous things of society,” Eunice lamented giving her wine a gulp, and Whitney and Ali nodded in agreement. “So what did you do?”

“Well uhm... attempted suicide,” Ashlyn said, avoiding looking at her relatives while doing so, just in case they made any faces. “Best thing I ever did, in retrospect. Brought me to the same hospital my wife was a nurse in, and we met, fell in love, were living together within a week later.” She added a tad too smug, making Whitney playfully kick her under the table.

“Look at the smug brat!” Whitney joked giggling.

“Ah, family love stories, what did I say? Always very film like,” Eunice commented enamoured.

“Ours definitely was,” Ashlyn remembered lovingly. It was still a bit painful to think of Amanda, but she managed to find happiness within a bit easier each time. “We were together five incredible years, first lived in this cheap flat of hers in Orlando, then one in Miami because she got transferred to another hospital, and then we bought our dream house in Satellite Beach, now demolished, and married and all of that. It was pretty nice, really. She worked most of the days and I tried my fair share, trying to push forward an art freelance business that never really sailed. Then a year and a half ago, Amanda, my wife, was raped so badly she almost died, and afterwards she kept having health issues the doctors couldn't quite decipher, and she was getting a lot of inside infections, and then they realized she was pregnant, and we had talked about having a child so... while for me and many women going ahead with a labour of a child conceived with rape would be unthinkable, for her it felt like something that empowered her, getting to raise a little boy and make him a good man despite the rapists' ugly DNA. And we had Teddy, but Amanda's health was still really bad, and so about a month and a half after he was born, she got sepsis and died. And she was our main provider so after that... I couldn't possibly provide for Teddy, we sunk, and the rest you know, it's in the website. The Kriegers got me to here.”

“Well technically you got yourself, you found Mum, otherwise nothing would've happened,” Ali pointed out, giving her credit.

“But you don't have a wedding ring,” Whitney pointed out, looking at Ashlyn's fingers stretched around the round whiskey glass.

“My ring was my wife treating me and spending far more money than she should've. It had white gold and some stones, so logically, it was worth enough to buy formula for my son for several weeks,” Ashlyn explained sadly. “I sold everything, Amanda's things, even my socks.”

“My poor sweetheart,” Eunice squeezed her hand over the table. “We'll recover your stuff.” Ashlyn half smiled sadly.

“I had to sell them in the black market for more money, so I doubt it,” Ashlyn shrugged it off. “It's fine, it's just things. So now tell me about you, you got married recently, right Whitney? How's the guy?”

Whitney chuckled, looking whipped right away.

“Oh he must be good!” Ali teased with a giggle, seeing her face.

“Yes,” Whitney snorted a laugh. “He's wonderful, and so handsome, look...” she pulled out her phone to show them a picture.

Ali automatically whistled in admiration. The guy was tall, fit, with a broad back and a soldier-like brick face, with tender eyes and a nice smile.

“Sexy!”

“Lemme check...” Ashlyn took the phone next. “Uhh! Even as a lesbian I have to say you've got good taste sis.”

“Thank you! We met years ago in uni, he's not a lawyer though, he's a legal adviser for a high tech company. We've been together five years now.”

“Aw, university sweetheart. I had good sex in uni,” Ashlyn said thoughtlessly, making them laugh. Ali blushed hard as she saw Eunice there and Whitney scandalized while laughing.

“Ash, not in front of Nana!”

“It's okay, no, I'm cool! I can tell you about your grandfath—,”

“No!” both granddaughters begged while Ali erupted in laughter.

“Anyway,” Whitney whipped the tears of laughter. “How was Amanda?”

“Oh, absolutely stunning,” commented Ali while Ashlyn took her phone and nodded in agreement as she searched for the photograph she had taken of the framed one of their wedding in the baby room.

“I lost almost all pictures when I sold my phone and laptop, but here's our wedding,” Ashlyn showed them, and Eunice and Whitney both grinned with a hint of sadness.

“She was truly beautiful. You guys look so happy,” Eunice commented.

“Happiest day of my life for sure,” Ashlyn agreed with a small smile. “She was so bloody stunning I cried when I first saw her. Couldn't believe I was such a lucky bastard!”

They laughed at that and returned the phone.

“Which reminds me we forgot about our present! One moment,” Whitney quickly got up and returned to the corridor, coming back again with the box she had brought and putting it on Ashlyn's lap. “This is for you.”

“What is it?”

“I have a load of stuff from Mum and Dad, and you don't have anything, so...” Whitney shrugged shyly. Ashlyn couldn't believe it, and looked sweetly at her little sister.

“You're giving me your things from Mum and Dad? Thank you Whit! This is amazing!”

“Only some, and I've had them for years, I don't need them,” said Whitney. “Besides, they're your parents too. And I also added some baby things that Mum knitted for you when she was still insisting on keeping you. Of course you can't use them anymore, but in case you have any more babies ever... or just as a memento.”

Ashlyn was now very excited to see what it was, so she opened the box and found a photo album of her parents. It was dated 1985, and in it her mother was beautifully pregnant with her, and both of them looked so happy and excited, often posing kissing the belly. Ashlyn felt both full of sadness and happiness, knowing how loved she was.

“They were so young,” commented Ashlyn. “And so happy to have me.”

“They were,” Eunice nodded sadly. “Your parents were the dreamer kind, they wanted to believe the world was beauty and art... and it wasn't always like that.”

“Dad was a great surfer too,” Whitney added. “But he wasn't very artistic. Funny, though, despite the way he died.” Ashlyn noticed her eyes became full of sadness, and she extended a hand to her sister.

“It wasn't your fault he killed himself. He was sick in the head.”

“I know...” she didn't sound so convincing.

“No, you don't. Trust me, Whit, I've been there. Depression is cancer in the mind. Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do, it turns your thoughts, your personality, your memories, everything in your brain, against you,” Ashlyn felt obliged to explain, to bring her some understanding. “To the point that you can no longer trust anything that crosses your mind. It makes your body kill it's natural sense of self-preservation, and attack itself. It's not as easy as just killing yourself... first you've gotten so ill, your body no longer fights death. You lose a part of humanity. Dad would've killed himself sooner or later, no matter what you did... he was already dead, at least in the brain. He was too far gone.”

“Yet you didn't try again...”

“Because I fell in love,” said Ashlyn. “I don't even know how. I could hardly think, but somehow... it happened, and love healed it all. But I was on therapy and medication right after I tried to kill myself, and Amanda made sure I continued to be, until I was alone and couldn't afford it anymore. And now I am again, and yet it doesn't work for everyone. There are not two cases the same, and now that I've gone through what Dad went through, losing the love of your life... the only reason I didn't kill myself was because I had a newborn who needed me, and I had sworn to protect him. And I was younger than Dad, he probably had no strength left to fight. I did.”

Whitney let the topic go and Ashlyn focused back in the box, pulling out cute little knitted mittens and hats, little coats, all the stuff Tammye had made for her. She felt somewhat emotional, but did her best to remind herself to just be happy it happened.

The family left shortly after, because the ride back was long. But before, Whitney and Ashlyn went outside to the backyard for a little while, chatting while waiting for Logan to finish her needs in the garden before returning inside.

“Would you do it again?” Whitney asked suddenly. “Now that you don't have Teddy or Amy. Would you kill yourself?”

Ashlyn pursed her lips in thought for a moment before answering.

“No.”

“What's changed?”

The older woman then turned to see Ali laughing in the kitchen with Eunice, through the window, and smiled small, looking back at Whitney.

“You see Ali?”

“Hmm?”

“She looks all put together, confident, tough, brave...” said Ashlyn. “But deep inside, people who make it their life goals to rescue others, are very lonely people longing for something else. She longs for a family, and she's made me her family. If something happens to me...” she sighed, shaking her head. “She'll be alone. She'll have her family, sure, but she'll be alone. And nothing scares her more.”

“But you said depression is like cancer, which means you can't easily control... how can Ali be all you need to keep yourself alive?” Whitney tried to understand.

“She's not,” Ashlyn replied. “I am. I've healed enough to become stronger in my mind, Whit, enough to choose to live... I couldn't do this if I was sicker. But since I can, I choose to live, and I choose to use Ali to... to give me a reason to stay. That's how we work. We push each other ahead, we care for each other, we keep each other going no matter what. We're a team. And I have to survive because otherwise the team crumbles. Teddy didn't survive. I need to. I cannot be Dad.”

Whitney then nodded slowly, understanding and thoughtful. She had always felt the guilt for her father's death, and for once, it seemed to dissipate a little.

“We could be a family, if you want,” commented Whitney, looking at the stars. “I know it's weird, that we're basically strangers, but... I feel like I've lived with your ghost my whole life. I've always heard about you. Our family kept you alive. And now that you're here, I feel like you should take back your rightful position in our family.”

“I'd like that,” Ashlyn agreed with a nod, putting a hand on Whitney's back. “Yet I think that we should take things slow. I can only imagine what it must've been like for you, to grow up hearing about this other sister... as if you were just a consolation price and not who they really wanted.”

“How do you know that?”

Ashlyn shrugged.

“I grew up as the foster sister. I was in many families for whom I was a consolation price after a pregnancy gone wrong or a dead child or something like that... I know the feeling. And I don't want you to be misplaced from your own family now. I want you to know that I'll try my best to figure out this big sister role and... I'm here for you. Anything you need.”

Whitney grinned, hugging her while carefully balancing her glass in one hand.

“You too. Just call, okay?”

“I will,” Ashlyn hugged her back tightly. “Hey,” she added when they separated, “sorry I haven't been there when you needed a big sis. Sometimes it takes me a while to find my way home.”

Whitney's grin only grew, and she shook her head.

“You should know little sisters are protective too. From now on, no one's messing with you again.”

“Oh that's right, my sis is a lawyer...” Whitney giggled, hugging her again.

“Mum and Dad would be so proud of you. Just promise not to go anywhere again, uh?”

“I promise. You've got me this time.”

They squeezed each other tight one last time and finally separated and returned inside, knowing that this time goodbye would just be see you later.

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: The fog has lifted.**

The following days were full of family meetings. Ashlyn got to hang out with all of her family, to find out who she liked more or less, play with her nephews and nieces from her cousins, and meanwhile Detective McColls found out his first family, and gathered enough evidence that they had knowingly bribed an adoption agency's director to give them a child skipping the whole procedure and paperwork, so that Ashlyn could sue them for abduction and have the case be investigated by the police.

The case brought a new set of unwanted attention into Ashlyn's life. It wasn't every day that Orlando had one of its citizens claim that she was a stolen baby and demand an investigation and legal action, and even less a prominent citizen, as Ashlyn had become when, through Ali and Ali's famous friends, became sorta famous with her story and her art. The same fame that had given her so much work and kept her afloat now threatened her privacy, and she found herself spending more and more time in the beach in Satellite, surfing with her new found family and running away from the paparazzi.

This forced Teddy's birthday to be spent extra quietly, with a family visit to the cemetery with the Kriegers, who had wanted to meet Ashlyn's biological family. So they had a nice, quiet day, and then Ashlyn was back in Orlando to hear what her first foster family had to say. They were an old couple now, and claimed not to remember the details and that they had gone to the agency and had followed the normal indications, but police and McColls' evidence showed they had paid two hundred thousand dollars to Jennifer Altman-Jones, the director of the adoption agency they had gone to, under the table, to give them a baby, and that then Jennifer Altman-Jones had contacted ex-husband Winston Erikson, head of the social services office Ashlyn's family had gone to, offering him half the money to provide the baby for them.

“They want to sign a settlement, to avoid prison,” Ashlyn explained to Ali in late April, coming home from a meeting with her lawyer while Ali was doing rehabilitation knee exercises in the living room. She was walking again now, and doing gentle jogging, but it still bothered her a little. “They're offering me a ton of money, Ali. I don't know what to do.”

“You do know. Why did you sue them, Ash? Why did you start all of this?”

“Because I wanted the truth. I wanted someone to pay, justice.”

“Exactly, for your family,” Ali's tiger brown eyes fixed on Ashlyn's. “You know what to do.”

“I can't accept the money. All of them need to pay with the full weight of the law.”

Ali looked affectionately at her and nodded, squeezing her thigh as they sat together on the sofa.

“You have to put a family in court for bribing an adoption agency and accepting a baby they knew was kidnapped, thus participating in kidnapping in some way. You have to put a woman in court for accepting bribery and continuing it, for participating in kidnapping of a baby, and for subsequently falsifying all the necessary documentation so every family that had you afterwards wouldn't suspect you were abducted, wouldn't make questions, and wouldn't have legal issues. And you had to put a man in court for accepting bribery and subsequently misleading and deceiving your parents, never giving them a chance to even kiss you goodbye. If that doesn't make your blood boil enough to go ahead with a long, mentally and emotionally draining judicial procedure... I don't know what will.”

Ashlyn listened attentively and nodded, her words a reminder of the anger her own story often made her feel.

“It's just so draining sometimes...”

“I know,” Ali squeezed her hand. “It'll be okay. They wouldn't be offering such a big settlement if you weren't winning.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” Ashlyn half smiled at her. “So how's your rehabilitation?”

“It's okay,” Ali sighed, flexing her knee. “It just bothers me a little.”

“It'll recover. You have tough knees.” The brunette snorted a laugh at that comment, and Ashlyn elbowed her playfully. “I'm getting a few tattoos today. Want to come? It'll be a few hours but... you can go when you're tired.”

“Ugh, shit, I'd love to but I've got the afternoon packed, training with the team, gym... trying to get myself back in the game. But I can see you afterwards.”

Ashlyn grinned.

“Deal. You'll be the first to see them.”

It took all afternoon and part of the evening, so that when Ashlyn finally came home Ali was cooking dinner and bursting with excitement. She had no patience left, knowing Ashlyn always designed her own tattoos and therefore they'd be amazing.

“So? Show me!” Ali said automatically, turning the stove off when Ashlyn came into the kitchen.

“Hello to you too,” Ashlyn gave her an amused dimpled smile, and Ali rolled eyes. “I have to take my shirt off.”

“Right.”

Ashlyn took off her t-shirt and Ali subconsciously gulped, seeing how sculpted Ashlyn's body was through healthy diet and loads of exercise. She had abs and strong, fit arms, and for some reason Ali found herself blushing like crazy.

“There you go,” said Ashlyn, oblivious to what her nakedness was doing to Ali, raising her left arm for Ali to see her left side was now covered in colourful tattoos, with a protective plastic film, and underneath her left breast Ali could now read in very small letters almost mixing with her side tattoo, 'T & A' and below 'Always.' in black Courier New typing.

But what really dropped Ali's jaw was her entirely covered side. It was the only colourful tattoo Ashlyn had, and it was bright all new. There was a bird, flowers, butterflies, an ocean wave, a palm tree, a little baby hand, and a tree with names very tiny inside. It was all a complex, intricate mix of pictures, like a collage, forming a big, beautiful one.

“Will you explain me this one?”

“One day Ali,” Ashlyn chuckled. “I'll explain you each and every one. Pinky promise.”

Ali chuckled smugly.

“Well they're beautiful Ash. I was also thinking of getting a tattoo for a while actually, do you know any good places in the city?”

For all Ashlyn knew, Ali only had one tattoo, the German word 'Liebe' on her left forearm, after she had spent a few years playing football in Frankfurt, and fell in love with Germany.

“I can recommend you my guy. He's done all my tattoos.”

“Cool,” Ali nodded. “Now come help me cook.”

Ashlyn was comfortable with Ali. As a matter of fact she was so comfortable to not get her t-shirt back on, because it was a hot day, to walk around cooking with Ali as if they had done it for years, and close enough to the woman by then that her family often inquired on whether they were more than friends. But she wasn't ready for that yet. She loved her wife, and couldn't imagine being with anyone but her and besides, Ali was straight.

But every week, the line between friendship and something else seemed to become blurrier and blurrier. Ali started to often fall asleep in Ashlyn's bed with her, as they stayed up late discussing Ashlyn's case and reading the documents or rehearsing what Ashlyn would tell the jury, then Ashlyn was so affectionate with Ali, and often invited her to her family Sunday lunches in Satellite Beach, and at last, when June 1st came and with it Amanda's first death anniversary, coinciding with a day Ashlyn had to testify in court, the line seemed particularly hard to find.

It had gone well in court, and yet Ashlyn was completely crestfallen when she returned home, and she went straight to bed. Ali tried to give her space, talking with her brother on the phone, going on dog walks... but eventually it was late, and she was afraid Ashlyn might be having dark thoughts.

“Ash? Can I come in? I've got something to cheer you up,” Ali said through Ashlyn's closed door, holding a small box in her hand.

“Sure.”

Ali opened the door to find Ashlyn lying on her bed, snuggled in a ball in her pyjamas, with soft music playing.

“You look cosy.”

“Hold me?”

The brunette could never resist Ashlyn's pout, and climbed on the bed behind her, spooning her gently and putting the tiny box in front of Ashlyn's face as she did so.

“I believe this is yours.”

“Mine?” Ashlyn opened and was surprised, and then so astonished she sat up, to find the wedding ring Amanda had placed in her finger years before. “Ali... is it my ring really? Is this the one?” but she knew it was. She could read Amanda's name in the inside, along with the date of their wedding. “How did you... how?”

“Took me a while but Martin has been helping. He tracked the buyer and went demanding to have it as police evidence, pretending to be a cop. I gave him a good tip.”

“You've been trying to find my ring all this time?”

“That's why I knew Martin. It's why I originally found him, to help me... he finally gave it to me this morning while you were in court.”

Ashlyn had tears in her eyes and pulled Ali into a tight hug, still in disbelief.

“Thank you thank you... I can't tell you how much this means to me.”

“I tried to find the rest of your stuff, but it was far gone,” Ali murmured into her neck, hugging her back.

“It doesn't matter. Things are just things, this one was the important one.”

“Which reminds me...” Ali separated and smiled warmly. “I didn't show you my new tat. Your guy did it.”

“You already went?”

“I wanted to surprise you!” Ali lifted the side of her t-shirt and revealed a quote tattooed on her left side. Ashlyn tried to read it, but it was in German and she adorably looked like a confused puppy, so Ali chuckled and translated. “One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”

“Very deep,” Ashlyn smirked. “My mate did a good job there.”

“He did. It's a quote from 'The Little Prince', you know?”

“Why did you get it in German?”

Ali shrugged.

“It seemed more poetic. I got it thinking of Teddy and you.”

The younger woman's hazel eyes opened wide in surprise, and she grinned, touched.

“Ali, that's so sweet of you... why did we make you think...?” she gestured to the tattoo.

“Oh,” Ali pulled her t-shirt back down. “Well a lot of people would've looked at you two and seen a problem, an inconvenience, two dirty homeless people who need desperate help. But thing is if they looked with the heart... they wouldn't see any of that. I didn't see any of that.”

“That's really beautiful,” Ashlyn hugged her again. “You're the sweetest. Teddy and I have been so lucky with you.”

Ali felt on flames between her arms and hugged her back before blushing and separating.

“Anyway I should go shower before bedtime, if you can watch dinner...”

“I'll finish it up,” Ashlyn got up from the bed after her, following her out of the room. As Ali turned towards the bathroom, Ashlyn stopped to stare at her back and grinned, feeling that Ali was really one of a kind.

  
  



	14. I see you with my whole heart

**Chapter 14: I see you with my whole heart.**

Ali finally returned to the NWSL in June, and Ashlyn cheered from the stands with her whole being, by the side of her sister, brother-in-law, Kyle, and Debbie. It was Ali's grand return and nobody was willing to miss it. And when Ali had the chance of kicking a penalty and scored, which was so odd for a defender, the entire Exploria Stadium roared in enthusiasm.

“That's my girl!” Ashlyn applauded enthusiastically, wearing Ali's jersey. Sometimes watching soccer made her nostalgic because she couldn't play, or because Amy and TJ weren't there with her to watch, but watching Ali more than the game in itself always brought a different type of joy, for some reason. “Did you see that? She scored with the tip of her toe! She's so good you guys, so good!”

Debbie laughed loving her enthusiasm and support, and it was still nothing compared to all that came after the game, when they met with a freshly showered Ali for celebratory games, as they had won the game.

“...and in the thirteenth minute when you stole that ball so elegantly Ali, that girl didn't know what was coming for her, did you guys see how Ali raced? Fucking tiger running out there! I honestly feel bad for the Dash, they were so unprepared for this beast...” Ashlyn kept going on and on, making them laugh and getting Ali to blush time after time. “And your face when you scored! You couldn't even believe it!” Ashlyn laughed, joyful.

“Of course I couldn't! I've barely scored goals in my career, I'm a defender.”

“No no no you're not 'a' defender, you are the best right back in our fucking half of the world, no one else compares to you Ali, seriously,” Ashlyn stated in full seriousness, making Ali completely red. “Your talent is unmatched, that's not taught Ali, that's _born_ with. Am I right?”

“Damn right!” Kyle supported, rising his glass. “To Ali 'The Tiger' Krieger!”

Ashlyn continued to show her enthusiasm and admiration the whole day, even when at last Ali and her were left alone in the evening and Ashlyn did a tiny barbecue for them in the backyard.

“Did you honestly love it so much?” Ali inquired watching Ashlyn finish her barbecued hamburger under the stars to then lean back on the outside sofa.

“I had a blast, absolutely,” Ashlyn grinned enthusiastically. “You're so good Ali. What a comeback girl, knee and all. You'll be back in the national team in no time, you know? You just wait.”

“Your support means a lot Ash. Thank you.”

“No problem, hey, you supported me through everything, you do it all the time. We're a team,” Ashlyn patted her knee. “We have each other's backs.”

Ali felt that statement in her heart, making her warm and comforted, and patted her hand in agreement, knowing it was true.

They became silent, comfortable in the quietness, enjoying the fullness in their stomachs and the after tastes in the mouths, and each other's company. And then Ali felt the need to comment on a more serious topic.

“Jeremiah is getting married again.”

“Is he? Bloody fast,” Ashlyn frowned. “When did he even—? Oh...” realization crossed her face. “Oh, no, I'm sorry Ali... of course the bastard would cheat.”

“Yeah... is it normal if I would want for him to be begging for my bones? To miss me to death and so no other woman would compare to me?”

“It is... but Ali, you have to realize of something,” Ashlyn straightened in her seat. “You see my art pieces, well often when I tell the price some people get indignant, saying it's too expensive... but then you always push me to keep the price, keep its value, don't make it worth any less just because some people who can't see, value and appreciate art, and the work and effort behind it, the way we do, think it's worth less.”

“Something is worth what is worth, regardless of whether people see it or not.”

“Exactly. And the same goes to you. So just ask yourself, do you really care what he thinks of you, or would you rather only be seen by those with enough brain cells to actually know what something truly valuable looks like?”

Ali listened to her attentively and was instantly comforted by the affection in Ashlyn's voice. There was no question about how much she meant to Ashlyn.

“You always know what to say, you know?”

“That's my job,” Ashlyn sipped from her beer. “I'm this house's shaman, the wise witch of the south...” she joked, making Ali laugh.

“Oh please you know-it-all goddess, tell us humble mortals, what's the most valuable thing in this house?” Ali went along with her joking, making Ashlyn giggle. But then Ashlyn locked eyes with her and there were no jokes anymore, but plain seriousness.

“You are.”

“Me?” Ali's heart skipped a beat.

“Of course. You're the heart of this house, Ali, what could possibly be more valuable?”

Ali acted on pure impulse, without thinking. Ashlyn was sitting so close, and was looking at her in such way, with those hazel eyes illuminated by the electric fire in the centre of the table, that Ali could not think anymore. And then before she knew it, she had put her hands on Ashlyn's cheeks and quickly brought her in for a kiss.

Their lips only touched a few seconds, which was enough for Ali's brain to wake up, ask her the heck she was doing, and separate abruptly, blushing hard in embarrassment, while Ashlyn looked surprised and confused.

“Oh my God I'm so sorry Ash, I don't know what I was thinking, I'm sorry...”

“It's okay,” Ashlyn hurried to stop her ramble, her lips pressing together as if trying to understand what had happened to them. “It's okay Ali—,”

“I'm so embarrassed, I'm sorry, I don't know why I did—,”

“Alexandra, it's okay,” Ashlyn took her hands and squeezed them. “It's fine. I get it, you're a bit lonely, right? And we're human beings, we have sexual needs... it's okay if sometimes they take over, we're friends, we can easily forgive and forget.” She smiled warmly, reassuring her.

“Yeah, you must be right, I just...” Ali tried to laugh it off. “Hormones, uh?”

“They're a bitch,” said Ashlyn with a giggle. “And you've had too much alcohol!”

“You're right,” Ali took Ashlyn's silent offer for an easy out. “You know what, I'm going to go and sleep before I do another stupid thing.”

“Sounds like fun, sweet dreams, I'll tidy up.”

“Thank you Ash.”

Ali refrained from their usual cheek kiss goodnight and smiled before rushing back into the house, with Logan following suit. Her face felt in flames from the kiss. Ashlyn's lips were so soft, with that lip balm she always used...

On the other hand, Ashlyn was still feeling her lips, in disbelief. What was that about? A part of her felt guilty lips that weren't Amanda's had touched her but on the other hand... she hadn't realized how much she had missed that kind of intimate human touch, and now she couldn't think of anything but getting it again.

For a whole week, the sexual tension between them was palpable. They would often blush if they accidentally collided or crossed in each other's path, they would get awkward and nervous with physical touch, and so eventually it was unbearable.

Ali's strategy was to try and avoid Ashlyn, after having realized that she indeed felt a strong attraction towards her, in hopes of giving herself time for her feelings to die down so they could resume their friendship. Meanwhile, Ashlyn longed for her touch and began to accept maybe she was having a crush on her house mate.

“But I love Amy, I love her!” a frustrated Ashlyn vented towards Whitney as they strolled down the beach, throwing sticks to Logan, who ran around. Ali was training all day, so Ashlyn took the dog with her to visit her sister. “How can I be head over heels in love with my late wife and yet... crave Ali like I do?”

“You're a human being Ash, your heart may be Amy's but you do have some sexual organs that haven't had any consensual activity in over a year, and desperately crave it, which is only natural,” Whitney tried to keep things logical. “And frankly who can blame you for being attracted to Ali? She's beautiful, fun, intelligent, and she adores you and has done so much for you. It's only natural that your affections awake towards her.”

“Are you saying I'm just like a horny teenager Whit? Because I can't ruin our friendship for sex I absolutely cannot—,”

“Are you sure it'd be just sex?” Whitney stopped her, looking straight into her eyes. The ladies had quickly bonded and become close friends, forming quite a unique sisterhood, and they had quickly learned what worked to put the other in place. Whitney knew Ashlyn sometimes needed eye contact to stop stressing and actually listening, and Ashlyn needed sometimes all Whitney needed was to flip her seriousness into mocking until she laughed and understood nothing was such a big deal.

“What do you mean? Of course it's only sexual, you said it yourself.”

“I know, but Ash, look in your heart... are you sure you don't feel anything for her? Anything past friendship?”

“I love Amy.”

“That's not what I'm asking. Ash, you do know you can love more than one person at once, right?”

“What? How?”

Whitney smiled small, shaking her head. In some ways Ashlyn was more mature than anyone else her age, but in other ways sometimes she was like a little child.

“Ashlyn, you're not being unfaithful to Amanda, we're human beings. It's a social, humane thing to feel love, it comes automatically no matter what you do. You can be asexual, but you can't stop love, if not for a partner, for dogs, cats, for the sun, for jogging, whatever,” explained Whitney. “If I've learned something from you is that you're a hopeless romantic. You need romance, you crave romance, and now it's been dead for over a year. And what you feel for Amy, that'll never go away, you'll always love her because you have a huge heart that always keeps loving... but just like a Mum manages to keep loving every child no matter how many she has, you have space for more. You won't love Ali the same way, and yet... it can still be wholly intense. It's not a matter of who you love more, they're different people and your feelings will be different, but it can still be love, the same love that made you do anything for Amy and that now makes you do anything for Ali.”

Ashlyn frowned like a confused child, pouting a little before flopping on the sad, thoughtfully staring at the waves. Whitney sat next to her, throwing the toy Logan brought back for the dog to catch.

“I do care tremendously about Ali, but I've never had many friends, none of them as close to me as she is, so...” Ashlyn shrugged, utterly at loss. “I can't lose her, Whit. Not because I'd have to move out, not because all my friends are her friends, not because of how linked our lives are... but because when she's not around... I always know the day still has potential for improvement. Whenever she goes away for games in other states, Logan and I just miss her so much, and I don't crave sex then, I crave... just her company, her voice, her laughter.”

“Like you crave Amy's?”

The tattooed woman sighed and then nodded, suddenly realizing.

“Yeah...”

“Is that why you haven't moved out even when you can now afford it? You keep saying she needs you but... hasn't it crossed your mind that maybe you need her too?”

“I mean... I guess I do need her, I just don't see the point on living all alone. I'd get all depressed, and I already tried to commit suicide once...” Ashlyn puffed, frustrated.

“Let me put it simple. Imagine it was Ali sitting here with you. Imagine you were holding hands, laughing, talking nonsense, playing with Logan, and now and then, kissing. Imagine cuddling with Ali, kissing her good morning, having someone want to be with you and only you again. Does that make you cringe or what?”

Ashlyn shook her head.

“It makes my heart flutter.”

“What are the odds she feels the same?”

“Well she kissed me so... pretty high?”

Whitney smiled and nodded, satisfied.

“Then I propose you try. Meet her halfway. Show her you're interested too, explore what you guys could have, see where it goes.”

“But we'll risk our friendship.”

“For something greater.”

“What if it doesn't work? It'll wreck us.”

“Ashlyn... do you really think your friendship is so weak that it wouldn't survive?”

They locked eyes and then Ashlyn sighed.

“I guess you're right.”

“Of course I'm right. Always.”

Whitney's mocking teasing made her laugh, and she wrapped an arm around her baby sister. It felt great to have someone to go to who wouldn't tell you to fuck off.

“Do you think Amy will mind?”

“Amy only wants you to be happy, because she loves you. Maybe she put Ali in your path. Maybe she's just trying for you to let someone love you again, to have the happy ending you deserve... after all she knew you the best. She knows you can't spend the rest of your life mourning, you need to love and be loved.”

When Ashlyn returned home, she had her mind set. She texted Ali to come home as soon as possible, because she was cooking dinner for them and didn't want it to get cold, and then cooked her grandma's recipe of mac and cheese, that she had been taught, and opened a bottle of wine of which she had drunk half before Ali appeared at last, in her training gear, all sweaty.

“I'm home!” Ali entered the dining room and stopped in her tracks, seeing Ashlyn was wearing a dress shirt and elegant trousers, and there were candles on the table. “Oh, what...?”

“I wanted to do something nice for you,” Ashlyn smiled nervously, finding her words after the sight of Ali had knocked them out of her brain for a moment. “I thought you deserve a treat.”

“Oh my God, I didn't even shower to come sooner, I'm so sorry,” Ali felt severely under-dressed now.

“It's okay, you look great! But if it makes you feel better, I can give you ten minutes while I set the table and bring the food?”

“You're an angel, thank you!”

Ali rushed upstairs, her heart drumming hard. Ashlyn looked so stunning, and it was so cute to have such a gesture for her, she found herself shaking in nerves. However, she had no time to lose. Ali only had enough time to wash her armpits and face really quick, change into a clean blouse and nice trousers, and put some mascara and lipstick, throwing her sweaty hair into a bun, before she was back downstairs.

“Hey, thank you,” Ali smiled nervously, somehow feeling intimidated, for some reason. Ashlyn shamelessly ogled her and blushed.

“You look...” Ashlyn nodded, speechless. “You dress up well.”

“Thanks,” Ali blushed harder, sitting down in front of her. “So what are we celebrating?” she asked accepting a glass of wine.

“Our good luck, our thriving professional careers, our good health...” Ashlyn shrugged. “What not? But today let me raise a glass to you. The kindest, most generous human being on Earth. Thank you for everything you've given me, Ali.” She said with her glass up.

“With you it's only my pleasure,” Ali smiled, clinking their glasses.

For the next few hours, they ate, chit-chatted, did some catch-up, laughed, and simply enjoyed each other's company. But Ashlyn had cards up her sleeve. Once she had managed to get Ali to relax, forget the awkwardness of the last few days and just enjoy herself, she put some vinyl music and in her tipsy state, encouraged her to dance. They did some Dirty Dancing music, laughed and behaved silly, with clown moves and just trying to amuse each other, and then Ashlyn opened her arms wide for the grand final of 'Time of our life'.

“Jump, I'll catch you!”

“What?!” Ali laughed.

“Just do it!”

Ali was tipsy enough to be easy to convince so she took some steps back and she ran up to Ashlyn and jumped in the air. Ashlyn's hands found her waist on time but then her legs entangled and she walked backwards with Ali pulled into her arms, finally falling on her ass on the sofa, both of them laughing hard. And then the laughter died and they stared into each other's eyes. And then, Ashlyn wrapped her arms firmly around Ali's waist and kissed her hard on the lips.

They kissed for a moment, their lips merely pressing hard and their eyes closing, and then Ali tried to pull away but Ashlyn put a hand on the nape of her neck and intensified the kiss, sucking a little from Ali's lip. Ali saw then the last of her resolve to separate vanish and her brain cells stopped working, making her sink back into the kiss, burying a hand in Ashlyn's hair and leaning forward.

Then the kiss heated, and it was only a matter of minutes before Ali was fully lying on top of Ashlyn on the sofa, their mouths entangled in a heated make-out session as their shirts flew and hands roamed trying to get rid off bras, pressing their bare breasts together and kicking shoes off. Only then did they finally pull apart, with arms still over each other, breathing hard and keeping a close distant between their mouths, but staring at each other's bodies with eyes dark with desire.

“Would it be okay for me to... make love to you, Ali?” Ashlyn asked shyly, her voice hoarse from the desire she felt. Ali could hardly think, and she just nodded.

“Yes,” Ali kissed her again, her kisses trailing to Ashlyn's jaw and neck, where she sucked. “I want to feel you everywhere...”

Ashlyn groaned in appreciation and pulled Ali up so she could reach her breasts and close her mouth around one, sucking and making Ali moan, wetness flooding to between her legs.

**. . .**

Ali woke up in Ashlyn's arms, snuggled in the sofa. She instantly felt two things. One, she was sticky and wet with both their fluids, mostly between her legs, and was in desperate need of a shower. And two, Ashlyn's arms around her body felt just so good. She traced the tattoos up her arm and felt her breathing against her shoulder blade for a long moment, just enjoying it, until she decided she really needed the shower and they'd need to brush the sofa properly.

When she tried to move, however, Ashlyn tightened her arms.

“'on't go...” Ashlyn's voice murmured, filled with sleepiness.

“I need to shower and go to work,” Ali whispered, moving a hand back to caress her cheek. “I'll be back in a bit.”

“Pwomise?”

Ali giggled at her childish voice.

“I promise.”

“M'kay.”

Ashlyn released her and Ali got up, naked, picking her clothes from the floor. She turned and saw Ashlyn deep asleep again, snuggled naked, which made her smile. This girl was going to drive her crazy.

  
  



	15. So into you

**Chapter 15: So into you.**

When Ali finished a long shower, dressed and rearranged her sports bag for training, and finally came down the stairs to eat some before leaving, she found Ashlyn already showered and dressed, busy cleaning their fluids off the sofa.

“Hey, you shouldn't have bothered, but thank you,” said Ali appreciatively, smiling timidly at her. The sight of a hickey she knew was fully responsible for on the point where Ashlyn's neck and shoulder met both made her feel smug and embarrassed.

“It's all right,” Ashlyn pressed her lips into a smile. “Off to training already?”

“I'm actually very late,” Ali realized checking her watch. “I guess I'll eat there, they have a good catering service for us. Do you have a lot of work today?”

“I should finish a couple projects, yeah...” Ashlyn stood up in her clean clothes, nodding small. She seemed to be testing the waters, checking how Ali felt about them. “I'll see you in the evening then.”

“Yep,” Ali felt nervous, not knowing what the next step was. “So uh... maybe, if you're not too tired... we could do something tonight. Date night?”

“Date night?” Ashlyn smiled excitedly, nodding. “I'd love that.”

“Awesome. I'll pick you up,” Ali walked over to her and with a confidence she didn't know where it came from, grabbed her by the t-shirt and pulled her in for a gentle, affectionate kiss. “Don't dress up.”

“Okay,” Ashlyn whispered, her eyes still closed. Ali saw her swollen lips and couldn't help leaning into another kiss.

“I'll text you the hour.”

As Ali left, Ashlyn's eyes opened and she smiled, feeling like a teenager all over again. Maybe this was the chance Amanda was throwing her to be happy again.

She focused in work for most of the day, and an hour before Ali picked her up, called Whitney.

“Hello sis!” Whitney grinned. “Looking hot I see, have you got a date?”

“As a matter of fact yes,” Ashlyn rolled eyes as Whitney whistled and cheered. “Okay this one or this one?” she held two t-shirts in front of her naked torso. “I'm going for smart casual.”

“Smart casual is the bullshit they tell you for job interviews, and it's an urban legend,” Whitney opined. “Get the dark green one, it brings out your eyes. So, who's the lucky girl?”

Ashlyn blushed, shyly, as she put the t-shirt on.

“Ali.”

“FOR REAL??? RYAN COME RIGHT HERE, OUR GIRL GOT IT GOING WITH ALI!!!” Whitney screamed into the house. A moment later her husband, Ryan, appeared.

“Hi Ash! So what's the story?”

“You guys, stop it!” Ashlyn giggled, embarrassed. “Well last night... we had sex.” Ryan whistled and Whitney clamoured 'yes!'. “It was really good.”

“I bet it was,” Whitney winked. “How many did you give her?”

“How many what?”

“Orgasms, what else?” Ryan said matter-of-fact.

“Oh,” Ashlyn blushed harder. “I lost count after the fourth.”

Whitney cheered in admiration.

“Well done sis!”

“So you got a date today?” Ryan inquired then.

“She asked me out,” explained Ashlyn, putting on some perfume. “She said not to dress up, so I guess we're not going to a fancy Italian restaurant.”

“Who needs a fancy Italian when you're rich and sexy,” Whitney shrugged. “Well good luck! Need any advise?”

“Yes, I haven't gone on a first date in forever, do people still flirt the same way or are there any new phrases? Is complimenting lame now?”

“Just go with your gut. Love you bye!” Whitney turned the call off, knowing her sister just needed to go with her instinct, and Ashlyn complained.

“WHIT!” puffing, Ashlyn focused on herself. She looked sexy, she looked yummy, she hadn't covered the hickeys on purpose. She had this.

Ali ended up taking her to a fair in Cocoa Beach, where they focused on relaxing, laughing and having fun. They got all messy eating burritos and hot dogs, walked around the pier and the beach holding hands, kissed under the moonlight and Ashlyn got Ali a teddy bear in one of those machines from the fair, while Ali shot down enough plastic yellow ducks to get Ashlyn a stuffed shark.

“Ah, my heart is yours!” Ashlyn joked kissing her as she received her shark. “It was very hardcore the way you killed all those ducks though.”

Ali snorted a laugh, hugging her teddy bear.

“How about we hit the bumper cars?”

“My pleasure,” Ashlyn offered her strong tattooed arm, that Ali took, and together they walked to the bumper cars.

Later in the night, they had left their stuffed animals in the car, bought a bucket of chicken wings and chicken nuggets, and sat on the beach eating and watching the stars, their coats firmly closed over themselves now, as it was really cold.

“When I was little,” said Ashlyn. “I made up names for all the constellations, because I didn't know their names. Orion's belt became the highway, ursa major became the fried egg...” Ali couldn't help laughing.

“It does look like a fried egg!”

“Right?” Ashlyn chuckled. “What about you? What was your childhood like?”

“Well my Dad used to take my brother and I camping in the mountains. And my brother and I loved each other so much we got our parents to give us bunker beds to sleep in the same bedroom, we couldn't bloody separate no matter what.”

“Moving out must've been traumatic.”

“It was! But we pushed through,” Ali said dramatically, for Ashlyn's amusement. “And my Dad coached my first soccer team. Then my parents divorced and he lives up in Dumfries, my hometown in Virginia. But we're still close. However, both Kyle and I are particularly close with my Mum. She's the most accepting, wonderful person, as you know.”

“She truly is,” Ashlyn smiled sweetly. “What you and Kyle have is so special, it's beautiful really. I hope you guys never lose it.”

“Me too,” Ali bit her lip nervously. “I should confess something. And you might not like it. And then maybe you won't want me anymore.”

Ashlyn frowned at her.

“I'm sure it'll be okay.”

“I've never kissed a girl before you,” Ali blurted out to a surprised Ashlyn. “I've never had sex with a girl before you. I've never dated a girl before you. As far as I, or anyone else in my life ever knew, I'm straight, so... I'm not publicly... out.”

“Oh,” Ashlyn nodded slowly.

“I know it's a bummer because you're out there, confident, you don't care what anyone thinks of you... and I love being with you Ash. I want to give this a try, I want to date you but... I'm not sure you've realized the implications of dating a public person. I'm scrutinized constantly, my social media is always overwhelmed with comments and messages and people speculating about my love life, and one mistake and I'll lose my sponsors, which put more than half of the money I earn onto the table. So... I'm very private with my personal life and I've never made my romances public and... I would like to keep us private. And sometimes that means not holding hands in public or not kissing or having PDA.”

After that, Ashlyn needed a minute to collect her thoughts, and she ended up nodding slowly.

“Okay, well... let's just go slow, uh? I don't want the world to be scrutinizing my ass either, not when I've just been in the tabloids for winning a case saying I was kidnapped as a baby and I have the past I have... I don't want all over the media just because I date you,” said Ashlyn. “So I can agree with keeping things private. This can be our little secret, if you want. Although Whit knows. By this point I'm sure my whole family knows, truth be told.” She added with an apologetic smile, and Ali giggled, leaning into her.

“That's okay. Our close friends and family should know, as long as we can trust they won't go and sell our story to the media. So... I guess I'll have to tell my family now.”

“Only if you want. And you know they'll be accepting, I mean Kyle is so not straight.”

Ali chuckled, hugging her arm. She loved to grab a hold of that strong arm.

“Yeah... I'll tell them. In my own time, it does make me a bit nervous but... would it be okay if I waited for us to get serious?”

“Get serious how? We do live together,” Ashlyn pointed out full of amusement.

“I mean... I don't know. We do have different rooms. Or... dunno.”

“Let's do this,” said Ashlyn. “You tell them whenever you want, no pressure. And whenever we're not alone, I'll keep myself in check, stay at a friendly distance from you and do my best to not eat you with my eyes. No pressure, no hurry. And we can be girlfriends, if you want, and we can keep separate rooms and just have frequent sleepovers in either room. I could even move out if you want to do things... more normally or something.”

“Oh no, you're not going anywhere,” Ali kissed her sweetly. “But yes to everything else.”

“Yeah?” Ashlyn smiled against her lips.

“Yeah,” Ali kissed her again. Then she looked worriedly at Ashlyn, caressing her jaw. “Are you sure you're ready for this? To be with someone else?”

“Well I hope you don't expect me to take off my wedding ring any time soon but as for the rest... I think all you can do to learn to swim is jump into the pool, ready or not. And that what matters is that you really, really want to swim again. And Ali... I'm so sick of being some pity case, I want to thrive again. I want happiness. You've shown me there's a way to get a type of joy I could never even dream with... and now I want more. And I think you're a good place to start.”

“I promise I'll try my best to be just that,” Ali compromised, pecking her lips. “I won't break your heart. I refuse.” Ashlyn nodded, wrapping both arms around her and kissing her hard, so hard Ali fell back on the sand with her on top. “Shit,” Ali hissed, stopping the kiss. “The sand is bloody cold!”

“Ups sorry,” Ashlyn brought her back up. “I've got a better idea,” she pecked her lips, “let's go back to the car?”

“Wise girl!”

Ashlyn drove the car inland until they found a deserted parking spot by the highway with views of the ocean. So she parked, having left the heating on, and urged Ali to bend the backseats forward to create a large space to lie down inside the car. She brought in the blankets they had in the trunk, along with their coats and scarves, and locked them inside the car, urging Ali to snuggle with her. As they did so, Ashlyn raised a hand to the car ceiling and slid down the curtain like thing that covered the ceiling windows.

“Now we get the stars, the warmth... and each other,” Ashlyn said wrapping her arms around Ali, who smiled nuzzling into her chest.

“Best second date ever.”

“Second?”

“I'm counting last night, you did too well not to,” Ali pulled Ashlyn's face down to kiss her. “I'm so glad you like me so much.”

“Yeah... I'm so glad you like me so much too,” Ashlyn squeezed her tight. “Goodnight gorgeous.”

“Goodnight, shark.”

The morning sun woke them up and brought them another kind of excitement. Ali had an off day, so Ashlyn drove them to a cafeteria to use the toilet and have breakfast, and then bought them bagels they ate while staring at the ocean from a cliff. Then, they went back to Orlando, walked Logan, and chilled home the rest of the day.


	16. New normal

**Chapter 16: New normal.**

The more dates they had, the more into each other they were. Ashlyn went to every game, was her fiercest supporter, and so was Ali when it came to Ashlyn's art. And as the summer went on and their relationship grew stronger, they started to spend time together with the other's family more often. Ali was always invited to the Habovick's family hangouts and beach barbecues, and Ali always had extra tickets for them to come to the games. And once Ali told her mother she and Ashlyn were together, Debbie came over to hug Ashlyn and congratulate them and be happy for them.

On July 27th, Ali turned thirty-one years-old. It was of course a big occasion and Ali unexpectedly woke up to kisses and flowers.

“Happy birthday sunshine,” said Ashlyn, her hands roaming under Ali's pyjama as she invaded her bed and made her smile.

“Mmm... happy birthday indeed,” Ali was already grinning and feeling wet. Ashlyn just had the best effect on her, always.

“Ready for thirty-one birthday orgasms?”

“Thirty what?” Ali's eyes widened. “For real?”

Ashlyn's hand found its way towards Ali's wetness.

“I'm an overachiever...” then her teeth found Ali's earlobe and she forgot to think.

In the end they managed fifteen, and Ali's legs were weak and wobbly, and Ashlyn had to keep giving her glasses of water until she fully recovered enough to go to work.

But Ali didn't know the day that was in store for her. Ashlyn organized video calls with her brother and parents, got all her friends into a video conference at once, took her to a restaurant for dinner and bought her expensive fancy jewellery that Ali absolutely adored.

“I don't want to sound superficial,” said Ali later that night, admiring her new bracelet while Ashlyn fingered her and kissed her back from behind, trying to get her to the twentieth orgasm in the past twenty-four hours. “But I really really like shiny stuff...”

“Wait until I finish here,” Ashlyn chuckled, biting her shoulder from behind and sinking her fingers inside of Ali, getting her to moan and tremble in pleasure. “You'll never see fingers so shiny...”

Ali giggled and then her giggle transformed into a deep moan as Ashlyn brought her to whole new levels of pleasure. She was really starting to like Ashlyn overachieving nature, for sure.

Even when they had been together for two months, it seemed like they never grew tired of each other, like their relationship could only grow closer, tighter, better. Ashlyn would sit for hours watching and drawing Ali no matter what Ali was doing, and they'd find themselves unexpectedly thinking of each other all the time, and getting each other gifts for no reason. And on Ashlyn's grand first gallery, Ali was fully ready to be the most supportive girlfriend in the world.

“Do I look okay?” Ali asked coming to Ashlyn's room, as they kept separate bedrooms, when they were getting ready for the gallery.

Ashlyn took one look at her and her jaw dropped. Ali was wearing a tight dark dress that hugged her curves just right, and smokey eye makeup and looked like a star.

“You look way more than okay babe, you're hot!” Ashlyn smiled, kissing her.

Grinning smug, Ali checked her out. Ashlyn was smart casual with a dark blue suit with no tie, and an extravagant patterned shirt.

“You look like a true sexy artist.”

“Thanks,” they kissed again.

“Nervous?”

“A little. I mean it's my first gallery, and with the publicity of you and your teammates, it's going to be quite crowded, there might even be press...”

“You'll do great, you're ready,” Ali wrapped her arms around her neck. “I'm so proud of you, Ashlyn. Your first ever art gallery, look at you... it's amazing. You are amazing.”

“Not all of us can be world champions,” Ashlyn pointed out teasingly, and Ali, who was one, grinned and kissed her cheek.

“Some of you are better. So shall we go?”

“Yeah, let's go.”

The gallery was a complete success. It was open for eight hours in its opening night, and there was champagne and quite a few good art pieces were sold for a bunch of money, and their friends and family all came. Ashlyn was surprisingly interviewed by a couple journalists for art magazines, and then afterwards they all went to celebrate and toasted in Ashlyn's honour.

And only weeks later, Ashlyn had the chance to give back to Ali for her unwavering support. Ali had been in the cover of 'The Body Issue' of the ESPN, and afterwards she was being honoured at the ESPY awards, and Ashlyn was her date for the event, even though they didn't publicly confirm or deny they were together. They just refrained from PDA in front of the paparazzi, Ali posed for some pictures, and Ashlyn proudly photographed her in her sexy red dress with her phone.

And when the after party came, Ashlyn could not stop gushing about Ali.

“Best defender in the world, in my humble opinion,” she was talking with their soccer friends and Ali's national team teammates. “No offence to any of you, but you don't compare...”

The group laughed, loving that Ali had found someone who adored her and supported her so much.

“What lies are you spreading around?” Ali teased, having half heard them and arriving into the group after chatting with ESPYs people, wrapping an arm around Ashlyn playfully.

“Only those that claim you're the best footballer in the world, but we forgive it because she absolutely adores you and it's cute,” Sydney said making Ashlyn blush.

“But I'm not lying, it's the truth,” Ashlyn claimed, looking proudly at Ali. “Be your girl's biggest fan, am I right?”

Ali blushed, enamoured, and nodded.

“What did I do to deserve you, uh?” Ali murmured caressing her cheek.

“What didn't you do?” Ashlyn kissed her cheek and took her hand. “Come on, we're dancing!”

Ali was having the time of her life. The ESPYs had organized for the after party to be in a big place, with amazing views of LA, where the awards took place and to where Ali and Ashlyn had travelled together, and there was a bar with drinks, tables to sit and actually eat dinner, everything. And it was all filled with American athletes from all over the country.

Ali and Ashlyn remained mostly with their friends from soccer, but then a man approached Ali with a plate with a muffin in it.

“Ali Krieger?” the handsome man grinned at Ali. “Ethan Banks, I'm a swimmer, big fan though.” He offered her a hand. Ali, ever so polite, grinned and shook his hand.

“Hi! I'm sorry, I'm not big into swimming, what kind do you do? Artistic?”

“No, speed... I'm not quite known. Hard to be when you compete with Michael Phelps, uh?”

He was joking and being friendly, so Ali chuckled.

“You're right, sorry.”

“Anyway I wanted to invite you to dance.”

“Dance?” Ali looked questioningly at Ashlyn who, never the jealous type, smiled.

“Go dance girl, you're here to meet interesting people,” Ashlyn encouraged.

“Right,” said Ali, smiling. “But you're going to have to eat that muffin first, Ethan, can't dance with a plate in your hand!”

“Actually I brought this for you, it's Belgian chocolate, exquisite, but this is the only one left and I figured you probably haven't had the chance to try it, which seems sad. We can all cheat on our diet just today, right?”

“Aw, thank you, that's so sweet!”

“What do you say if your friend here takes care of it for a bit so we can dance some, and then you can enjoy it?” suggested Ethan. Ali looked questioningly at Ashlyn again, and the younger woman nodded, confident, taking the muffin.

“I'll make sure it's not poisoned,” Ashlyn joked, kissing her cheek. “Go have fun.”

So Ethan handed Ashlyn the plate and all smiles, took Ali for a dance.

“Aren't you absolutely jealous?” Megan asked Ashlyn, watching them with her.

“No. I'm the one she's having sex with when the night ends,” Ashlyn winked smugly and Megan laughed, before Ashlyn took a bite off the muffin.

Ashlyn felt a sharp pain inside her cheek first and tasted blood before she realized something was terribly wrong when an intense sharp pain began in her throat and she began to choke as her throat and mouth filled with spurting blood. The more she choked and tried to cough out, the worse the pain got and the more blood seemed to fill her mouth and throat, and soon she dropped the plate, that felt to the floor and crashed in tiny pieces, making people start looking and realizing something was going horribly wrong.

“Jesus Christ Ash!” Christen watched in horror as Ashlyn dropped to her knees, her eyes open wide and glassy as she desperately tried to breathe, while dark blood spilled out of her mouth without control.

“Help! Help!” Tobin called.

“We need help, somebody!” Megan and other teammates tried to get her some help, started calling 911, anything they could do.

Ali then heard the commotion and turned to see Ashlyn on her knees, her hands to her throat, as blood spurted out of her mouth like a fountain.

“Ashlyn... Ashlyn!” Ali forgot about Ethan and ran to her, kneeling with her. Ashlyn looked desperately at her, making choking sounds. “She's choking! What happened?”

“Oh God...” Sue, Megan's girlfriend, had taken the muffin Ashlyn had bitten from the floor, and they watched in horror as they noticed a piece of blade coming out of the muffin. “She has a blade in her throat...”

Ali's eyes turned back to Ashlyn, and she had no time to think or waste. She pulled Ashlyn to lie with her head face up on her lap, so that the light from the ceiling went straight into her throat and, keeping her mouth open wide with one hand, Ali introduced two cautious fingers into her throat. Ashlyn made more terrible sounds of asphyxiation, but at last Ali felt the blade and cautiously pulled, making sure not to move unless it slid easily, without cutting more. At last she had the tiny but long piece in her fingers, and dropped it to the floor in disgust, turning Ashlyn's head so she could throw up the blood and keep trying to breathe.

She had taken the intruding object away and now Ashlyn wasn't suffering like crazy feeling it continue to rip her throat apart, but now the blood was coming out at surprising speed.


	17. For better, for worse

**Chapter 17: For better, for worse.**

When Ashlyn finally woke up after throat surgery, she was drained, groggy, and her brain was a complete fog. She only knew she was in a hospital because she felt the pain in her throat, even if it was slight thanks to the medication, and smelled the hospital and heard the beeping machines. She took a deep breath through her nose and felt the bed, the drip in her arm's IV, the patches on her chest controlling her heartbeat, and then Ali's hands around hers.

“Hi,” Ali looked exhausted and full of worry and anxiety. She was gripping Ashlyn's hand a bit too hard, had changed back into normal clothes, and looked ready to cry. Her lips pressed against Ashlyn's forehead ever so gently, and her hands squeezed hers a bit harder. “Don't try to talk, okay? Just squeeze my hand once for a yes, two for a no. Are you in so much pain you want me to get the doctor or nurse?” Ashlyn squeezed twice. “Good. Are you feeling mostly fine?” Ashlyn squeezed once, and Ali breathed out in relief. “I was so worried baby. I'm so happy to see your beautiful hazel eyes again.” Ali pecked her lips. “I'm so sorry...”

Ashlyn attempted to clear her throat, which felt swollen and itchy, and grimaced in pain, shaking her head. It wasn't Ali's fault, but she couldn't tell her. The way her throat felt, she wouldn't dare to even try to speak. So instead she squeezed Ali's hand and managed a small smile, mouthing 'not your fault' as clearly as she could. Ali seemed to understand, because she smiled back at her, caressing her cheek.

A nurse arrived then to check Ashlyn.

“Hi there, how are we doing?” the nurse smiled warmly. “I see somebody woke up.”

“Yes, she said— well, we have a code, one squeeze is yes, and so she confirmed she's not too bad.”

“All right good, I'm just going to check how are things looking,” the nurse grabbed a stool and sat by the head of your bed. “Can you open your mouth wide Ashlyn? Think of it as the dentist.”

Ashlyn shrugged and did as she was told, not quite remembering why her throat would be wounded, although it felt like that. All she remembered was feeling really badly and tasting blood in her mouth, which she still kinda tasted.

“The muffin Ethan gave me had a small razor blade inside, thin enough to break it with the teeth, but,” Ali explained to Ashlyn as the nurse examined her mouth with a small lantern stick, “still, when you took a bite, you gulped a decent-sized chunk of the blade and it cut up your mouth and throat. You almost died.”

“Yeah, you've got quite the lacerations, the surgeon did a great job with laparoscopic surgery in your throat to seal the wounds, but it'll still bleed a little for a while, most likely, and hurt like a bitch. Still, please hold it and don't fall into the temptation of brushing your teeth with your inside cheeks when they itch, because you'll get them to bleed like crazy,” the nurse explained colloquially. “I'm going to put some special antibiotic cream, it'll numb it a little and help with the healing.”

“I'll go call your sister, she's been worried sick,” Ali announced kissing Ashlyn's hand. “Be a good patient, uh?”

Ashlyn gave her a thumbs up and Ali smiled, getting up and leaving the room.

Being taken care of by Ali was a luxury. All through the day, Ali helped keep her teeth clean to avoid risk of infections, brushed her hair several times, gave her a back rub or two, and kept her company. But when the day came and went and they had been in hospital nearly 24h, Ashlyn was growing restless, nevertheless. Ali had gotten her a white board with a pen, so now she could at least communicate her frustration.

“How am I gonna eat?” Ali read from the board and chuckled. “Babe you can't eat, it cut your oesophagus, you have to wait until it heals. Trust me, when the doctors start forcing you to have vitamin smoothies with nutrients and shit that tastes like donkey pee and makes your throat itchy, you'll stop wishing for food. And you have the drip to give you nutrients.”

Ashlyn pouted and then wrote again, turning the board to Ali so she could read.

“Can we go home?” Ali read, and sighed sadly, shrugging. “They might release you in a day or two and then maybe we can go home. But it's a long flight Ash, maybe you'd rather not stand that,” Ashlyn gave her a comically stern look that told Ali she did want to stand that, and she smiled. “Okay, I'll tell the doc to let you go.” Ashlyn smiled and then erased the board, before writing again. This time she took quite a few minutes and was driving Ali impatient, until she showed her the board again and Ali smiled, touched. Ashlyn had written 'I' followed by a small heart, and then a quick doodle of Ali. They had never said the l word to each other in a romantic way, and Ali wasn't expecting it like that, which touched her quite a lot. “I love you too.” Ali confessed, making her smile before kissing her softly. “Now it's time to sleep, artist. Rest.” Ashlyn nodded and showed her pinky, mouthing 'pinky promise' and making Ali chuckle in amusement.

Turns out the next day the doctor let Ashlyn go, not without quite the care package. Plenty of antibiotic cream for Ali to apply with swab sticks, a list of numbers to call in Orlando if anything happened, a short list of things Ashlyn could eat or drink, and a whole list of care indications, including a list of brands that sold the nutrient smoothies Ashlyn could have.

“Come on baby, I know it makes you tear-up because it bothers you so much, but just one glass and I'll give you one of those honey sweets to suck for your throat pain relief,” Ali coaxed as they flew in business back to Orlando. It was torture for Ashlyn to be constantly offered food she couldn't eat, but the seats were so comfortable.

“Ñññ...” Ashlyn grunted, pouting, and Ali snorted a laugh, holding up the glass.

“Ash, I'm serious, you need nutrients you must be starving, I can hear your stomach.”

Ashlyn then changed tactic and chuckled invading Ali's space and peppering kisses, making her giggle before Ashlyn shut down her giggles kissing her lips insistently.

“M'kay,” Ali put the glass down. “Just one minute.” She accepted the kissing for now because those lips were absolutely irresistible, but kept in mind Ashlyn had to take her stuff later.

Once at home, despite the tiredness from the flight, and having picked-up Logan from dogcare, Ali put their clothes to wash and settled Ashlyn on the sofa with a blanket, taking a moment to cut off her hospital bracelet and give her a honey lollipop to relieve her throat a little.

“Now you have to rest, take it easy, and do what the doctor said,” Ali said firmly, tucking the blanket around Ashlyn. “You've got your doodles,” she put the drawing book and Ashlyn's pencil collection on the coffee table by the sofa, “and all my love, so be a good girl.” Ashlyn puckered her lips for a kiss and Ali rolled eyes but kissed her. “You get away with bloody everything, you know right?” Ashlyn chuckled and nodded. “Little bastard, yes sexy bastard,” she corrected herself when Ashlyn went to open her mouth to say it, and kissed her again. “Now be good, I have to do some exercise in the electric bicycle.”

Ashlyn nodded and next Ali knew, her girlfriend was snoring away in the sofa.

Whitney and Eunice visited as much as they could for the next few days, but still, it was the least fun Ashlyn had ever had. Her throat bothered her insanely, either with pain, itchiness, or simply the feeling of swelling, she lost all her appetite, and her drawings turned rather odd and dark to match her mood. But Ali's love and affection, her frequent hugs and encouraging words and kisses made it hard to stay in a shit mood.

“Apparently the bastard was trying to kill me,” Ali was giving Ashlyn the latest updates on the police investigation in LA trying to figure out why Ashlyn had ended up with a blade in her throat. Meanwhile, they were lying in bed, and Ali had Ashlyn's head on her chest, caressing her hair. “He was hired by my ex. If you hadn't munched that muffin, I probably would be dead.”

Ashlyn frowned, grabbing her pen to write and ask whether he had been arrested.

“Both of them have, yes. No wedding for Jeremiah,” Ali sighed. “Can't believe he'd do something like that. He was my husband, for God's sakes...”

Ashlyn sighed and stood up, wrapping her arms around Ali. She hated not to be able to talk, but nuzzling into her neck was the next best thing for sure. And Ali seemed to value it, smiling and hugging her back. And then, since it had been over a week anyway, Ashlyn tried to speak.

“I love you,” it came out as a raspy whisper, but Ali heard it and hugged her tighter.

“I love you too. How's your throat feeling?”

“Could be worse,” Ashlyn whispered, kissing her cheek.

“Rest it,” Ali kissed her throat from outside. “Maybe in another week it's fully recovered, or at least better to eat normally.”

“Yeah...” Ashlyn sighed. “Hey... for what it counts, I'd happily eat another blade so you wouldn't have to.”

Ali looked sweetly at her, deeply touched.

“Really?”

The artist grinned and nodded.

“Anything for you.”

Their lips met again and this time, Ali knew exactly how to make Ashlyn's throat rest properly.


	18. I found you... and I'm never letting go

**Chapter 18: I found you... and I'm never letting go.**

On due time, Ashlyn recovered. Her throat came back to life, and her art became exuberant again, full of beauty and brightness and colour, providing all sorts of pieces from large paintings to tiny little sculptures, and even some engravings. She'd often paint Ali, only for the brunette's amusement, and at some point, she got her face tattooed on her right forearm to look at it whenever she wanted, even when Ali was away playing games.

They supported each other and they loved each other with a ridiculous intensity. Slowly, the traumatic memories of the years of sadness, darkness, and being in the street faded from Ashlyn's memory, or at least became foggy memories, and she started to believe happiness was still possible for her. They learned to heal together, and to embrace a bright future and leaving the past in the past. They were named together godmothers for Whitney's first child only a year and a half after their first date, and a couple years later, when Ashlyn and Ali had been together for three and a half years, Ali retired from soccer, with over a hundred international caps, a World Cup, and Olympics in her pocket, and the couple bought their first house together, a bit bigger than the one they had shared, thinking already of a family.

“Isn't she the cutest baby?” Ashlyn beamed excitedly then, holding baby Storm in her arms. The new French Bulldog puppy was Logan's little sister, and as they took family pictures to send to their relatives for Christmas, they had put a beanie and a bowtie on Storm.

“She's the cutest little baby in the whole world yes you are,” Ali grinned using her silliest voice as she took pictures of her loves. She couldn't possibly love Ashlyn any harder and she knew that, even though Ashlyn still worse her late wife's wedding band and would always love Amanda, she was still finding a way to give Ali her whole heart, that she truly wanted her for good, forever even.

The moment came on Christmas 2018. Ashlyn and Ali had been dating then for five years and a half, living together for two years, and were still going strong, with Ashlyn having finally become capable of removing her wedding ring only to have it gifted back to her in a chain necklace for her birthday in a heartfelt move from Ali, who encouraged her to keep her in her heart forever, despite their own relationship. They were happy together, Ashlyn was a nationally renowned artist, and Ali had transitioned in her career to become a coach, and still their relationship had only strengthened.

At the moment, they were spending Christmas in Dumfries with Ali's paternal side of the family. They were sleeping in Ali's old room, or at least Ashlyn was, because Ali had gotten up early to make snow angels in the garden. Ashlyn had for years hated the cold, never capable of forgetting how awful it felt to be cold and out in the street, but recently she had become a bit fond of being cold if it was with Ali, because it meant snuggles, hot chocolate, sweets, cosy jumpers knitted by her grandmother, and snow fights with Ali and her family.

On this particular Christmas morning, Ashlyn woke up to the sound of snowballs hitting the window, and groaned, stretching in bed and not finding Ali.

“Babe?” Ashlyn yawned, looking around. Logan and Storm raised heads from their beds on a corner. “Where's Momma?” another snowball crashed against the window and Ashlyn frowned, jumping out of the bed and throwing her housecoat on. She looked through the window and saw Ali grinning big at her, cute with her beanie on. Ashlyn opened the window, hugging herself as the cold came in. “What are you doing you nuthead?” Ashlyn said affectionately, grinning. The room was a floor over Ali, but close enough to hear each other.

“Good morning princess!” Ali saluted excitedly, making her laugh. She pointed at the ground, where she had, using her body, printed two people holding hands. “It's us!”

“Aw, so cute!” Ashlyn chuckled, enamoured. “Come up here so I can thank you!”

“You come down! Come on!”

“Me? A Floridian?”

“Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Should all acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne. For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne,” Ali began to sign-scream, making Ashlyn double with laughter. Ali kept singing under the snowfall, grinning and slowly dancing with herself, charming Ashlyn. “We'll take a cup o' kindness yet, for auld lang syne...”

Ashlyn closed the window and at lightning speed put on her coat and trousers, boots, and ran downstairs, stuffing her head in a hat.

“Where are you going? Don't you want some hot chocolate first?” Kenneth, Ali's Dad, asked, as she ran past the kitchen.

“I can't, your daughter is absolutely insane and I'm head over heels in love!” Ashlyn guffawed finally storming out of the house through the back door. Ali saw her and grinned, opening her arms to her.

“We too have paddled in the stream, from morning sun to night... But the seas between us broad have roared,” Ali continued to sing-scream.

“From auld lang syne...” Ashlyn joined her, slowly walking over to her around the prints on the snow that covered the garden. “For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne, we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,” they joined hands and began to waltz around. “For auld lang syne, we'll take a cup o'kindness yet, for auld lang syne.”

They kissed, smiling into the kiss.

“I knew you'd come,” Ali whispered.

“Yeah, 'cause I'm so bloody whipped.”

Ali grinned, cupping her face.

“You love me enough to jump out of bed into the cold with me first thing on a Christmas Day.”

“It's not a good morning until I'm with you, after all,” Ashlyn shrugged, then broke into a grin. “Merry Christmas my love.”

“Merry Christmas,” Ali kissed her again, and squealed in excitement, making Ashlyn laugh as their foreheads pressed together.

“What has you so excited? Did you ask Santa to get you a dildo?” she joked, making Ali laugh.

And then as the laughter died, Ali locked eyes with her.

“Marry me.”

Ashlyn's eyebrows raised in utter surprise.

“You want me to marry you?”

Ali nodded excitedly.

“Marry me, and I'll make sure life with me is better than it could ever be without me. Marry me, and I'll love you forever, and you'll always have hot chocolate on a cold winter's day, arms around you if somebody hurts you, my unwavering support, and someone to catch you whenever you might fall. Marry me, because I'm not Amanda, but we share one thing in common; we were made to love you, to hold you, and to care for you for as long as the Earth keeps spinning, and she's gone, but she put me here to make sure you didn't go a day without that. She put me here, because she knows someone like you deserves happiness and that only I can make you as happy and more as she ever did. And I'll give you more kids because Teddy should've always had baby siblings. And we'll tell them about their big brother in heaven,” tears were streaming down her cheeks now, but she kept smiling, while Ashlyn stared, astonished, “and not a year will pass by that we don't remember them and miss them, but we'll move on 'cause they'll want us to, and it's my duty now to love you. And I want to love you and our fifty other kids, hairy ones and non hairy ones. Forever. So you have to marry me, so the law backs up my plans, because I've got so many plans for us.”

“Fifty uh?” Ashlyn snorted a laugh, deeply amused.

“Fifty. You're the best mother in the world, you should get to raise as many future adults as possible so we can assure the future will be bright for this world.”

“How many plans have you made exactly?”

“Oh, so many,” Ali giggled. “As many as dances in our lives and stars in the sky combined.”

Ashlyn pursed her lips in thoughts.

“That's certainly a lot.”

“Yeah!”

“So I guess I can't really say no, right? I mean it shouldn't be me who keeps this world from such a bright future.”

“Exactly, what kind of evil are you?”

“None! Surely... so...” Ashlyn grinned. “Yeah, I'll marry you. Sounds great.”

“Yeah?” Ali beamed in excitement.

“Yeah. Come on, as if I could ever say no to this face.” Ashlyn kissed her, grinning into the kiss. It was quite a step to marry again, but it had been six years. It was time. “Do I get a ring?” she added separating for a moment, jokingly.

“Fuck, the ring!” Ali suddenly remembered but to Ashlyn's further surprise, she pulled a tiny box out of her coat pocket and knelt, beaming at Ashlyn, who stood further impressed. She opened the box, exposing a very shiny ring full of rocks. “Ashlyn Michelle Harris... would you marry me?”

Ashlyn laughed in disbelief.

“Hella yeah baby!”

They hugged each other kissing once the ring was in Ashlyn's finger, and Ashlyn spun her around, making her laugh before kissing again.

Their engagement, however, was very short. Eight months later, in the heat of the summer, they got married in the beach in Miami, and became Mrs and Mrs Harris, a surname they decided to make their family name in Amanda's honour.

Then the moment Ali had waited for forever came, on the morning after their wedding, when they snuggled naked in bed in a luxury suite in the hotel, and Ali's fingers traced Ashlyn's skin.

“That's all the colour that you and Teddy brought into my life, and my family, the flowers from Nana's garden, the butterflies Whitney always reminds me of with her cheerfulness,” Ashlyn would explain sweetly, looking at her own tattoos. “This is my life, from start to finish, becoming something beautiful even in its darkness.”

And not far later came their first child as a married couple. Kayla arrived as a foster kid in 2020, when she was three years old. It took the mothers therapy and counselling to stop spending Kayla's naps wide awake worried she'd also die all of a sudden, but by the time they adopted her, and then adopted the newborn twins Michael and Debra Tammye, they had achieved it.

And they weren't the only ones. The couple got to have six kids, making, with Theodore, the lucky seven. Ali surprised Ashlyn buying the land where Ashlyn's house with Amanda had stood, and together they worked to design a bigger house there, where their big family could fit, where Ashlyn could teach their children to surf and to pain, and Ali could play soccer with them and the dogs in the beach.

And together, they were happy. Forever.

**The end.**

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember Fanfic Authors are often unappreciated. Yes, we don't write best sellers, we write for love and we write for free, when we have time, through studies, jobs, life... we write because we love writing, but we CHOOSE to share what we write with you, so the least you can do is show your writers your appreciation. As you can see I spent a whole year writing without necessarily publishing, because like many others, I don't NEED to publish. I do it hoping it'll bring other people the joy it brings me to read and write. But it's up to you to keep updates going, and not make us feel like we might as well keep the work to ourselves. Thank you!


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